To celebrate International Guide Dogs Day on April 29th, 2020. I asked my boss (aka Guide Dog Minster Munch) about what it was like to have such an important role in society. His answers were…. well just read on and make up your own mind.
Happy International Guide Dog Day Munch. Thank you for doing such an amazing job. Without you maids such as myself, would not be able to live the independent life we do. We also would not be able to feel the total unconditional love and the selfless dedication that you provide each day on keeping us safe. My question is, do you feel valued and appreciated enough by me, your mere maid?
Firstly may I thank you for the words that stroke my ego. Would you mind from now on starting all your sentences in this manner? Hmmm, do I feel valued and appreciated enough? No to be honest. This morning my breakfast was a little late as you only called me twice to get up , you prevented me form eating all of Angus’s cat food and took it away from me half way through eating it and you only gave me half a slice of toast when my pleading eyes clearly told you I wanted a whole slice.
May I apologize for all of those I truly am sorry. Food aside, do you feel I appreciate you in other ways?
Well, I only had ¾ of the bed to myself last night not the full bed as you took up the other ¼. I have only had two new toys this week and I have even had to go in harness three times this week apparently to remind me how to wear in case I forget? Please, I would never forget a role that brings me so much attention from the public. I am not daft.
Sorry. Again. OK all those points aside, is there anything else I could do to show you my appreciation every day?
Maybe an award giving ceremony everyday before bed? I will take treats as awards. I do not want pointless medals or certificates as I know I am number 1 at everything anyway.
Noted. We shall start tonight. Ok so the next question is if you did not train to be a guide dog, what do you think you would be doing with your life right now?
Well I am not sure really. Being a working dog takes a lot of responsibility and even when you are off duty you never really feel off duty. I am ever vigilant for any food spills around as I always want to prevent an accident as let us be honest, clumsy is your default setting. I remove any food I find on the floor for your safety alone. I also must represent the Guide Dogs charity when I am out, so I am always on my best behaviour. I am not sure I could be anything else than a guide dog.
Always on your best behaviour?? Are you sure?? Do you remember the time that you stole the panini from the pupil in school? Or the time you put your head between that poor man’s legs in Tesco’s to smell the doggy sausage he was holding in the pet food aisle? What about the time you tried to chase the squirrel up the tree whist in harness? Or the time…
Enough maid. This is my interview so let us just focus on what I say.
Sigh. Okay sorry. Back to the original point. What would you be in life if you were not a guide dog extraordinaire?
Sloths seem to have a good life. Maybe I could be a sloth.
Okay thanks. What about if you had to be a dog though? Would your like to be another type of working dog?
A sniffer dog seems to be a fun job to have. Do you remember when I joined that Spaniel Police Dog sniffing the train when we were on it one day coming from London? We had so much fun sniffing together when the lovely police lady came over to pay me attention. I sniffed out the food on the floor first and for some reason the Spaniel went past it.
Yes, Munch I remember that day. I think however the other dog may have been sniffing out other things on the train not just food so she was actually doing her job by ignoring it.
What? What else is there apart form food.
Never mind Munch, you do not need to know. Keep your innocence. What about any other type of working dog?
I do not fancy being a sheep dog. They do not tend to chase back to play tag like us dogs do. If I found a stick or something more interesting, I would probably play with that anyway.
Sheep dogs do not really play tag with the sheep sweetheart. They kind of help the farmer to gather them all together and other things that I do not think would interest you. What about a guard dog? Could you have seen yourself as a guard dog?
What and stay outside? Are you mad woman? There are no sofas or cushions outside for me to lie on. What would I be guarding anyway? Angus the cat is feisty enough for the both of us. Even the birds and mice lie motionless on our doorstep when he brings them home for you as a gift.
Fair point. Maybe becoming a guard dog was not for you. So, what have you learnt in your three years of being a guide dog?
I have learnt that people adore me. I have learnt how to write a book. I have learned that if I find the bus stops or taxi ranks, I do not have to walk and can save my legs from getting tired. I have learnt which people in my life take me for fun free runs. I have learnt how to steals balls but only once from a shop. I have learnt how to use my beauty to get me treats. I have learned to not to give doggy cuddles under shorter people’s legs in case they get stuck on top of me again. I have learnt to demand a massage once or twice a day. I have learnt that the more I love, the more I am loved.
You sound like you have learnt a lot….
Oh, I have also learnt how to look shocked if I let out a smelly anal exhale and use my bewilderment to blame it on anyone else in the room as I look far too regal to do such things.
Thanks for sharing that…. talent. What would you like say to the person reading this?
I am amazing and you can keep worshipping me as much as you want. Regarding guide dogs, we are awesome. We look after our maids and servants that we are matched with so well and help them get out in the world and live the life that they want to live. It is even more important at this time in history as we act as a clue to the onlooker that the person, we are with cannot see like a sighted person. We alert them that we as a team do not see the markings on the floor that encourage social distancing in shops. They cannot see what 2m apart looks like when they cannot see 2m in front of them. We alert the sighted that we as a team may need a little more understanding of how this pandemic and the measure we need to take in society is not as easy for some to follow as others. We guide dogs have not been taught about the new measures that are put in place in a visual world. We are trained to find the door join a queue (not necessarily at 2m apart) and go the route that we have learnt around a shop and not necessity follow arrows as arrows were not in our training.
If you see a guide dog and his/her owner (sorry staff member) out during this time, please remember to be kind and not critical as the change that you are experiencing in the world is even harder for a dog to learn. We may be life changing in every other way but this life change we are all experience needs us to work together not apart.
Oh yes and nag my Maid to write more regular blogs as she has been useless recently and I know you really want to keep hearing how well behaved I am 😁. Stay safe all.