Are You Talking About Me?

Tags

Book Deal, Guide Dog, Humour, Interviews, Labradoodle, Media

She is at it again. Speaking on my behalf. I am Munch and I am the real owner and should be listened to, not the maid. She may have physically written the book, but it is I who is the inspiration to write the book and its my telepathic abilities that got her to type out my thoughts. Does nobody see this?

I have had interest about the book and interviews coming out of my floppy ears recently and don’t get me started on photos that everyone wants. Being such a handsome Labradoodle is no doddle, it takes a lot of effort to look this good, but I must keep my fans happy, so I am willing to look as gorgeous as possible especially when the media are around.

Last week the maid was interviewed about how I had changed her life and brought spiritual meaning to her by Spirit & Destiny magazine which will be out in January of next year. She did big me up in that interview which I was pleased about and we have just been for some photos to send off to the magazine which shows all my good sides.

Earlier on this week, I had a journalist travel seven hours on trains to come to interview me, but I let the maid do the talking as I casually snoozed curled up on the sofa next to her acting my usual angelic self. The journalist had read my book and the things that the maid had written about my mischievous self were obviously hard for her to believe as I behaved impeccably in front of her. I have a photoshoot with the rest of the staff (or the maid and the rest of the family as they like to be addressed) later this week to accompany this article that will appear in a few weeks in the Femmail section of The Mail.
I have another radio interview scheduled with Hay House Radio the day before my book in released so as you can see. I have been a very busy dog.

Unfortunately, I must rely on the hired help to speak on my behalf and she sometimes tells of funny stories I would rather we forget about. I am using my innocent eyes to try and tell people of my perfection and to ignore the true stories that the maid is saying and try and convince them she is exaggerating but shhhh please don’t tell anyone of my pleading eyes tricks. I will also be acting like the well-trained dog that I am meant to be in front of people which may be difficult to keep this act up for a long time, but I will try my best. I am even planning on listening to what is asked of me and obeying it in front of these important people, but I am not sure if this is a step too far for my innate stubborn self.

My plan is to ensure that everyone will believe that I am as innocent as my face looks, do you think it will work? I have five weeks before the book is out so I will try not to “accidentally borrow” another tennis ball from a shop, do any more dodgy doggy cuddles between strangers legs or be a panini thief in the run up to it to avoid bad press. I solemnly swear to allow Angus to eat some of his cat food and not take it all, keep the eye rolls to a minimum and not run off with another dogs ball for at least another five weeks to ensure that I will only been seen in a good light. Who knows maybe I will decide to write my own book about the maid then to tell of all her naughty ways which would be a good read I promise.

I am just off to perfect my look of innocence. What ever other people say about you just remember your inner angel and let it shine out for all to see.

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Minster, a.k.a…….

Tags

Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Nickname, Unconditional Love

Minster may be his official name as he was kindly sponsored by Lincoln Minster Prep School but deep down, he will always be my little Munch.

Nicknames are funny little things that usually have stories behind them that only those close to them know the reasoning behind them. The nickname Munch came about after his trainer spoke of his love for anything edible (and non-edible) and it’s kind of became a gateway into other nicknames that have stuck. Here is a brief list of some of the other nicknames that Munch goes by…

1. Angel Delight (because he is when he is sleeping).
2. Baby cakes (he will always be my baby).
3. Beyoncé (as he struts around like her).
4. Chihuahua wannabe (when he is acting like lap dog).
5. Clown (as if he wasn’t a guide dog, he would be entertaining crowds in a circus).
6. Drama king (Just stating the obvious).
7. Einstein (due to his lookalike eyebrows and his intelligence).
8. Fluffy face (when he needs a haircut).
9. Great oaf (due to his clumsiness).
10. Guru (he teaches me new life lessons each day).
11. Hairy bear (self-explanatory).
12. King Munch (let’s be fair, he is).
13. Lord and Master (quite rightly so).
14. Lazy Bones (he cat naps more than Angus who is a cat).
15. Mischief maker (the best around).
16. Monster Munch (if he was a pack of crisps, he would be cute scary ones).
17. Munch Bunch (tasty like a yoghurt).
18. Munchkins (his child like nature).
19. Munchkin Mop tops (thanks to his mop of hair).
20. My owner (I know my place in the relationship).
21. Precious (due to his delicate nature).
22. Rebel (he doesn’t do rules).
23. Sloth (which is like his usual pace in life).
24. Smelly Bear (from his awful anal exhales).
25. Sugar cube (due to his sweet nature).

May I just add, I always give him a kiss and a belly rub when I am calling his these as not to offend him and most of the time say it in my head not to create a show down where no doubt he will win. I know he must have a few nicknames for me but many may be unprintable as I am sure I can hear them slip out when he is rolling his eyes at me and sighing at me to tell me exactly what he thinks of me asking him to move his body into an upright position.

If I ever confuse you by referring to him by different names I do apologize. Everything I call him always comes from a place of unconditional love that I have for him and his quirky ways. I feel blessed to have met all these sides to him and I know I will continue to meet more as time goes on and I cannot wait.

The Growing Fluffball

Once upon a time there was a little cute fluffball called Minster who was destined to be a guide dog although he didn’t know it at the time. Four of his siblings from the same litter of eight also went on to become super intelligent guide dogs who would change the lives of the people that they were matched with in extraordinary ways. Little Minster (or Munch as he was later to become affectionately known as) was the mischievous one in the litter.

Not a day went by without him upping the stakes in the mischief department and he soon had people falling in love with his impish ways. As he was taken from his black Labrador mother Hetty and cream Canadian Poodle Pringle and taken to train as a super guide dog, he took with him the beautiful temperament and spirit of both of his parents into his new life. He added his own flare to what was expected of him in guide dog training life and ended up with a cocktail of charisma.

As his fur turned from pure black to added wisdom strands of grey and white, he began to look more and more grown up and some even said he was distinguished. As he kept his dog walkers and trainers on their toes by prancing from one flower bed to another and playing a tug of war with his friend with a net curtain that ended up in two, they sighed with relief as he went to sleep each night. His angelic looking face began to save him from many a cross word and kept him in peoples good books by the skin of his teeth.

When he was finally old enough and trained enough to be matched up with a person to become the professional working dog that he had spent months training for, the universe had a chuckle at what lay in store for the pair of them. The “non-blind looking” woman and the “non-conventional looking” guide dog both had similar clumsy, unique and quirky personalities that loved feeling different to others but perfectly matched to one another. Mishaps occurred from day one in either and sometimes both of their lives at any given time, but that just added to their sense of oneness.

Munch’s less hairy two-legged maid that she soon became known as, had always tried to stay away from the limelight whereas Munch basked in it as much as he could which strangely enough balanced each other out. As they both grew older and wiser together with grey wisdom strands decorating their hair, they happily reflected on all the fun that they had had together over the last two and a half years and looked forward with excitement for many years ahead together.

From then to present day, Munch may have changed a lot in appearance, but his personality will always remain the same. His attention seeking behaviour will never change and neither will his sense of mischievous adventure which I love. His true self will always be the thing that makes people fall deeply in love with him and him in love with them as his unconditional love never falters. Munch will always be the little furball that steals my heart each time I am with him, regardless how much he ages. Thanks, Hetty and Pringle for sharing your beautiful ways to create such a masterpiece of mayhem. ❤

The Embarrassing Penguin

Here I am a well trained and highly esteemed guide dog that has an image to uphold being lumbered with an embarrassing penguin. The shame of it all.

I used to refer to her as the maid but since she had that knee operation she has become less maid and more penguin as she does not walk in an acceptable manner trailing behind me but in a kind of lop sided waddle which I have to admit is an embarrassment. The physio said that she should use the crutches up to four weeks after the operation but oh no, the stubborn penguin says that they are getting in her way of walking and apparently it is difficult to use them and be guided by me the same time. I thought she always said that she could multitask but clearly, she can’t.

The embarrassing penguin originally told me that I had a few weeks off work out of my harness but she had gone back on her word and after only two and a half weeks she pleaded with me to go back in harness so that she could go out and about as she is getting too bored. She had no consideration for my image as she hobbles alongside me awkwardly. The looks of disdain that I give to her over my shoulder are lost on as she cannot see me anyway. This is not the standard of employment that I signed up for. I was promised the world not a wonky waddler with a dodgy knee.

I suppose on the brightside I have been able to start seeing my regular fans and make some new ones now that I am back in harness, working it like Beyoncé. The adoring fans have been welcoming me back into their shops and communities saying how much they have missed me (which is a given) and they are glad I am back brightening up their day. That is one of the upsides of my life I suppose as I get to go where other dogs don’t which means I get a lot of fuss, attention and ego strokes. Add all of this together with my new haircut and I am getting a lot of deserved love.

The embarrassing penguin on the other hand is getting lots of questions asked too which I don’t think is really warranted. Ok, she had knee surgery, but I was the one who went to the hospital with her on the day to put a smile on the faces of the staff members. I was the one that started off the topic of conversation with everyone from the anaesthetist to the porter not her. I was the one that they asked to come back sooner than planned as they were missing me. That’s all she did was lay there, have an operation and adopt a temporary funny walk.

I am hoping as the days go by and the embarrassing penguin is learning to bend her knee more and return to normal gait that my credibility will return. I know you will be sympathising with me and my current predicament, but rest assures I am pushing the embarrassing penguin to transform back into the humble maid as recovery happens. Lucky I am such a patient and thoughtful dog, otherwise she would be waddling like a penguin alone and not with such a handsome fella as myself. She is one lucky penguin.

Power Saving Mode

Tags

Guide Dog, Labradoodle, Summer solstice, Writing

Who doesn’t like a lazy summer day where the pace is slow and the good times flow? Moods seem more uplifted and people use this natural boost of Vitamin D to energise their days to connect with nature and make the most of the outdoors. Al fresco eating is a must as being indoors all day seems to be a waste. Tans and topped up and beach ready bodies that have been worked on for months are on show for all to see. The sun worshipers among us, need no prompting to lounge around in the sun and make the most of it whilst it is here.

Then there are the other types of people in the world that avoid the sun at all costs. The ones whose energy is zapped by the blazing bad boy in the sky who cannot seem to fire on all cylinders in this hot weather. Eating outdoors is a definite no unless they want to share their food with flies, wasps and other winged intruders who always seem to be buzzing around taunting them. The pale skinned among us who turn an impressive shade of lobster dare not leave the house unless they are smothered in sun cream as past experiences of horrific sun burn are etched into their memory. The sun protesters are the ones that dread stripping off the layers in this torturous season of heat. Seeking out a shady breeze is what keeps these people sane during the insanely hot season.

Munch kind of lays in the middle of these two groups of people. He loves the ideology of the first group where lounging around is a necessity and he is also rather partial to a little bit of al fresco eating especially where dropped BBQ food occurs. The other part of him however must side with the later lot that seeks the shade of the sensible. His hairy warrior like body does not last long in the sweltering heat so he needs constant fanning down and feeding of treats. His own designated paddling pool does not really get used for its purpose and he refuses to get into it so uses it as a constant drinking bowl to keep him hydrated.

As with most dogs in this heat, we don’t go out unless it is first thing in the morning or last thing at night to protect him from the heat which goes in well with my current restrictions on mobility after the knee op. Combine this with his delayed haircut as it was too hot in the groomers for the dogs, then we have a great excuse to be on power saving mode for the next couple of weeks.

Munch is napping at Olympic standards and I am using the free time to write like a serial writer. Whereas the power saving mode is beginning to annoy me slightly as I like being active, it seems like Munch is falling deeper and deeper into this new pace of life.

As he snores and I tap away at the laptop, I think this is the universes way of preparing us for a busy few months ahead of us from September onwards. Where other people will be entering the natural slowing of the pace that happens in Autumn, we will be picking up the pace and being the odd ones out. Learning to surrender to a slower pace of life has not been easy but it is what it is. Recharging batteries whenever we can in the year allows us to reboot and reenergise when we most need it to help us live the life that is waiting for us. However you are spending these sunny days, enjoy what they bring as much as you can.

The Pain Appreciation Club

Tags

ent, Humour, Pain, Pain manage, Thanks

If I started a pain appreciation club do you think anyone would join? Maybe I need to tell you the rules of the club first before you decide.

Rules
1. You must be able to accept that this pain that you are experiencing is here for a reason.

2. You must allow yourself to shout, scream, swear and shake at any given time when the pain is at its worse but when the pain eases even for the briefest of moments, you thank it for the break.

3. You must be able to believe that life will not always be like this as what can appear can also disappear.

4. You must know that there are many others in this world that have experienced the same pain as you and even greater pain and they may hold the key on how to help ease this pain in the most peculiar of ways.

5. You must be kind to yourself and allow all your feeling to be felt and never ignore them.

6. You must not only find the reason why the pain is here but also making the changes in your life that the pain is asking you to make.

7. You must learn new parts of yourself that you may have never met before.

8. You must never accept that there is only one way to heal as the best way to deal with pain is your own personal way,

9. You must thank the pain when you are ready for all the lessons that it has brought you.

10. You must know that there will be a different relationship with your pain when you learn to have a different relationship with yourself.

Whether physical or emotional pain, we always have a choice on how we deal with it. When pain first storms into gate crash our once pain free life, we may not rush in to give it a big welcoming hug, but we do need to listen to what messages it is bringing us.

Appreciating pain is not as bizarre as it sounds as it can bring about strengths in us that we never knew we had. Resilience, appreciation of the simple things in life, discovering inner strength and finding your new limits can all follow an encounter with pain.

If you are not ready to join the pain appreciation club just yet that is fine but maybe you could try and pick a few of the points to work on to help cope with this intruder better. Speedy healing sent to you from The Pain Appreciation Club ❤

Operation Munch

Tags

Animals, Doggie People, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Operation

So, the knee operation went well, and it is beginning to heal nicely. Most importantly though, I know you are all wondering how Munch has coped with it all. Here is a quick rundown of how he coped on op day.

7.30am – We arrived at the hospital and were shown to our own cubicle as they aware that Munch was coming in with me. As soon as we entered the room and the nurse left to get the paperwork to fill in, Munch went to jump up on the bed immediately. I caught him mid air and firmly told him to get down before Infection control on the ward had a total meltdown.

9am – Two nurses, the anaesthetist, surgeon, surgical procedure representative and a few passing people in the corridor had come to say hi to Munch and fallen in love with him. Many asked if they take him home with them, others just settled for a fuss.

10.30am – Munch went home for a little run and nap with my friend whilst I popped down to theatre. In the anaesthetic room the anaesthetist asked where Munch had gone which started a conversation off with the anaesthetic nurse about Munch and her nine stone New Foundland dog and the anaesthetist’s Golden retriever. After the spinal was administered and we were all busy laughing about doggy antics, the surgeon came in and asked whenever we were finished having our loud party, he was ready for us. Ooops, I always seem to get told off for laughing too loud and causing mayhem.

1.50pm – After a bit of ACL ligament removal and donor replacement, bone shaving, bone grafting and anchoring into place with some screws, I woke up in the recovery room to another nurse asking me about Munch. They had obviously been talking about him when I was in the sedated land of nod. After hearing more doggy stories from this new person it was time to go back up onto the ward.

3pm – During routine obs I was asked when Munch was coming back. My “when I get discharged” answer was not good enough apparently, so the nurse went to ask the other staff members and they said to bring him back now if I wanted to as they loved having him there. We settled on asking him to come back at 6.30 for the staff to have their Munch fix before they finished their shift.

6.30 – I was informed by my friend that brought him back that he was stopped in the corridor on the way up and was told by one of the nurses that he shouldn’t have taken him home as she missed him (Munch not my friend). I knew by the “Oh’s” that I heard when he came back that Munch was back on the ward and heading my way. After a quick sniff of my bandaged knee and a few gentle kisses he settled back down in the room but not before he gave me the obligatory “you are in MY bed” look.

7.45pm – Munch popped his head out in the corridor (whilst off harness but on his lead), to have a little nosey around. Two of the new night staff saw him and fell in love with him. I heard more and more voices coming over to him and cooing all over him as I was told there were six members of staff in all there fussing all over him. Questions fired at him and fuss was made, two even got sloppy kisses from him which I am sure they soon washed off with anti-bacterial wash

9.10pm – The porter came to collect us to take us to the main doors to go home. Munch had a quick sniff of him for approval which began off a whole new set of doggy stories from his own life.

All in all, it is fair to say that Munch had a lovely day full of fuss and attention. I had a day filled with sweet dog stories from all directions from people I never would have really had these conversations with them if it wasn’t for Munch. That day, my knee op was just a minor triviality in life with Munch. He has yet to go anywhere subtly and seems to always be centre of attention but that is the way that I always want to keep it. He is the best pain relief ever!

Radio Interview

Tags

Books, Writing

“So, tell me, what was it like to write the book because it is a big thing to do”, the lovely hosts voice questioned. “Well, I only started off writing a few lines about what it was like when you can’t see and it’s kind of evolved into a book” I replied honestly.

There are people who spend years working on their book to get them to the level of perfection that they want them to be at and there is a sliding scale of authors who write their books as if by accident. I so admire authors who put their heart and soul into creating the beautiful masterpieces and go through the highs and lows of the emotional commitment that they make to their book and their readers by creating a true reflection of their awesomeness. I really admire every author that writes the books that their readers are waiting to devour and here I am still feeling like an imposter in the land of the established authors .

I was being pre-recorded for a radio show that will be aired in around ten weeks’ time to coincide with the books release and an hour earlier my narrator on my laptop was busy chatting away to me to remind me of what I had written about in the book. Was this how all authors were or was it just me? The thing is, since completing writing the book I have written another and am currently nearly half of the way through writing a novel, so I needed a little prompting about everything I had written. The only parts that I didn’t need reminding about was the mischievous antics of Munch and the utter unconditional love that he has brought into my life. Those are etched in my mind and heart for eternity.

Knowing that the book is being released in just ten weeks brings about a cocktail of emotions. The dreaded question that many authors feel of what people will they know will think about the book is mixed in with the happy feeling that people may want to know what sight loss and life with a guide dog is really like. The hope that this book will help people rethink how they feel about their own disabilies, health conditions and adversities in a more positive way is a reason why I am excited for its release. Whatever happens with the book, it has been fun writing it and Munch’s mischievous side will now be known to many.

Regarding the interview on the radio, it went relatively well despite a few hesitations, I hope most people will get what my common Welsh accent was trying to say. When the programme that was recorded for the RNIB Connect Read on Audiobook programme is aired I will try and share the link. The secret life of Munch that you all read about is not really mentioned on air, but I hope people will chuckle and play catch up with the stories of Munch that some of you already know when they read or listen to the book. Maybe I will have to write a sequel about his Lordships antics to keep readers entertained. Now where could I begin….

Meet My Friend

Tags

Animals, Friends, Guide Dog, Humour, tortoise

Hey, come and meet my new best friend! I heard the maid wrote a post about me a little while ago saying that it was taking me time to get used to Faith the tortoise. Well, let me tell you MY version of events before you make up your mind about who is right and which maid was wrong.

I have known Faith and Hero (her brother) for the last two years and I have often gone up to the vivarium that they were in or the run outside that they exercised in and graced them with seeing my handsome face. I knew that my face would brighten up anyone’s day as who could resist my Labradoodle good looks? I sometimes barked to ask them if they wanted to come and play but the spoil sports never did.They lived with my two legged less hairy grandparents so I knew them quite well and it was on top of their indoor home that my treats were kept so there will always be a special place in my heart for them ( I mean my treats but I suppose I also mean the tortoises) .

When Hero went missing a few weeks ago after they had both hatched an escape plan from their outdoor run, my grandparents felt like they needed to be somewhere where they had more freedom, so the maid offered to have them. Hero is still missing in action although we believe he is exploring the great outdoors of the lush Welsh land so will be fine and will not starve. Faith however has made herself comfy in MY home.

Apparently, my barking at her when she arrived and touching her with my paw and mouth was not acceptable, so the maid kept us apart for a while. I finally got around to train the maid to give me a treat for every time I was around Faith on my lead and didn’t bark. The next step I trained her in was when she allowed me to go near Faith without my lead on. I remained silent and had masses of fuss and a treat. This training process of my maid only took me a matter of four days which was impressive as it usually takes me longer to train her in other areas.

We have now got to the stage that I go and find Faith when the maid asks me too and sniff her out where I will stay with her until the maid comes over. As the maid cannot see, I am her eyes in looking after Faith and have gone to get her a few times when Faith gets stuck between two objects and needs rescuing.

Although I am still top dog in the family and the two legged less hairy race, Angus and Faith are below me, I am willing to admit that I like having all of these around. Faith and I will get on just fine I think as I admire her pace of life and her low maintenance ways doesn’t interfere with my high maintenance standards. I think we will soon become best of friends.

Bring on the next challenge of letting me train my maid and trick her into giving me treats to stop my”unacceptable “behaviour. I wonder when my next new best friend will arrive for some more delicious training treats?

Mirror, Mirror….

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

Well my dear you are. As well as the the other 7.7 billion people in the world you are among the fairest. Your strengths may be another’s weakness but their strengths may be the thing that one day saves your life. There is no one person that is really fairer than other, just faulty thinking that there is.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the most perfect of them all?

Well my dear, you are. As well as the other 7.7 billion people in the world you are perfect at being you. Your perfect life that you have worked so hard to achieve could not have been possible without the help of the perfect others that have been there for you. Perfection is a personal standard that lays on a sliding scale.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the most loving of them all?

Well my dear, you are. As well as the other 7.7 billion people in the world, everyone and everything that you love is enriched by you. Your ability to love another should not rely on the subject that is being loved but the openness of your heart to love all.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the brightest of them all?

Well my dear, you are. As well as the other 7.7 billion people in the world, you bring a certain something to the world that no other possesses. Intelligence is not something a test can determine but your reaction to a problem that no other can solve. Together, there is nothing that is impossible.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the happiest of them all?

Well my dear, you are. As well as the other 7.7 billion people in the world, your happiness zone is ever increasing as you find what make your smile. A shared smile can be more powerful than a smile that remains hidden for others to see. The simplicity in life can bring about the greatest happiness to all.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the most humble of them all?

Well my dear, sadly it is not you. As well as the other 7.7 billion people in the world, having your ego stroked by another should not be needed. Asking if you are better in any way than another will never give you the answer you need. Acknowledging we are all equal in our unique ways will help you find the humbleness that you are searching for.

Thank you mirror for showing us who we really are and what lays in one, also lays in another.