Enjoying Our Own Freedom

Tags

Caronavirus, Guide Dogs, Humour, Isolarion, Sight Loss

What do you think it is like out there? Do you think it is as bad as they say?

Maybe, but let us not go out just yet Munch to find out if what they say is true. Shall we just stick to the local walks and run in the local field so that we can enjoy the fresh air where there are no strict rules that we may not obey even when we try.

What do you mean? I am a fully trained guide dog that obeys commands all the rime. Well, sometimes. Well I can when I want and always do when I am on duty.

I know that sweetheart and when on harness you are always so good and listen well and always keep me safe. It is not you I promise, it is just we now must do things differently and you have not been trained for that.

What things have I not been trained for? I have been trained to help you find things like doors and the food in the shop that we always go to. I help you find the counter and the steps and everything else we need to look out for to keep you safe when we are out.

You are awesome at all those things, but now certain things have changed. You always help me find the doors which you are fab at but now people apparently must queue 2 metres apart and if we approach the door from the opposite direction of the queue Munch you may not realise that they are waiting to get into the shop and we may jump the queue. I have heard of quite a few people with sight loss getting shouted at for their guide dogs leading them straight to the door so I really don’t want that to happen.

Why would any sighted person shout at someone with a guide dog as surely common sense would mean that we are there to help you because you can’t see the queues or what 2 metres apart mean if you can’t see 2 meters.

I know Munch, you would think so wouldn’t you. The majority of the sighted community are absolutely amazing and are always helpful but there are some who really don’t get what sight loss is and it is not really their fault as it must be hard for them to imagine what it is like. They do not mean to be mean. These select few will also have a total melt down seeing me touching products as I have to remember in my mind where everything is in the shop and pick them up to feel if they are the right ones and hold the item close to my face to attempt to see if it is the right thing. If I did this now in the shops, I swear me and the products will be power washed down with extra strength disinfected whilst shoppers run screaming in panic in all different directions away from us. Let us not do that shall we Munch.

Do you think I could go for a run with them? I love playing chase.

Maybe not Munch. Anyway, I would need you to help me find the checkout to pay for the shopping. I have heard they have plastic screens up now in some places so I obviously wouldn’t be able to see them so the shopping trip may resemble me acting like a Mime artist trying to feel my way around the screen to where we are meant to put our shopping and pay.

That would be funny to watch though my little maid. Wouldn’t someone help you though?

I would hope so but maybe they would not realize that you were with me if you were below counter level and they were sitting way back from the screen. I really do not know what sighted people can see Munch. It is a mystery to me. Another thing is I know this sounds like a stupid question but do people wearing masks sound muffled when talking especially when they wear the Darth Vader like masks? I rely on hearing people not seeing them.

Wait. Hang on they wear masks? Like vets? Oh no, please do not say they wear gloves as well like vets do they?

Well Munch some do wear both. Some wear fabric masks apparently whereas others wear more industrial ones and some wear gloves although there are scientific studies showing that both of these may be more damaging than good but everyone has a right to choose to do what makes them feel safe and we have to respect that.

Wow. Wait. If these people keep their gloves on throughout the shopping trip, don’t they just spread what they have just touched that could have something on the surface? Do you know when the vet rakes my temperature in that ‘delicate’ place of mine and makes me walk funny afterwards, he rakes off his gloves straight away. I cannot imagine him wanting to touch his lunch afterwards. Yeah maybe we could stay away from the shops. I really don’t like gloved hands as it reminds me of the vet.

That is an excellent idea Munch. Shall we just keep doing our own little thing in our own little way as it sounds more normal than what is out there now.

Yes, sounds good to me. Can we just run, play, and swim in the river with all this free time we have? I can keep napping when you work from home and we can keep our self in the world of normality.

That is fine but you do know we will have to go back to work in schools but probably will not be until September now in Wales.

That is fine with me. I am missing hoovering up the dropped bacon rolls form the playground and masses of fuss I always get. Will anything have changed in schools?

Unfortunately, yes, a lot will change in schools but let us look at that another time. You will still have dropped food to clear up so that will be one consistency that will always be the same. Until then, just keep looking out of the window, do not stress that every gloved person is a vet and let me know when you fancy going out to connect with nature as that is the best medicine ever. We still have freedom in how we see things so let us enjoy it in our own unique way.

International Guide Dogs Day 2020

Tags

Dogs, Guide Dogs, Humour, International Guide Dog Day, Interview, Labradoodle, Sports

To celebrate International Guide Dogs Day on April 29th, 2020. I asked my boss (aka Guide Dog Minster Munch) about what it was like to have such an important role in society. His answers were…. well just read on and make up your own mind.

Happy International Guide Dog Day Munch. Thank you for doing such an amazing job. Without you maids such as myself, would not be able to live the independent life we do. We also would not be able to feel the total unconditional love and the selfless dedication that you provide each day on keeping us safe. My question is, do you feel valued and appreciated enough by me, your mere maid?

Firstly may I thank you for the words that stroke my ego. Would you mind from now on starting all your sentences in this manner? Hmmm, do I feel valued and appreciated enough? No to be honest. This morning my breakfast was a little late as you only called me twice to get up , you prevented me form eating all of Angus’s cat food and took it away from me half way through eating it and you only gave me half a slice of toast when my pleading eyes clearly told you I wanted a whole slice.

May I apologize for all of those I truly am sorry. Food aside, do you feel I appreciate you in other ways?

Well, I only had ¾ of the bed to myself last night not the full bed as you took up the other ¼. I have only had two new toys this week and I have even had to go in harness three times this week apparently to remind me how to wear in case I forget? Please, I would never forget a role that brings me so much attention from the public. I am not daft.

Sorry. Again. OK all those points aside, is there anything else I could do to show you my appreciation every day?

Maybe an award giving ceremony everyday before bed? I will take treats as awards. I do not want pointless medals or certificates as I know I am number 1 at everything anyway.

Noted. We shall start tonight. Ok so the next question is if you did not train to be a guide dog, what do you think you would be doing with your life right now?

Well I am not sure really. Being a working dog takes a lot of responsibility and even when you are off duty you never really feel off duty. I am ever vigilant for any food spills around as I always want to prevent an accident as let us be honest, clumsy is your default setting. I remove any food I find on the floor for your safety alone. I also must represent the Guide Dogs charity when I am out, so I am always on my best behaviour. I am not sure I could be anything else than a guide dog.

Always on your best behaviour?? Are you sure?? Do you remember the time that you stole the panini from the pupil in school? Or the time you put your head between that poor man’s legs in Tesco’s to smell the doggy sausage he was holding in the pet food aisle? What about the time you tried to chase the squirrel up the tree whist in harness? Or the time…

Enough maid. This is my interview so let us just focus on what I say.

Sigh. Okay sorry. Back to the original point. What would you be in life if you were not a guide dog extraordinaire?

Sloths seem to have a good life. Maybe I could be a sloth.

Okay thanks. What about if you had to be a dog though? Would your like to be another type of working dog?

A sniffer dog seems to be a fun job to have. Do you remember when I joined that Spaniel Police Dog sniffing the train when we were on it one day coming from London? We had so much fun sniffing together when the lovely police lady came over to pay me attention. I sniffed out the food on the floor first and for some reason the Spaniel went past it.

Yes, Munch I remember that day. I think however the other dog may have been sniffing out other things on the train not just food so she was actually doing her job by ignoring it.

What? What else is there apart form food.

Never mind Munch, you do not need to know. Keep your innocence. What about any other type of working dog?

I do not fancy being a sheep dog. They do not tend to chase back to play tag like us dogs do. If I found a stick or something more interesting, I would probably play with that anyway.

Sheep dogs do not really play tag with the sheep sweetheart. They kind of help the farmer to gather them all together and other things that I do not think would interest you. What about a guard dog? Could you have seen yourself as a guard dog?

What and stay outside? Are you mad woman? There are no sofas or cushions outside for me to lie on. What would I be guarding anyway? Angus the cat is feisty enough for the both of us. Even the birds and mice lie motionless on our doorstep when he brings them home for you as a gift.

Fair point. Maybe becoming a guard dog was not for you. So, what have you learnt in your three years of being a guide dog?

I have learnt that people adore me. I have learnt how to write a book. I have learned that if I find the bus stops or taxi ranks, I do not have to walk and can save my legs from getting tired. I have learnt which people in my life take me for fun free runs. I have learnt how to steals balls but only once from a shop. I have learnt how to use my beauty to get me treats. I have learned to not to give doggy cuddles under shorter people’s legs in case they get stuck on top of me again. I have learnt to demand a massage once or twice a day. I have learnt that the more I love, the more I am loved.

You sound like you have learnt a lot….

Oh, I have also learnt how to look shocked if I let out a smelly anal exhale and use my bewilderment to blame it on anyone else in the room as I look far too regal to do such things.

Thanks for sharing that…. talent. What would you like say to the person reading this?

I am amazing and you can keep worshipping me as much as you want. Regarding guide dogs, we are awesome. We look after our maids and servants that we are matched with so well and help them get out in the world and live the life that they want to live. It is even more important at this time in history as we act as a clue to the onlooker that the person, we are with cannot see like a sighted person. We alert them that we as a team do not see the markings on the floor that encourage social distancing in shops. They cannot see what 2m apart looks like when they cannot see 2m in front of them. We alert the sighted that we as a team may need a little more understanding of how this pandemic and the measure we need to take in society is not as easy for some to follow as others. We guide dogs have not been taught about the new measures that are put in place in a visual world. We are trained to find the door join a queue (not necessarily at 2m apart) and go the route that we have learnt around a shop and not necessity follow arrows as arrows were not in our training.
If you see a guide dog and his/her owner (sorry staff member) out during this time, please remember to be kind and not critical as the change that you are experiencing in the world is even harder for a dog to learn. We may be life changing in every other way but this life change we are all experience needs us to work together not apart.

Oh yes and nag my Maid to write more regular blogs as she has been useless recently and I know you really want to keep hearing how well behaved I am 😁. Stay safe all.

Whatever The Question, The Answer Is Always Play.

Tags

Guide Dogs, Pets, Unconditional Love, Work And Play

Whatever the question is, the answer is always play.

It’s been a weird few week with the two legged less hairy race home more. I have joined the common four-legged hairy canine, feline and other species who remain home day in, day out which is strange for a working dog like me. My guide dog skills aren’t needed as much these days by my maid as we are now part of the “working from home” force which is a little disappointing if I am being honest.

At home, I no longer get the “oh look, there is a dog in school” coo’s or the chance to help the cleaning staff out by hoovering up the dropped food from the corridors as we move through the school on our daily journeys. I don’t get to take my bed and toys to work with me and steal my maid’s lunch from her bag when she is busy working now either. I must admit though that it is the children I am missing the most.

The children always want to play with me when I am in school. As she counsels them, I bring them one of my toys to play catch. As they cry into my fur, I lick their tears clean with my tender kisses. As they lay on the floor with me, we pause and reset, ready to emerge from the room to continue life as best they can. You see, it is the children that have the best way of being in the world and that is what I am missing being part of the most.

Children love without condition in a world that they want to see equality which disappears more each day. They are our teachers who show us that when all else gets too much, the answer to anything we are ever going through is play. It is in the land of play that worries are forgotten, imagination sparks into life and connections are made to people, objects and nature alike.Here in the land of play where hearts heal when the worries stop, people rediscover who they really are and who they can potentially become.

Happiness is the default setting for all when they return to the powerful first language of play. This is the universal language that unites humans and animals and is a bubble of bliss that brings them together more than anything else in the world.Over the last three weeks of being home, we have played more than usual which has made me one happy dog. Play is the anthem of my heart that I want to share with everyone around me anyway I can.

If you are finding yourself lost in a world that no longer makes sense, the answer to it all lays in play. Gift yourself with the simplest medicine that you will ever need. Play and let your tail wag with pride and joy and let the love pour in. By the way, “Tag, you’re on”!!!

A Different Kind of Mother’s Day.

Tags

Love, Motherls Day, Unconditional Love, Unity

Mother’s Day has taken on a new kind of twist this year that makes no sense to anyone.

Generations of mothers can expect a lot this year for their annual day of worship, but not everything will be a gift. Their children will be desperate to make their mother smile and show them how much they love them but this year they will be more creative in how they do it. Elderly mothers and mothers who are ill will be on their own this year and will long to see their children who are staying away to save their own mother because they care so deeply.

The pane of glass that separates mother and child on this special day, will not be there next year but for today it is there to keep both safe. Seeing one another on a screen will be the new face to face for a time to come, but they will soon reunite in the physical form and plant kisses on each other’s cheeks. It is the delivery drivers this year that will be leaving the flower outside of doors, instead of a child giving them in person. This year is just so different.

With so little time to plan, mothers everywhere have been so busy planning how to keep their children safe that many will have forgotten it is Mother’s Day for them today. Building a fort of love around their own family and reaching out to other families in whatever way they can, the only gift that they will really want to receive this year is for loved ones and strangers alike to be safe and well. A mother’s heart expands well beyond her own life as she feels for more children than she actually birthed.

Who would have guessed that a virus that is spreading across the globe devastating whole communities would be the glue that unites nations and brings people together? Mothers are no exception. Mamma bears everywhere today will be doing what they can to connect to whoever they can and keep everyone safe and uplifted as possible. Mothers that know best are there for one and all.

However you get to celebrate Mother’s Day today whether with your own children, mother, fur baby or in loving memory of a mother who has passed, make sure you celebrate in style as we honour the ones who make life possible. This year may be a tough one for most across the world but maybe this is meant to show us that there is a different way of life that the biggest mother of all is showing us. Mother Nature has our backs and is here to teach us lessons we all need to learn.

Happy Mother’s Day one and all wherever you may be.

I Will Never Be Alone

Tags

Acceptance, Animals, Family, Guide Dogs, Humour, Unconditional Love

Here we go again. Is it unreasonable to ask for some peace and quiet just for one day?It is bad enough that the two legged less hairy race that others call humans must walk around my home acting like they own the place. They may pay the bills and do work around the home, but they all know deep down that this was a far less important place before I got here. Before the Munch reign, they just had themselves to talk amongst and Angus the cat to communicate with. Now they have been introduced to what life with a real star is like as I took over the reign here from day one.Undeterred by Angus’s hostile swipe that greeted me as I first walked through the door, I knew that he would soon back down and be putty in my paws. With every surface that I bless with my hair with around the place (which to be fair is most surfaces), I am claiming the whole estate as my own. The indents on pillows from my sleepy head means that I, King Munch, allow the staff members to know that their spaces are all mine too.This makes my regal labradoodle heart sing out with joy as I know that my staff here love me as one of their own. I don’t like to remind them that they are lowly staff members and I am above them in importance as that would just be too harsh. What I do like to remind them of however is that Angus and Faith the tortoise are not always welcome in the same room as I as they only try and compete for attention which clearly, they are not entitled too.Admittedly Angus was here first but when it comes to cats versus dogs, we should always be respected.I for one have never killed another small bird or animals like Angus has done and brought it home for the maid. How dull is he? Does he really think that a dead mouse or bird on the floor is really a gift for squeamish vegan? I think not. I am sure she has not truly forgiven him for when the maid left an Imprint of her heel on the body of a dead rat he had brought into the house a couple of years ago. At least us guide dogs know never to leave objects in the way of a blind person. My toys are a different matter as she will soon her them squeak if she stands on them.As for Faith, she really does think that she is the new kid on the block. As not every household has a tortoise, but most have a cat or a dog, she loves all the attention that she gets from others. Playing the “I am slow and innocent” really doesn’t fool me as she is soon fast enough to clamber over my tail as I innocently sit at my maid’s feet patiently waiting for my share of the food on the maid’s plate. A tortoise can be more diva like than you think and there is not room for two of us diva’s in this family.On reflection though, I suppose being surrounded by the two legged less hairy race, Angus and Faith does mean that I will never be alone as that would break my heart. We all need others around us and although I know that I, King Munch, will always rule this place I cannot imagine life without them. Being part of a loving network of odd people and animals is better than being alone. Whoever and however you connect with others, keep making sure you do connect. Your funny tribe of souls that you find yourself surrounded by are really just perfect as they are.

The Honorary Welshman

Tags

Celebration, Dydd Gwyl Dwei, Guide Dogs, Labradoodle, Saint David's Day, Unconditional Love

Munch has adapted well to this funny little country of ours fair play to him.

Being of Canadian/English descent, I don’t really think he was prepared to come and live in Wales where to any outsiders seems a little odd. As his head tilts increased to try and understand what my funny little accent was telling him, it was clear to see that he was a patient dog. Within a matter of six months he had learnt his normal guide dog commands all in Welsh due to my total inability to stick to one language which any bilingual person would understand. I am sure he has even learnt to understand our daily nonsensical phrases such as “I’ll be there in a minute now” that echoes all around him.

The lush greenery and land that covers the beautiful countryside that we are surrounded by, may be one of the most alluring bonuses of the move for Munch as he bounds around in newly discovered areas which never fails to impress him. He has made friends with sheep on mountains and cows in the fields who are always unfazed by this playful tornado that breaks the monotony of their days. Swimming with swans may not be for the faint hearted but here, he has made many a friend with these bevy of beauties who call him back into the pond to play. He is the social butterfly amongst the species in a place that they all call home.

Sashaying through towns where everyone stops to talk, he luxuriates in the love showered upon him by strangers who become friends. The Welsh hospitality is what this regal dog was made for as he meets and greets people every day and entices them to love him for who he is. Gifts from random strangers are far from a rarity as communities accept all members of your family (hairy or non-hairy) as their own. Munch’s name is known in places where everyone knowns one another in some way or another and they all know his mischievous ways which makes him even more memorable.

Not one to turn his nose up to food, he rarely says no to some traditional Welsh food if it is offered to him as he does not like to offend. Cawl (a Welsh soup or broth) bread and cheese will always be accepted without fail, as are plain Welsh cakes, Welsh meat and welsh rarebit all adjusted to be dog friendly. As eating is such a social event that Welsh mothers insist upon others, it would be so unkind to leave him out so sharing however small in this case is always caring.

He has fitted in so well in Wales over the last three years that it is only fair that this honorary Welshman joins in with our Dydd Gwyl Dewi (St David’s Day) celebrations. However, you may or may not be celebrating this day, Munch would like to wish you a good one full of love and contentment for ever more. There is always a welcome in the hillside for you where we will welcome you with open arms and paws.

My Guiding Shadow

Tags

Guidance, Guide Dogs, Labradoodle, Unconditional Love

My shadow that I have, never lets me feel alone. Solitude is a far distant memory as my shadow is omnipresent and never leaves my side. Day and night, throughout the seasons my shadow comes with me to places that other shadows are rarely allowed to go. My shadow never goes unnoticed by others, as it refuses to blend in and demands to stand out. My funny little shadow knows how to work it for the crowds.The hair of my shadow never looks pristine but takes on a more natural untamed look. It likes to move freely without any restrictions as the free spirit moves merrily through life. The shadow side steps a mundane way of life to search out a more mischievous way of being.You will always find my shadow going a different way than others, as predictability shrivels up the passion that lies within.The thing is, my shadow has more legs than me and a tail whilst I have none. My shadow is a he whist I am a she. I am only bilingual whereas he is trilingual and understands both human and non-human speech. My shadow sleeps whilst I am awake, but we can both come together to have some fun. He craves the attention wherever he goes whereas I love to just people watch even though I cannot see.Munch, my favourite shadow is always by my side and it feels like we have been in each other’s lives forever and not just the three short years since we were paired together. Wherever I turn he is there and feels like my guiding shadow who is never far away. His infectious loving ways means that there is never a moment to feel alone even when we step into the sighted world where I sometimes feel like an outsider.Guide dogs are more than just practical help in life, as they guide us to places within ourselves that we never knew existed. He makes the unpredictable sighted world more predictable as he leads me safely to places that I never would have found without him.With only the requirement of food and non-stop fuss, my shadow gives back the pure unconditional love that would make anyone feel blessed.Wherever you find your guiding shadow, remember to tell it how amazing it really is as without it, you wouldn’t be the person that you are today.

The Judging Sceptic

Tags

Acceptance, Blind, Hidden Disability, Non Judgemental Attitude, Sight Loss

I forget people can see me rolling my eyes. To be honest, I forget people can see.

When you have never seen a face clearly before as everyone is just a blur, you kind of forget that the sighted world sees everything. They especially see the things that you really don’t want them to see, such as eye rolling that I am rather partial too. Ooooops.

With a face that just cannot lie, I let my eyes roll upwards and to the side to try and search for a polite answer to the snappy sounding store assistant that stood before me. I am usually far more patient, but I had just experienced this London Bus Syndrome senario where for the third time in less than twenty minutes those dreaded four words were directed at me. To others, the words “you don’t look blind” may seem like a compliment and it is in a way but when it is said in an accusing tone, it really isn’t a compliment. It was this third London Bus that day that had come along after a drought of these well-meaning buses that had triggered the lively eyes rolling in my head.

Maybe my reaction was slightly more emphasised after she had said that she had “seen a lot of blind people in this shop and you don’t look like them”. A spluttered giggle remained inside of me. A colourful phrase stayed inside my head and did not escape my lips. What was more surprising was, I even managed to not bite back to her curt accusing tone with a crocodile snap of my own. The other two previous people who had stopped to cheery chat and said I didn’t look blind meant it in a positive light but this lady was different. She was like many we had come across in the past, which were the worst kind. The Sceptic.

Walking around with a physical disability feels like you sometimes need to carry medical evidence around with you to thrust in somebody’s face to validate yourself and prove their ignorance wrong. I understand that the primary source of information that many in the sighted world use to make decisions is their vision, but I sometimes wish it wasn’t as looks can be so deceiving. Having a unusual looking striking guide dog does not help with the stereotyping of what a blind person or a guide dog should look like either which she also picked up on. This apparent expert on not only what “blind people look like” but also an expert in the field of guide dogs as her next door neighbours aunt had one, thought that a Labradoodle like Munch was not a guide dog. The ignorance of others can really make your mind boggle. It does make me thankful that I do not use my eyes alone to make judgements on people that I know nothing about. Now that would be living with true blindness.

I really hope that my parting words to her would help her to broaden her narrow outlook on life, but I somehow doubt it. Cheerily uttering the words “we don’t all look the same” filled the silence between us with no reply from her as we bid her goodbye. Whether or not this planted seed will grow a more open way for her to see the world or not, I feel like I did my bit. I am still working on my poker face whilst persuading my overtly rolling eyes to calm down whilst in such situations, so maybe I will get there someday. Until then I will continue to clench my teeth and smile sweetly in my non blind looking way.

Judging will always say more about the person judging than the one being judged.

The Little Things

Tags

Animals, Animals and Children, Guide Dogs, Kindness, Labradoodle, Unconditional Love

It is the little things that we do in life that means the most. A sweet loving gaze given to a lonely old soul can make a person feel noticed in an isolated world. The universal language of smiling will always be welcomed wherever you are in the world so smile away to keep connected wherever you may be. A lively hello can lift the vibration of a person filled with sadness and help them to remember a different way of life. Whatever that little thing you do for someone else will always be the right thing if it comes from a place of love.

Munch always does his own little thing in his own little way whenever he can. The day that the above picture was taken, we had just had a heavy day in work. Working as a counsellor is an amazing and rewarding job but with it also brings a lot of sadness. Listening to children talk about the hardships that they are facing in life is never easy to hear as I just want to wave a magic wand for them to make it all better. Deep down I know that this will pass, and life will get better. but I feel the deep pain that they are carrying around with them which is the worst feeling ever.I may not have a magic wand for the clients to use but I do have a magic weapon that helps them escape from their sadness even if it is just momentarily.

My hairy secret weapon called Munch, gives them permission to feel secure pain in a non- judgemental way. Giving them his hairy body for them to cry into is only one of the ways he likes to help. As they snuggle their faces in him and soak him with tears, he becomes the rock that they need at that moment. He gives them his heart as freely as he gives them his paw to greet them into the world of friendship forever. He raises a laugh from a place long forgotten when he puts on an act that he known will help.

From chasing his tail to preforming the dying fly, he takes them out of their own world and into another where problems don’t exist. He gives them his toy to make them play fetch but makes them do all the fetching just to keep them on their toes. Whatever he can do to lift their spirits, he will do it with passion. The beauty of animal healing never fails to raise spirits as they come from a place of love where nothing, but perfection exists.

As we sat on the floor together that day, with him partly on my lap, it felt like we were both reflecting on a day that we made little differences to our client’s lives. It felt like Munch was born to help others in his quirky little ways that filled his heart with as much joy as the recipients. He would not suit every guide dog owner as his Drama King stubborn qualities do not suit everyone but to me, he is just perfect. His little things in life make up a whole package of perfection that I hope will never be forgotten.

Your little things in life make perfect memories so keep them flowing for a better world.

A Different Way Of Life

Tags

Blind, Children, Disability, Parenting, Sight Loss

I was sure that was his ear that I was lovingly gazing at. Just to make sure I gently traced my finger along his tiny head that lay in the crook of my arm and felt where his baby soft hair ended and his tiny ear began. I wasn’t far off where I thought where his ear was. My double vision of this beautiful blur had led me slightly off course but what did it matter anyway? The miracle of life that had still been inside me just 13 hours before was now being fed in my arms as I stood in my dining room with my other hand resting on his brothers highchair. This feeling of unconditional love that swept through me was not new as I had experienced it three other times over the last six years when my other children were born but it was slightly different. Just hours earlier a lovely student midwife had asked me if there was anything that I needed help with because of my eyesight and that was totally new.

Over the years I had never been asked that question by anyone. Had she not discussed my medical notes with me and enquired with her fresh new mind about what issues Marfan Syndrome gave me I would not have told her my eyes were “not the best”. It was so lovely to see the eagerness of the student to drink in all the information that she knew would help her on her placement. As soon as the caring questions left her lips, I began to think if there was any help that I needed? I had never thought of this before as I had always got on with motherhood in my own way and loved all its challenges. If you know no other way of life, then there is nothing that can ever really be missing from it.

I really wanted to tell this sweet young girl that if I had fully functioning vision I probably would need help to learn to parent all over again but I didn’t as it would sound bizarre. The thing was. It was because I couldn’t see that I found motherhood so smooth. I tuned into my children at such a deep level that I could sense everything about them. My touch told me how they were in themselves, my hearing let me know what their cries needed, and my gut told me if there was anything to fear in the silence. My logical brain told me everything I needed to know to keep them safe and therefore if all of these senses that had kept them happy and safe for the last six years were dampened down and I was given fully functioning vision instead, I would have to unlearn all that I had learnt.

I knew each of their personalised footsteps as they raced around the house and listened for the different materials of their coats rubbing as their arms propelled them forward whilst running outdoors to know that they were safe. Their whispering sleep filled breath that fell on my ears at night assured me that they were happily dreaming away nicely. The freshly smelling bathed baby soft bodies let me know that they were clean in their fragrant newly washed clothes. Most of all however it was their giggles that let me know that even though their mother could not see as well as most, they were doing okay. I am not sure therefore if I ever did need any additional help as I felt that however we all worked together as a team, it worked. My four beautiful children were the best teachers I have ever had in my blurry. “not the best” visioned world.

Thinking back to 16 years ago to this scene of me standing with my son (who is now 6ft 4) in my arms, makes me grateful for my sight loss as it made me fall in love with my children and life in a different way. My beautiful eldest daughter is now an amazing mother to her own sweet daughter and are both a ray of sunshine wherever they go. My second daughter who is only 11 months younger has turned out to be the most thoughtful and caring person you can ask for and is herself a student midwife asking similar important questions to help new mothers in any way she can. My adorably quirky oldest son has achieved things that nobody expected him to achieve and overcome barriers that would have stopped most yet his determination is omnipresent. My youngest charismatic mischief making son, is led by his old soul in connecting lovingly to people he meets and makes them feel valued. They have turned out perfect in every way.

So, when people ask me why I didn’t tell people I could not see or ask for help when I brought up these amazing people, I didn’t feel like I needed to. Maybe the whole story will appear in another book someday but until then I will just say that I wouldn’t have changed anything as these perfect not so little people showed me a different kind of magical life that I am blessed to have lived with them.