Munch has been working hard on his perfect summer ready body. Here are a few tips from King Munch himself on what had helped him arrive at a place of pre summer self love.
1. Everything in balance. If you are going to jump up and streal half a pizza from a counter top, make sure you follow up with a sneaky lick at some strawberry ice cream. Munch is adamant that strawberry ice cream counts as 1 of your 5 a day although not everyone would agree. Balance is everything.
2. Only surround your self with positivity. If the people around you don’t love you for who you are, they are probably not your people. If people don’t inflate Munch’s Ego to bursting point by telling him how sweet he looks, they probably won’t get a second glance from the drama King.
3. Embrace your style. Munch’s style is unique on many different levels. From looking like ‘an unusual Guide Dog’ to a non convincing Labradoodle to the untrained eye, Munch can seem more mysterious than run of the mill. Changing from Sashay, to a trot, to a bull like charge, Munch has mastered the art of metamorphosis to suit his surroundings.
4. Lead the way. Among his friends that he plays with each morning before work, he is the ring leader. He compassionately shows his friends the best escape routes to use, the most effective way to become chief ball thief and how to use doggy charm to secure you another ten minutes of play. Become the lead others want to follow.
5. Adapt to your situation. Munch’s harness has been getting a little bit snug on him recently so there was only one thing for it, a haircut. It was clearly his hair that was causing his ever shrinking harness and not his slightly curvaceous body so action was needed. This slight adaption would give him that extra time to get a few calorie fighting extra free runs in or possibly a new notch on his harness belt to allow a little more growth.
6. Get the work play balance right. Munch likes to get rewarded for the smallest amount of work. His sliding reward scale is forever evolving. Laying eyes on his harness, he wants a treat. Getting up off the floor in work to put his harness on to lead me out of the room, he wants some of my lunch. If we go on a walk where he is in harness for longer than half an hour, he wants a two hour free run. The bigger the work, the bigger the play
7. Love the skin you are in. A poster boy for body confidence, Munch never doubts his magnetic charm. Usually the biggest and clumsiest among his friends, he still thinks like an elegant Afghan Hound. Thudding his six stone physique on your lap, he enters his Cavaller king Charles Spaniel version of himself that entitles him to undivided attention. He is not a slave to the boundaries of size.
Subtlety is not his thing, but flamboyancey is. Getting ready for his summer body may not be the route celebrities take but I much rather his version and it seems far more fun so I know which route I will be following this summer.
Autism has been part of our lives for the last 20 years and has been one of my greatest teachers. From a keen interest in the subject whilst in school, to a book on Autism literally falling off a shelf in front of me in a library many years ago, it was clear the universe was trying to get my attention. Add to that the fact that my Birthday on the 2nd April falls on World Autism Awareness Day, it was pretty hard to ignore. On reflection, I think it was a signal from the universe that I needed to prepare to step out of my own neurotypical way of thinking to prepare to enter into the neurodiverse way of being that my son and many others would teach me.
Since birth, my son Jaidan showed early signs that he may be Autistic. On one hand he was disconnected from social cues that other babies his age tended to pick up on but could figure out complex predictable sequences where other babies remained oblivious. He seemed to be too placid where other babies his age were more reactive. Jaidan lost his limited vocabulary from 18 months ro 3 years , whilst others expanded their spoken language. Play was repetive and consistent whilst others enjoyed more variety. What was clear with Jaidan though was that he was experiencing life on a far deeper level that other children his age. He had an ability to know things that should have been beyond his age appropriate knowledge. He saw things that his peers were not developed enough to do and made me question much of the negativity that was written about Autism. Could it be that it was more of an ability than a disability?
Fast forward 20 years on, I have not only had the blessing of having many years of feedback from Jaidan on what daily life is like for him as an Autistic young man but I have also learnt from a large number of my clients through work as a School Counsellor. Such a diverse viewpoint has helped me reflect on how my understanding of Autism has moved away from many textbooks usually written by neurotypical authors, to a deeper knowledge of what life with Autism is really like. Here are just a few myths that exist around Autism
– Autism has a stereotype .
Forget Rain Man, Sheldon Cooper, the ‘little bit of Autism in everyone’, the little professor or the eccentric, Autism doesn’t create a type. When we look into the Neurodiverse world in Neurotypical ways, we take our preconceived ideas with us which are not always right. Stereotypes exists in both the Neurodiverse and Neurotypical worlds and are not always true.
– Low and High functioning Autism differ
Autism is still Autism regardless of where people are on the spectrum. You can’t be a little bit Autistic anymore than you can be a little bit pregnant. Some may be affected in more than one area of life or to a greater severity but a diagnosis is still a diagnosis. In some instances , those who are seen as being higher functioning have far less support so can struggle more.
– Autism is life limiting
It is more accurate to say that people’s perception of Autism is life limiting. By approaching Autism with fear and judgement, that viewpoint extinguishes the much needed support that people need to reach their full potential. People with Autism can do anything that they wish to just as anyone else can.
– There needs to be a cure for Autism
Autism is Autism is Autism. Autistic individuals do not need to be fixed but maybe the ableist movement does. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with Autistic people it is just wrong that people think there is. Maybe us Neurotypical people see things in a faulty way and Neurodiverse people see it the right way. Who knows?
– Atypical communication comes from a place of lack.
Silence can be golden in the field of communication. Silence can be a person processing and reflecting without the need for giving constant feedback. Just because communication may be different between Neurotypical and Neurodiverse people, it does not make it faulty.
– Independence can be difficult
This may be true for some but not all. Independent can be hard for Neurotypicals as well so is not Autism specific. On the contrary, many Autistic individuals have very good independence skills as they have learnt their own way of being in the world that suits them best.
20 years of living with Jaidan has taught me that anything is possible. As he completes his second year in his Philosophy Degree and prepares to leave in a few months to study abroad for a year in Hong Kong, I feel that nothing anyone ever told me about Autism considered this. Jaidan is his own person who is perfect in every way. I cannot imagine a Neurotypical version of himself as it really wouldn’t work. From being classed as moderately/severely Autistic aged 3 to living independently in university and managing well, I don’t think we should ever predict the capacity and capability of another. Life can be challenging at times but it can be challenging for us all. His Autism can add an extra layer to these challenges but he keeps showing up to cut through them. Jaidan owns his Autism just as he should. It is his alone to make peace with it throughout his life.
Autism is a field that only the experts know about and these experts are the Autistic people themselves. Happy World Autism Awareness Day đ
My mother passed away nearly a month ago and Munch has not been the same since
Just as his picture took pride of place next to her bed, her loving imprints remain treasured in his heart. As he lays on her couch that now lives in our home, he connects to her scent that belonged to her alone. Her beloved soft toys now belong to him as he keeps them close to remind him of the times where death was a concept not yet known.
The atrocity of grief hit him immediately as he lay crying beneath her hospital bed moments after she passed, as he tried to anchor her soul from transcending to a place without pain. His whimpers have only now begun to quieten as he adjusts to life without her beautiful physical form as he enters into the peace in grief.
The whimpers were far from quite at her funeral as he along with loved ones said goodbye to one of his favourite animal whisperers he ever met. His heartbreaking goodbye echoed into the ground as she was lowered to lay in peace knowing now that she now lived elsewhere. This new home will be a place we will visit often and continue to bless with love and eternal gratitude.
The alien concept of apathetic hunger is now leaving and being replaced by his usual ravenous raids on the edible and non edible world as he reminds himself of the food lover he once was. His personalised Bach rescue remedy made by a friend is slowly beginning to make his tail propel as it once did pre-grief. Slowly but surely the peace in his grief is resetting him to learn to live with the loss of a treasured member of his pack.
Grief is more varied than prescriptive, where rules do not exist yet coexist all at the same time. The sacredness of life runs deep across species and is felt in multidimensional ways that we will never truly know. Our grief is a personal experience that will never match another identically but can unity souls that once were estranged.
Resting alongside Munch in the peace in grief has deepened our bond even more as we experience this as one. Dogs grieve not just owners but anyone within their lucky pack that have shared moments in time that just belong to them and nobody else. Peace is a place that can be found anywhere even where you would least expect it. When we learn to rest in Peace in life, we can learn to be at peace with grief.
Going to counselling for the very first time can create a mixture of feelings. From nervousness to relief, most people will feel something about what lies behind the counselling door. Most people however, will not expect to be sniffed and may be a little perplexed when they are met with a friendly dog who has no personal space boundaries and happily sniffs them to analyse their whole entire life.
Munch’s initial sniff of approval will first tell him if of course they are “one of his people”. If said person enters the room with a hint of Suzi the Schnauzer scent on them, he knows they will be best friends forever. Anyone who loves dogs in his eyes, is a trustworthy person. To be fair, he accepts cat people too but may not go and get his toy to offer them a game of fetch as he knows that feline friendliness operates on a totally different level.
A quick sniff of their bag, will determine whether there is a chance they can bond over the love of food. The beauty of working in schools means that lots of young people carry food with them and therefore the cupboard love will begin from the first nostril full of beef crisps. In all honestly, he is a little more partial to the meat eater clients taste palate as he gets far too bored with his maid’s vegan one. Chicken will always be preferred over cucumber. He has tried to convince her to bring a far more exciting lunch to work each day but she stubbornly refuses. Sigh, you just can’t get the staff these days.
The mud lovers in life also come top in his favourite type of people as they are seen as the fun ones who would play with him outdoors. A sniff of a sweaty sports kits tells him that these are good friends to go on free runs with. They may not want to chase squirrels up trees with him but at least they would be more energetic than his maid he is stuck with. Despite the fact they are there for counselling, he will have ideas in his head that they have come to pick him up for a play date.
When tears begin to fall from their eyes, he is the first one there to catch them as they fall. He gives his doggy kisses to shaking hands and a gentle paw in their hand to know they are not alone. He smells unhappiness and won’t leave their side until they want him to as he snuggles in beside them. He sniffs cut knees through their trousers and unless stopped will try to lick them until they heal. He sniffs out emotions along with everything else , to tell him what is really going on with the clients.
He may not be a trained therapy dog but he is therapeutically active in each session. Guide Dogs chose him to become a Guide Dog due to his loving and clever temperament which has in turn given him the opportunity to meet people who need him in their lives. This friendly scruffy face they meet each week, always accepts them and has been there for them since they received his sniff of approval. Luckily they are all pre warned that there is a dog in the room before they come , to give them the option of having a dog free counsellor if they wish.
The sniff test is not part of the assessment for counselling don’t worry. The patient clients who choose to work with an over friendly dog who is best friends with everyone, are so lovely. They allow him to be Munchlike in the room and still accept him just the same. The sniff of approval does go a little unbalanced however when he gets a little over excited and let’s out a rather noxious anal exhale and fills the room with green smog. The clients are so brave to come back into the room a week after such events but they do.
Dogs always know far more about a person upon meeting them then other humans ever will.
âDo you have eyes?â has got to be the best question  that I have ever heard when it comes to asking why I have a Guide Dog. I was asked this amusing question by my son in laws beautiful and sweet niece over the phone. I mean to an inquisitive 4-year-olds brain it totally makes sense to ask this question. She heard her family around her speaking that Munch was my eyes as I could not see, which was a fantastic  child friendly way to explain why people with sight loss need Guide Dogs to help them get around. After answering this sweet girlâs question that yes, I do have eyes, but they did not work very well, I went on to explain that it is a bit like physically having ears but covering them with your hands and not being able to properly hear. Just to ensure that I wasât  telling her lies she asked to video call me and  Munch to firstly see if I had eyes and what Munch looked like which was one of my favourite and funny  video chats ever. The total innocence in such curious minds will always make my heart swell with love.
As the universe was doing well to carrying on this inquisitive streak that week, only four days later I had another encounter with a child who wanted to know what sight loss really meant. Again, his version of what he had heard about sight loss and Guide Dogs was an alternative one which also held a lot of humour. Whilst walking through a corridor, a boy who sounded aged around 11-12 stopped us for a chat. His amusing greeting went a little like this âI feel really sorry for Guide Dogs as you have to help them around the place all of the time.â Now I am the first to admit that I trail behind my Lord and Master Minster Munch, and I am his mere maid but I was struggling to know how this boy knew this. As the conversation progressed it turned out that he was under the impression that âBlind Dogsâ meant that the Guide Dog was blind and that the people walking alongside them (the owners, or staff members in Munchâs case), were guiding them. He was amazed to find out that it was the other way around and that these heroic dogs helped us. His reaction was so heart-warming to witness as he had learnt something new that day.
Sometimes, actions speak louder than words and this is especially true with children. In a counselling session the same week as the other two endearing moments, a young boy acted out his inquiring mind in the room. His interest lay in how blind people could work and get around in life without having adequate sight. My explanation of us using our memory skills and other senses meant nothing to this little scientist so experimenting was the only way. His constant questions of âwhat am I doing now thenâ needed physical actions on his part he felt, so the fun and games began. When I told him he was wearing boots, not shoes as not only could I hear zips on his boots but also, I could hear more material than shoes he was stunned. Unfortunately, I could not tell him the colour, so I lost points on the superpower scale. Being accurate on what side he was leaning towards on a chair was 100% accurate as I told him I could hear the pendant on a chain he was wearing sliding across links, made him up the stakes. He was gutted when his attempt to hold the pendant in place was not enough to throw me off the scent as I continued to say which side he was leaning towards from the creak of the chair. As I passed more tests from him, he finally gave up when I told him that he had just drawn a circle as âit sounded round as he drewâ as his pen never left the page and moved in a smooth sounding way. He was not doing these tests to be disrespectful; he was doing it to see what life was like through my eyes and to also build on the therapeutic relationship.
I love it when people and especially children and young people ask about sight loss as how else are they meant to know what it is like otherwise? I love it when I hear parents explaining to children in supermarkets why I am allowed to take my dog into the shop when they cannot. Children and young people have âplay dohâ like brains that shape and mould to create ideas from the world that they experience to help concrete ideas to form that they will use throughout life. Unless they ask, they shall never know so I hope these questions keep coming our way so that we can be part of their future world. Never be afraid to ask questions that you do not know as these are the questions that many are afraid to ask
I have often wondered how they learn to do it. Turn taking to them seems so natural, with no need to second guess their place in the sequence that runs so smoothly. Is it an innate gift that they are born with or do they have to learn by observing through body language? The invite of a smile or the slight nod of the head must give them the nudge to become the one who now captures the gaze of others. Could it be a metaphorical pass of the baton between the speaker and recipientsâ hand that keeps the spoken marathon alive? It may even be the fraught expression in the eyes of the speaker that alerts the rescuer that they need to take over speaking to help save the awkwardness drowning in silence. Nobody ever tells you how to do it in conversations, turn take that is. They seem to be experts in a field that feels magical to me.
Listening intently for the emotion in the intake of breath, my ears try to decipher if it is inviting me to join in and respond, or are they just taking a breath in silence. Does the break in the conversation mean they are adjusting their body to deliver the punchline that expands on the unsaid? In the fraction of a second that dual loaded noise leaves their lips, my brain leaps into action to decrypt if the noise will lead to laughter or cries. Are they looking towards me for my views about the subject or are they looking into the distance to have time alone with their thoughts? Their eyes must be the lighthouses towards the cues in others, that scans for safety as well as the perils in the dance of the spoken world.
This confusion is always colossal in face-to-face situations, but even more so online where the mute button silences the rare cues that can help. The unhomely Zoom room that help many feel closer, distances many of us that are left guessing on what is connecting the avid participants. Maybe they are seeing something that aligns their minds but remains invisible to ours. The genius invention of connecting multiple people together at the same place and time regardless of where they are in the world can create unity and solitude in the same moment. The âus and themâ may always exist in every part of society regardless of how we try and change this. Diversity should be more about recognition than segregation as we learn to understand from a different perspective.
Being blind does not mean that my sight needs to be fixed, but it does mean that my world view can be changed from learning from the sighted. I will never pretend that I know what facial expressions mean in the context of a conversation as that is something I have never seen but I do know that a sighted person may explain to me something that I have missed. If I jump into a conversation halfway through a pause of someone speaking, I am crossing my fingers that they will understand that I did not know and was not doing it to be rude. When people use visual language in front of me and feel bad when they realize I cannot see, I take that as a complement not an insult as I feel included.
The basics of conversation may not seem like a barrier between the sighted and sight loss community, but it can be greater than you think. The life gains I feel sight loss brings does not extend to every part of life. Hiccups happen and misunderstandings are inevitable when we bring alternative knowledge into a world that we all share. Life would be boring if we all lived alike and never had another viewpoint. Being the blind one in a conversation with a sighted person, enlightens me to see the unseen which holds such beauty.
What does my Five-year old granddaughter love about herself?
âI love my hands as they help give things to people. They can also do sign language to people who cannot hear.
I love my eyes as they can help see things for people who cannot see, just like you Mam.
I love my ears as they can listen out to help people who are deaf.
I love my mouth as I can talk to people who need to chatâ.
I have always known that she was a beautiful soul, but I never realized just how bright her light within was constantly alight until I asked her this simple question. This glimpse into the mind of an innocent five-year-old who has yet to query her worth in life, took me to a place that I wish we could all live. These ideas have not been forced into her mind in any way, they have just emerged from her authentic perception of what it is really like to live in a world with others with needs that are sometimes greater than her own.
She was just nine months old when Munch my adorable Guide Dog came to live with us so she cannot remember a time where Munch was not a permanent fixture by my left-hand side on days out. She has always been my eyes. When I drop something, she picks it up without being asked. She holds things close to my face so that I can get a better view of the blurry object and she mastered using my white cane as soon as she could walk, just because she felt like it. To her sight loss is no big thing, it just is part of her grandmotherâs life.
Munch to her is not a Guide Dog, he is just family. I was told once by her teacher when I picked her up from school, that they had asked that morning what the name of my dog was. She looked puzzled at them and asked what dog ? With Munch weighing six stone and his head measuring thirty-three inches from the floor clad in a bright yellow and white harness, she thought they were talking about some other dog. She told them he was not a dog; he was just Munch.
When children grow up with disabilities and other differences around them, they can only see normality. They accept the whole of a person as they are and know no different. Children who grow up alongside difference see an expanded version of the limited world otherâs live in. They learn that for every problem there are a multitude of different solutions and they learn to love unconditionally and never with condition. They are the teachers that speak with the wisdom that we never thought we would here.
When a five-year old talks of including those in society that are often left feeling excluded, they will never be alone. It is this type of child who accepts without effort or limit and sees beyond barriers that need never exist. Kindness can only come from a place that it organically exists if it is to be omnipresent in every situation in life. When we are choosing to be kind in life, we are choosing to live an enriched path that will never see us alone.
What do I love most about my granddaughter? Her pure existence and everything that it entails.
It’s that time of year again, when our hidden condition gets talked about. February is Marfan Syndrome awareness month which means that people are eager to talk about a syndrome that not even all health professions are clued up about, although this is improving slowly. Each person with Marfan Syndrome is affected differently, ranging from mild to severe and every form inbetween. Diagnosing such a complex syndrome is not the easiest for health professions but since I was diagnosed at 4 , this is just my version of what living with it is like.
Life is never boring with Marfan Syndrome around. I mean, expecting the unexpected in regards to health kind of keeps you on your toes and prevents you from taking life for granted. Being a connective tissue disorder means that most parts of your body are prone to playing up, although it is an unlucky lottery to which ones actually do. In general, Marfan Syndrome can affect the heart, eyes, lungs, skeleton and blood vessels but can affect any of the body’s connective tissue. From affected gums and overcrowded teeth to gastrointestinal issues and persistent fatigue, there is no size fits all diagnosis that applies to all. Personally speaking, Marfan Sydrome only affects my sight (registered blind with only partial sight from birth,) weakness in the lungs and skeletal system the most (scoliosis, multiple dislocations, joint pain, breaks and ligament and soft tissue damage). It could be far worse.
Growing up, I looked the odd one out, being the tallest in the class and being really slim with extra thick glasses. Today, you would find it hard to tell I have Marfan Sydrome being only 5’7″ (pretty short for a Marfan’s person), having a body that is built more for comfort than speed (my thin days are looooong gone) and I no longer wear glasses but my white cane and Munch my attention seeking Guide Dog may give others a hint about my sight. In my family where we have several members with Marfan Syndrome, the odd ones out are the ones without Marfan’s.
For me and many with Marfan’s, pain is a normality and I only acknowledge the pain when I am pain free. Joints often hurt, scoliosis sucks and random injuries like to make an appearance but that is just life. I opt for yoga over pain killers to help relieve pain and laughter over sadness of living with something that can be more than slightly annoying. I often forget I can’t see until I bump into something (a talent of mine) and always remember to thank my body for doing such an amazing job of keeping me alive. Yes living with Marfan’s can be tough but it can also be quite beautiful.
If I had lived elsewhere in the world, I may not have been able to have my 5 operations that I have had due to complications from Marfan Syndrome. If I had not understood the importance of health checks from such a young age, I would never have appreciated the beauty of life. If I had been born with perfect vision, I would never have experienced the perfection in life that runs deeper than surface value and would never have been matched with Munch. If I had grown up thinking that I needed to look like everyone else then I would never have developed an unconditional love for all. If I could go back and chose to be born without Marfan Sydrome, would I? Definately not.
Marfan Syndrome is a life long condition with life long lessons. Knowing the symptoms can help to save a life. Unfortunately, many do not find out that they have it until it is too late. Fatal aortic dissections may be the first and last indicator that someone has Marfan Syndrome. Those of us who are diagnosed with it are blessed to have the medical care to help monitor our health and have medical interventions to help us live out life to the fullest and for that I am eternally grateful.
What has it been like counselling young people during a Pandemic? Pretty s**t to be honest.
The young people themselves have been inspirational to say the least but hearing the impact this pandemic has had on their lives has been soul destroying. If you think we have it hard as adults, you can almost guarantee that there are some aspect of life adaptations that have been twice as hard for young people. Securely formed relationships, experiences of critical thinking , resilience building skills and a lifetime of coping strategies in our toolboxes of life gives us the ability to think outside the box of the global pandemic that we find ourselves in yet, we are still struggling. These character-building qualities that we have gone through as adults are areas that have yet to be gifted upon the young which makes their life that much more difficult.
Adding to that, many have laid blame at the feet of young people through the narrative in the media that they are âsuper spreaders and a breeding ground for the virus’, has not helped protect the mental health of young people at all. From listening to young people speak for the last ten months about how they have felt about being seen like this by many, they are whole heartedly doing everything that can to avoid being the super spreaders that they are called. They want to avoid contact with their vulnerable relatives and do whatever they can to keep their loved ones safe, but this is one thing we rarely hear of in the media where the blame game is very much alive.
Babies born during or just before Lockdown are growing up in a world that is strange to say the least and has the potential to have a negative impact on their development in many ways. Being born into a family with highly anxious parents is less than ideal but is a reality for many babies. Parents losing jobs, financial insecurity, concerns of health risks and deteriorating mental health will undoubtedly have an adverse effect on childrenâs development through no fault of anyone involved. Early year settings have seen an increase in delayed early development milestone such as toilet training and feeding skills such as use of cutlery, due to many childcare facility provisions being restricted and families being overwhelmed with life demands leaving them less time to dedicate to these nurturing skills. Again, nobody is to blame, it is a biproduct of where we all are collectively.
Families that are living in fear and doing their best to protect their loved ones from getting ill or passing anything on, are in turn isolating themselves from the support networks that were once part of their childrenâs everyday life. As the childâs world gets smaller and smaller with schools closing and family gatherings a distant memory, the only place that they can begin to heal is at home unless of course home is not a safe space. With domestic abuse incidents ever increasing and welfare checks from closed schools being ever more difficult, children need support now more than ever.
Being in lockdown has not only held negativity but it has also brought about its bonuses. From learning new skills to working from home in our pyjamas, if we look hard enough, we can find as many positives as negatives. Working with young people is no different and school related issues have become less of an issue for some as young people are forced to work from home. For children suffering issues such as bullying, and social anxiety for example have reported an increase in happiness due to school closures. Children with disabilities who find school unbearable at the best of times, are happier in their own secure surroundings where they are understood and accepted for who they are.
How can we help to enhance the lives of the children and young people in our lives? It may be easier than you think? Spending hundreds of hours listening to what young people really want during a pandemic has taught me a lot about the value of simplicity and acceptance. Treating a young person with equality should not be just an ideal that is hard to put into everyday practice as we navigate our way through parenting a teen, but is a basic human right for them just as it is for us. Intergenerational voices work best when in harmony so what can we do to help? Here are a few tips that can help both you and the young person in your life live a happier life.
1.Allow them the right amount of space
Too much nor too little will work, but somewhere in between is ideal. When a young person who retreats into the safety of their less than hygienic bedroom, they are doing so because they need too. It is nothing personal, but they need space . Laying in their beds for most of the day is just part of the evolving teenage brain so why try and change the inevitable. Us lounging on the sofa after either a hard day at work or a boring day of doing nothing tires us out as it does to them too.
It is also as important to connect to prevent feelings of isolations creeping in so scheduling in suitable time for family activities that you all agree on is important. Rediscover the fun you used to have when the children were younger and get the Play Dough out. Choose something that reminds you all of happier times and decide as a family what the right amount of space works for everyone.
2. Relax the routines.
The brain loves a bit of pattern and predictability but being a slave to tightly scheduled days can be as detrimental as having no routine at all. Routines work best when no changes ever happen in life but if there is one thing that we have all learnt during the pandemic is that change in life is inevitable. Children brought up with an extremely strict daily routine can have their worlds turned upside down when they are forced into a situation they have never been in before. Anxieties, uncertainty, lower adaptive skills, and impaired decision-making skills can all result when things are the opposite of having nothing but structure in a day.
We know that the world of play needs unstructured play along with structured play to allow the imagination to grow and life is no different than that. Questioning whether the family routine suits you alone, as opposed to the needs of the whole family can help. Exposing children and young people to change and decision making is helping them build cooperative skills for the relationship now and in the future.
3. Sleeping patterns are individual.
A new-born baby can sleep an average of 17 hours a day, a 5-year-old up to 10  hours a day and 8-year-old 7 hours a day. When it comes to teenagers just scrap all that. As the teenage brain parties on until 4am and sleeps in until noon at the earliest, we need to make exceptions. They are not purposely annoying you when you can hear them up and about in their bedroom , they are just doing what the brain is meant to do. Asking a 14-year-old to be sleeping by 9pm is like asking you to stay awake until 4am. Unrealistic and never going to happen.
Sleep for most people has changed during the pandemic and many of us have been invited back into the world of the teenage brain as thoughts and worries keep us awake at night. Try and help them develop a good sleep hygiene plan that helps them sleep for a length of time that suits them, not necessarily you. If it does not work, be patient as this stage in their life will not last forever. Giving them a hard time about not being able to sleep will not help but understanding will. If they need a mid afternoon nap so be it.
4. Listen to what they are not saying
If you see a change in your young person, ask them about it and really listen to what they have to say, if they do not want to talk to you, make sure they are talking to someone. Do not be offended if you are not the one that they want to confide in, see it as a compliment. It is so hard to talk openly about emotional issues with those closest to us as we do not want to hurt them. Whether it is a family bereavement or an issue with identity, they sometimes need to speak to someone who is that one step removed from them to be able to open freely without feeling judged or hurting a loved one.
If you notice a change in behaviour such as severe withdraw or being stuck in one emotion (anger, sadness etc) start the conversation. Offer them unconditional love and support and if that fails, research with them to identify a place that they can talk whether it be with another family member or with a counsellor or online charity. Reassuring them that you are there when they need to talk is all that is needed sometimes to help them feel safe to open up
5. Show gratitude more than regret.
You are the best teacher that they will ever meet so use it wisely. If you are always complaining about everything that is wrong in life, they will see a life full of disappointment. If talk about a life full of fear, then you are teaching your child that the world is an unsafe place. You cannot expect your child to find the happiness in life if you have never showed them where to look. When your child catches you smiling at your playful kitten, they will learn to love cats. When you show them that they are loved no matter what, they will learn to love the flaws in others. as much as their strengths.
Explore together situations in life that bring both good and bad reactions. Be grateful that they got the motivation to sign into half their online lessons and not focus on the missed ones. Be thankful that you have had more time together as a family at home and not on an expensive holiday. Thank them for helping in what they do and not highlight everything they do not do around the house. They are doing their best so acknowledge this.
Life will not be like this forever, but it is like this for now so let us learn to embrace more and judge less. The mask you are wearing that shows the world that you are holding everything together , could be the same mask that your child is wearing too so unsubscribe to the masquerade in life and choose a different way to connect with your mini me in life.
Nothing feels the same anymore for anyone. Wishes for a normal Christmas may not be granted in memorable 2020, but many new wishes may well come true.
For us, I am expecting less footsteps to walk through the door as mixing with loved ones is discouraged by those in power. The chaos of the usual Christmas cheer that comes with a large family, may be quieter than any other year. Recycling bags full of wrapping paper may be overfilled on another living room floor from our gifts that get opened elsewhere. The shelves in the fridge may groan with less food as family members eat in their own homes over the festive  period. Christmas Eve may lose its magical powers when no cookies or milk are left out here for Santa, but I am sure he will not starve. These changes may not be ideal, but they also need not be devastating.
We will soon mix again with the army of family that we are  blessed to be born into and seek out a rare spare chair in a room full of people. Four different conversations between loved ones will at some point fill each of the four corners of the room as people catch up with each other. The desire for giving presents may be replaced by the gratitude of the pure presence of loved ones alone. Food will once again taste better when sneakily shared from a friendâs plate when social distancing is a thing of the past. Santaâs best fanâs will at some point leave him goodies in front of equally excited friends and family  just before the little footsteps make their way to bed. The new normal button will be pressed again after this seemingly long pause.
With a new baby Grandson bringing hope and joy back into the family, Christmas is far from spoilt this year. It may be different, but different can be a refreshing place to be in as change is sometimes as good as a rest. As with most, 2020 has made me stop and re-evaluate life from a different  perspective. We can either choose to battle the unfairness, pain, and hurt of this year or we can choose to celebrate what we have been left with. Either way, we are going to create more of what we feel and think about. Admitting to ourselves that our version of life is just one way of seeing things and acknowledging that  there are more positive ways of seeing things can sometimes be the most bitter pill to swallow in life. We are not always right; we are sometimes wrong.
For the first year ever, my four children will not all be here on Christmas Morning. My eldest may be with her partner and  my two beautiful Grandchildren whilst my other daughter will be doing her midwifery duties of  helping to deliver babies on Christmas Day. The house will still be full of my two sonâs mischief and beauty as they play with Munch and Angus the cat, so half of Christmas will remain the same. It may be a different Christmas, but it does not mean it will be a less special one for everyone in different ways.
However, your new version of Christmas goes, I hope you find peace and beauty in places that you may have forgotten existed after living in this year of change. New traditions need to start somewhere.
thesecretblind 