Getting fanned down by a complete stranger and being fed treats by my maid (a.k.a. commonly known as my owner, as if I could ever be owned ) is just a typical Saturday night for me. In my Guide Dog harness I may be known as Minster Munch but that is just a disguise to keep my Guru status under wraps. Being outted as a Master in disguise does not need to happen for me to Summons staff members from thin air as one look at me and people are putty in my paws.
Things were getting a little hot in the night of mediumship, not from the spirits trying to come through but from the non existent air flow through the fiery furnace which the two legged people called a spiritualist Church. Being blessed with so much wisdom strewn hair does not feel like such a blessing when there is literally no breeze to cool down and function in. With no other dogs around to turn to for support, I had to use my charismatic gifts to call on the humans around me to help me out. It was then, as if by magic I began being fanned down by a dog loving lady who could see my need for a breeze. It got me thinking to what kind of staff I need around me this summer to see to my every need so here is my list.
A Chauffeur. I plan for my paws to only bless the ground where escapism can exist. Over the 6 weeks holidays from school, I am hoping to limit my harness wearing moments to a zero hour contract basis , where I have to work as an exception rather than the rule. My chauffeur will need to understand that they will take me to where I want to go such as a beaches, fields, homes of treat givers and country parks.
A Porter. I have in the past been known to be a slight over packer, a dog of my status needs a lot of things. I have one and a half bags of essential overspilled goods when I travel to work. From beds, bowls, snacks, toys, cushions, snacks, bottled water, massage gloves, snacks, brushes, fans, extra blankets …..oh and did I mention snacks???? I need a minion to trail after me with my goods.
A Tour Guide. I need to discover new adventures this summer whilst I still have lots of energy in me. This time next year I will be six months away from entering into the period where the hushed tones of retirement are discussed among the humans so this summer is going to be a summer of fun. Obviously a blind maid will not be much good as my tour guide , but any sighted Labradoodle lovers are welcome to apply.
Life Coach. Being off work for the school holidays unfortunately means that my adoring fans are limited so my Ego does not get the attention it has become accustomed to. Hiring a life coach will allow my self love to be motivated into action and exceed it’s current status of extreme. Through an adequate life coach, I expect to enter into the Guinness Book of Records for the most photographed dog as people flock to see my beautiful hairy self.
A Chef. The maids talents do not lay in the kitchen but my heart and soul do. I live to eat and expect a high standard of gourmet meals delivered to me but the maid I was partnered up with is not on the same wavelength. She is more of an in and out kitchen visitor where she cooks the quickest and simplest of meals much to my disappointment. It is not because she is blind as there are many a gifted blind chef, it’s just that she is more of an eat to live person. Add onto that is the issues that she has boring food for me as she is a vegan , and I much rather be amongst the meat eaters of the world. I would welcome the chef to induce a food coma on demand where I will enter into a state of belly bursting bliss after eating far too much for my own good.
Experiencing hot summers is something i am not too used to here in Wales, so adjustments have to be made. Our first big adjustment is that my owner/maid will have to go to work without me tomorrow for her last day of term. It is simply too hot for me to walk around outside to get to work and come from work on very hot ground. Add to that the fact that we are in a very hot room in work with tiny windows that only let in hot air and has no plug sockets in so there is no option for a fan, it is not safe for me to go in to work. She will use her white cane just for tomorrow as it is her old school so she knows it well enough to get around for 1 day.
I will be starting my summer holidays tomorrow by lounging around between a fan blowing on my face and finding some cool water in the garden to enjoy. My favourite dog sitter has me tomorrow as I send my maid out to work to pay for all my luxuries in life. She insists that I do not need summer staff and that she has all basis covered to keep me living to the standard that I am used to but we will see. I may need to update the maids training this summer to remind her who is really boss. Anyone know of a good trainer?