The Spoken Unsaid

Tags

Acceptance, Beauty, Blindness

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I have often wondered how they learn to do it. Turn taking to them seems so natural, with no need to second guess their place in the sequence that runs so smoothly.  Is it an innate gift that they are born with or do they have to learn by observing through body language? The invite of a smile or the slight nod of the head must give them the nudge to become the one who now captures the gaze of others. Could it be a metaphorical pass of the baton between the speaker and recipients’ hand that keeps the spoken marathon alive? It may even be the fraught expression in the eyes of the speaker that alerts the rescuer that they need to take over speaking to help save the awkwardness drowning in silence. Nobody ever tells you how to do it in conversations, turn take that is. They seem to be experts in a field that feels magical to me.

Listening intently for the emotion in the intake of breath, my ears try to decipher if it is inviting me to join in and respond, or are they just taking a breath in silence.  Does the break in the conversation mean they are adjusting their body to deliver the punchline that expands on the unsaid? In the fraction of a second that dual loaded noise leaves their lips, my brain leaps into action to decrypt if the noise will lead to laughter or cries. Are they looking towards  me for my views about the subject or are they looking into the distance to have time alone with their thoughts? Their eyes must be the lighthouses towards the cues in others,  that scans for safety as well as the perils in the dance of the spoken world.

This confusion is always colossal in face-to-face situations, but even more so online where the mute button silences the rare cues that can help. The unhomely Zoom room that help many feel closer, distances many of us that are left guessing on what is connecting the avid participants. Maybe they are seeing something that aligns their minds but remains  invisible to ours. The genius invention of connecting multiple people together at the same place and time regardless of where they are in the world can create unity and solitude in the same moment.   The ‘us and them’ may always exist in every part of society regardless of how we try and change this. Diversity should be more about recognition than segregation as we learn to understand from a different perspective.

Being blind does not mean that my sight needs to be fixed, but it does mean that my world view can be changed from learning from the sighted. I will never pretend that I know what facial expressions mean in the context of a conversation as that is something I have never seen but I do know that a sighted person may explain to me something that I have missed. If I jump into a conversation halfway through a pause of  someone speaking, I am crossing my fingers that they will understand that I did not know and was not doing it to be rude.  When people use visual language in front of me and feel bad when they realize I cannot see, I take that as a complement not an insult as I feel included.

The basics of conversation may not seem like a barrier between the sighted and sight loss community, but it can be greater than you think. The life gains I feel sight loss brings does not extend to every part of life. Hiccups happen and misunderstandings are inevitable when we bring alternative knowledge into a world that we all share. Life would be boring if we all lived alike and never had another viewpoint. Being the blind one in a conversation with a sighted person, enlightens me to see the unseen which holds such beauty.

Mother’s Day Gratitude

Tags

Beauty, Blessings, Celebration, Family, Mother Love, Mother's Day

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Mothers create more than just a physical child. When a mother gives birth, she gifts the world with another piece of love that will fill the hearts of others as much as her own. She will nurture a fully functioning being that will in turn nurture other living beings. She births the professional that may go on to save your life and the lives of many others. Clearing the path for her child to freely explore the world to become the person that they really want to be, shows that a mother is happy to be led by their teacher.

The beauty of a mother is that on the surface no two will ever appear the same. The helicopter mother who wants to protect their child is no more of a mother than the permissive mother who allows their child to learn from their mistakes. The perfectionist mother is no happier than the go with the flow mother who gets it done in the end. High achieving mothers may have different goals that the mediating mother has, but both achieve in their own way. There is no perfect way to mother, there is just your way.

Whether babies are human or of the furry kind, adopted or metaphorical,  they will always remain a baby in the eyes of a mother. That empty nest syndrome that drains the hearts of mothers worldwide is the universal mother language of a living loss that takes time to adjust to. Where once she wished for peace and quiet, she now craves the chaos that once was in the home they built together. As the curl from the first haircut lays safe in the draw, their grandchild sits in the hairdressing seat awaiting the same to happen to their own curls.

The one thing, that we all have in common is that we would not be here had it not been for our mothers. However, you celebrate this Mother’s Day may it be full of love, appreciation and forever memories. Happy Mother’s Day to all the miracle makers that have created us as there would be no world without them.

Marfan Syndrome Awareness Month

Tags

Acceptance, Beauty, Blessed, Marfan Syndrome

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It’s that time of year again, when our hidden condition gets talked about. February is Marfan Syndrome awareness month which means that people are eager to talk about a syndrome that not even all health professions are clued up about, although this is improving slowly. Each person with Marfan Syndrome is affected differently, ranging from mild to severe and every form inbetween. Diagnosing such a complex syndrome is not the easiest for health professions but since I was diagnosed at 4 , this is just my version of what living with it is like.

Life is never boring with Marfan Syndrome around. I mean, expecting the unexpected in regards to health kind of keeps you on your toes and prevents you from taking life for granted. Being a connective tissue disorder means that most parts of your body are prone to playing up, although it is an unlucky lottery to which ones actually do. In general, Marfan Syndrome can affect the heart, eyes, lungs, skeleton and blood vessels but can affect any of the body’s connective tissue. From affected gums and overcrowded teeth to gastrointestinal issues and persistent fatigue, there is no size fits all diagnosis that applies to all. Personally speaking, Marfan Sydrome only affects my sight (registered blind with only partial sight from birth,) weakness in the lungs and skeletal system the most (scoliosis, multiple dislocations, joint pain, breaks and ligament and soft tissue damage). It could be far worse.

Growing up, I looked the odd one out, being the tallest in the class and being really slim with extra thick glasses. Today, you would find it hard to tell I have Marfan Sydrome being only 5’7″ (pretty short for a Marfan’s person), having a body that is built more for comfort than speed (my thin days are looooong gone) and I no longer wear glasses but my white cane and Munch my attention seeking Guide Dog may give others a hint about my sight. In my family where we have several members with Marfan Syndrome, the odd ones out are the ones without Marfan’s.

For me and many with Marfan’s, pain is a normality and I only acknowledge the pain when I am pain free. Joints often hurt, scoliosis sucks and random injuries like to make an appearance but that is just life. I opt for yoga over pain killers to help relieve pain and laughter over sadness of living with something that can be more than slightly annoying. I often forget I can’t see until I bump into something (a talent of mine) and always remember to thank my body for doing such an amazing job of keeping me alive. Yes living with Marfan’s can be tough but it can also be quite beautiful.

If I had lived elsewhere in the world, I may not have been able to have my 5 operations that I have had due to complications from Marfan Syndrome. If I had not understood the importance of health checks from such a young age, I would never have appreciated the beauty of life. If I had been born with perfect vision, I would never have experienced the perfection in life that runs deeper than surface value and would never have been matched with Munch. If I had grown up thinking that I needed to look like everyone else then I would never have developed an unconditional love for all. If I could go back and chose to be born without Marfan Sydrome, would I? Definately not.

Marfan Syndrome is a life long condition with life long lessons. Knowing the symptoms can help to save a life. Unfortunately, many do not find out that they have it until it is too late. Fatal aortic dissections may be the first and last indicator that someone has Marfan Syndrome. Those of us who are diagnosed with it are blessed to have the medical care to help monitor our health and have medical interventions to help us live out life to the fullest and for that I am eternally grateful.

The Show Must Go On

Tags

Beauty, Books, Guide Dogs, Labradoodle, Thanks, Unconditional Love

Being in the company of a sighted person can sometimes feel like I am in the company of a Superhero. They see things that I can only imagine exists, the describe things that are so vivid that it makes my eyes see what they are talking about, and they turn the blurry hazy world into a world of sharp clarity. On this day it was the eager eye of a teenage client that spotted that there was an intruder on Munch’s paw that nobody had noticed up until that point.

Mid-session, she noticed from over ten feet away that he had a lump on the top of his paw. This was a miracle to me as how anyone can see in that detail astonishes me and I was grateful that she picked it up. A thank you did not seem much to say for noticing something that I had failed to do. If it was on his body, I would have picked it up when he had his morning massage (as he obviously needs bless him) but failing to notice this lump on his paw left me feeling guilty. On a positive note it had been found and it reminded me that maybe I needed to include his paws in his daily massage too, so a win-win situation came out of it. A swift phone call to the vet later and we were booked in for later that day for a quick check up. A quick check up of the paw later and it was decided that he may have to have it removed depending on what The Guide Dogs charity decided as although he is whole heartedly a member of the family he still belongs to the charity. We heard three days later that he had the go ahead for the operation to remove the cyst and for investigation to see what this intruder thought it was doing on his paw.

His operation went well and a week later we found out that all was well, and it was just from an exotic sounding infected in-growing hair. The vet who had been practicing for several years had never heard of it before Munch trotted into her office but that day, she had learnt something new thanks to high maintenance Munch. After the operation, for ten days, we tried to rest him as much as possible so that his stiches wouldn’t burst, or an infection wouldn’t set in due to his licking as he wanted to heal it naturally. A cone of shame was giving to us by the vet, but it felt so cruel to put it on him as he kept walking into everything like a drunk dog. With his uncoordinated mobility we just had to keep him under constant supervision not to lick his wound, so I was ever vigilant in the hearing department whilst the sighted in my life were on look-out duty. It also meant that he had a blissful few days off work and I downgraded to my long cane to get around (which was a little less cute to look at).

We were due to be on Radio 4 Saturday Live the day that his stiches were being taken out but due to an infection that he picked up a few days earlier, we were unsure if he would be able to travel to London with me for the show. I prayed to the angels. The universe and any other source that would listen to me that the star of the show would make it with me as his appointment was only an hour and a half before the train was due. The angels, universe and other beauties in the world delivered the best news ever and he was fine to come with me to make his third radio appearance to promote his (sorry our) book What You See When You Can’t See. A two hour and forty-minute train journey later and we were in London ready to appear the following morning on the show with some amazing guests alongside his Lordship.

If it hadn’t been for the sweet client who told me that he had a lump on his paw as she knew I would not have been able to see it, he would not have had it removed and I will always be eternally grateful to her and all of the other sighted people that help us in the world. If it hadn’t been for my loving beautiful daughter Korisha coming to London with us, I would not have been able to appear on such a great show. If it hadn’t been for so many sighted people asking what it was I could see then I wouldn’t have written the book that gives one account of what sight loss is like. Thank you to the sighted world that make the sight loss world easier to live in, you truly are my Superheroes.

Your Perfect Blurry Face

Tags

Appearance, Beauty, Comfort, Sight Loss, Unconditional Love

As the mascara glides across the lower previously untouched lashes, the newness feels strange. Is it meant to feel like this? The fresh air that has always brushed alongside the pores on the skin is now being kept away by the foundation that is there to “enhance the look”. Lips that have never been dressed are now showing off the latest in lip fashion that catches the eyes of onlookers. Transforming from a make-up free face that has been this way for over four decades, to a face that looks like it belongs to someone else brings about a cocktail of emotions that is strange to say the least.

Mud pies, Halloween face paint, camouflage and masks have all felt temporarily at home on a face that is comfortable in its own skin. Make-up however does not. When you have never seen a face in real life, you cannot tell what natural beauty is, and what is “enhanced to bring out your natural features” by using make-up. The blurry faces that I have never been able to see clearly I am sure look best as naked as the were born to look, but many would not agree. I hear make-up gives people confidence to feel like they can face the world and show their beauty off which must be lovely for them, but I don’t think I will ever feel this way.

Being blind does not stop you wearing make-up and there are many talented people with sight loss that are so beautifully creative with their make-up. I don’t think however I will ever be one of them. Being asked to wear make-up for a media photoshoot took me totally out of my comfort zone and let me dip my toe into a world that masses live in daily, where hours are spent applying all types of enhancers to their already perfect face. My inner rebel really wanted to protest but I did it and it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It helped that the make-up and hair artist was such a beautiful and interesting person that I could have listened to all day and I learnt so much from the wisdom that she spoke of.

Leaving the make- up on for a couple of hours after the make – up artist and photographer left was a lesson I was trying to learn on patience as I stayed with the uncomfortable feeling of the intruder on my face. My family loved the “new me” and my adorable granddaughter said a few times how beautiful I looked but deep down I felt the opposite. Whereas many people love to look glamourous after magic is worked by such talented make-up artists, I never really hear about the other lot of people who feel the exact opposite. Social media is not full of these people who love the more natural look that I can relate so well with.

The beauty in this world is that we are all different and nobody is right or wrong, they are just themselves. Make-up may not be my thing, but I get how it can make people feel more beautiful to the outside world and we are both right. As I touch my make-up free face, I feel blessed that my sight loss allows me to see the insight into every person’s beauty that lays beyond what the eyes can see. To me, you are pure beauty regardless if you have a muddy face, exquisite make-up on or are as natural as the day you were born. Keep shining your beauty in your own unique way.

When Two Become One

Tags

Animals, Beauty, Dog, Guide Dog, Labradoodle, Oneness, Thanks, Unity

When a guide dog meets his/her new working partner, neither of their lives will ever be the same again.

After months of training to become super intelligent guide dogs that will give their time and love unconditionally to their new partners, they begin to weave their magic into the life of their new best friend. The blessed person with sight loss who has been awaiting this guide dog gift day for a long time can begin to attempt to return to some normality of life safe in the knowledge that they have a furry friend helping them. It will be the mix of both of their energies that will create a foundation for the most life changing bond that they will ever experience.

Matching guide dog to partner goes way beyond pairing up the first dog that is available. The needs of the guide dog partner are known and is key in choosing which dog will be suitable. Some matches will not work out and the partnership may be brief, whereas others will last for over 8 years and will create a bond that will never be forgotten. The guide dog will become part of the family, part of the community and most importantly part of the person that walks along their righthand side throughout life.

Guide dogs are far from over worked robots who do nothing but serve the person in their life. They are far more than a pet and far less than a slave. They go places that many animals never get to experience, and they get admired by the onlookers who see their beauty and their worth. They get to put smiles on the faces of people who live in loneliness and feel the love from strangers that surrounds them when they cross their paths. The extended family that the guide dog comes from with the old puppy walkers, trainers and guide dog staff have all had an essential role in helping the dog reach their full potential.

Since Munch came into my life the “I” has ceased and the “we” has begun. His needs are always top priority (along with the children) when I wake in the morning. Creating a happy life for him is key in us being able to work as a partnership throughout our life together. People always see us as a package now and where they see one of us, they expect to see the other. He plays more than he works, and he is pampered and never struggles. My love for him grows each day, and the mischievous imperfections that make him who he is, I hope will keep evolving.

The universe was in cahoots with our souls when it matched us together and for that I will be ever grateful. Being known as the one with “the unusual guide dog”, always makes me smile and my heart fills with joy. Becoming one with this drama loving, chilled out mischief maker means that I get to witness things that I never would have without him. I really hope that you get to become one with a furry or non-furry being in life and appreciate their quirky ways. Merged lives can expand the solitary life that will soon become a distant memory when we trust the oneness of all living beings.

Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? .. . No It’s A Guide Dog

Tags

Alternative, Animals, Beauty, Dog, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Photography

Here in his natural habitat, lives the wildest of the species. Wild yet placid, he adapts to his surroundings without a blink of the eye. With no predators around to stop his decent on the vast open space around him, he leaps into action. The evolution of this species began around 45 million years ago and is rarely seen today. Many would say that they have become extinct but as you can see from this nature snap, they are alive and kicking with passion.

Amphicyonidaes (bear-dogs to the amateurs among us) as evolution progressed had dog like proportions but a heavier bear like build as can be seen in the above image. With the ideal mix of spirit and strength, this particular amphicyoidae has survived the Welsh climate despite leaving behind his ancestors around 2 million years ago. Current DNA from this solitary survivor shows that he has survived due to the fact that …. hang on…. wait…. Okay, scrap all that, it seems like it is not actually an evolutionary miracle, but it is in fact …. A dog. Hmmmmm.

How I would love to tell people that he is something as rare as an amphicyonidae , but I will just have to stick to the truth. There is something about being constantly questioned not only what breed of dog he is but also what type of working dog he is that really wants me to spin a little bit of a yarn. The disbelief that some people have in hearing he is a Labradoodle and not an Irish Wolfhound or other breed just makes me want to make the truth a little more fun and far-fetched. The “I didn’t know that Guide Dogs use these types of dogs” brigade I am sure would appreciate a little chuckle instead of the seemingly mundane “yes they do now” response.

The latest query about Munch’s authenticity as a guide dog came from a friendly inquisitive man whilst I was out walking. Stating “I was wondering what type of animal that was when I saw you from further back. He looked more bear than dog” this sweet man chuckled. Asking if he was a trainee sniffer dog, I softly shattered that illusion for him as I told him the only thing he would be good at is sniffing out food and the local lamp posts for the doggy newspaper version of what is going on around the area. “Well, you have shocked me now. Not only is he a guide dog but the strangest looking Labradoodle I have seen” He shouted over his shoulder as he bid us farewell.

The “Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s guide dog” affect is still well and truly alive in our surroundings. I am just trying to think of some witty come backs that I can offer the ones who are confused by Munch’s heritage. If you have any, please let me know as I think it is only fair that we start a local rumour that there is a rare species roaming around the streets just to keep the mystery surrounding him going.

Choose To Live Your Life

Tags

Alternative, Beauty, Choice, Life lessons, Peace, Thanks, Wishes

From seed to bloom, flowers reach their full potential when they are supported in the right environment. Growing into the beautiful best versions of themselves comes from allowing nature to take its course, and not allowing resistance to get in the way. When life is supported to create true beauty, it can mesmerize even the saddest of souls.

The short lifespan of the dragonfly does not dictate the happiness of its life. With over 5,000 species of dragonflies that have evolved over 300 million years, they continue to exist in a world that they only live in for a limited time. Symbolically, seeing a dragonfly is meant to show us transformation and the true meaning of the human life when it is likely that they are coming to the end of theirs.

As humans we have choice over how we live our lives even when we don’t feel that we do. Given the right conditions allows our true potential to be reached. Even in less than ideal conditions growth can happen if the drive to do so is present. Lifespans vary among us, but we always have a choice of what we do in our personalised lifespan. When dreams are reached from putting plans into action, your life can be full of nothing but achievements.

We are born on only one day and we will die one day but the average 28.000 days that many will spend on this earth is where true life begins and ends. When we fall in love with our own lives each day that we are blessed enough to wake up in, we begin to appreciate the miracle that we are living in. Making the most of the thousands of new days that we are blessed with helps us to realize just how big our world is.

Thanking each day that we are blessed with brings us closer to our true meaning of life that is unique to us. The life that we are living today reflects how much effort we have put into our lives so far. The beauty of human existence is that we always can create a new reality for ourselves if we wish to do so. Is the life that you are living today, the live that you truly want to live? If it is not, will tomorrow be the start of your new life?

When you choose to live and not just exist, you choose to live the life that you were born to lead.

Mothers Day Thanks

Tags

Beauty, Mother Love, Motherls Day, Sharing, Thanks, Unconditional Love, Wishes

To all the mothers who have birthed perfection, thank you for gifting the world true beauty that radiates from the inside out. Your perfect creation is exactly what the world needs to help others see how one person can change the lives of many. Implanting your inner beauty into the soul of your child is a gift that will always keep on giving.

To all the mothers who have nurtured those who they have not birthed, thank you for stepping in as a leading light. Selflessly giving to a soul in need helps in ways that you may never get to know about but will always be present. Maternal love does not have to lie in matched DNA but will always lie in matched hearts.

To all the mothers who have babies with four paws and fur or two feet and feathers, thank you for being the connection between the human and animal world. The unconditional love that is shared between you should be bottled and distributed for love starved situations. Children come in all versions and hairiness, but unconditional love only comes in the one form that you are.

To all the mothers who feel like they are failing at motherhood, thank you for keeping going. Your child will not remember your messy hair, piles of ironing or tired body but they will remember the comfort in your arms. You are the anchor that your child needs in choppy times so knowing that you are their stability can help them keep afloat with the lifeline of love that you give them.

To all the mothers who have children with additional needs, thank you for being their voice. When some may see additional needs, you see additional opportunities to help them live their life to the maximum. Fighting for equality and compassion is the super power that you have discovered since you met the centre of your world so embrace this super power with pride.

To all the mothers to be, enjoy the wait for your beautiful child, your pregnancy is unique to you alone and never let another taint your version of bliss. As soon as your baby will be birthed out of the security of your womb and into the big wide world, smile in the knowledge that you are giving your child the best start in life. Beginnings are the scaffolding of life.

To all the mothers that have lost their child, please take care of your broken heart. When your angel left your life, they remain forever yours. Time may never heal the void in your heart but may act as a marker of everlasting love. The glow in your heart when your angels name is spoken will always stay ignited and will never be dimmed.

To all the mothers that never were, thank you for wanting to be. The physical form of your child may never have appeared but in your mind, they were always there. The love that you have showered upon children you have nurtured, sponsored and been present for will always be remembered. Your beautiful mothering nature always let the child know that mothers don’t have to be biological.

To all the mothers that come in different forms, thank you for being you.

Swan Lake

Tags

Animals, Beauty, Dog, Guide Dog, Labradoodle, Swan, Unconditional Love

“I demand you get back in here NOW”.

How dare he come into my lake (okay my pond but my home so I will call it what I want) and leave without permission. Does he not realize how magnificent Swans such as I are, and that we decide who we welcome or reject in our home? I knew straight away that he was one that could be easily manipulated. He was as threatening as a leaf as he gently tip toed into my territory. I could sense straight away that he wasn’t one of those small yappy dogs that wanted to fight everything including its shadow. He was a big softy.

Led by his mischief, he come close enough to say hello but far enough away not to get pecked. I am glad he knew the rules that he must abide by with me from the word go. Having a quick gander around I could see most of the other swans and ducks were elsewhere so I thought I may as well have some entertainment with my new hairy friend.

As the featherless and relatively hairless two legged being that was with this dog chatted away to others of the similar species, I heard him say that the dog was not his, but he was a friend of the owners. How ridiculous the two-legged species can be believing that they own a dog. Try owning a swan and see how far they get.

Apparently, my new play mate was called Munch. I instructed Munch that we would be playing chase around the pond and he seemed fine with it. Obviously, I was the leader and he trailed behind me like an after-thought. Okay well, he was quite a cute after thought but I didn’t want to tell him that and inflate his ego as I didn’t want him thinking he was equal to a swan. Gliding off gracefully in my regular haunt, I could hear him panting heavily behind me as he doggy paddled at speed to keep up. It was so much fun circling back around him and chasing him back.

The laughter I heard coming from the banks from the two-legged kind made us put on more of a show. Is it that bizarre for a swan and a dog to be play mates? I heard the man that Munch was with saying that he had taken pictures to show his owner (pfft, Munch told me he calls her his maid). My heart sank a little when I saw him heading for the bank for the last time. He woofed that he will be back soon for another play date. He seems to respect my pond (which I told him was really the best lake in the world and he believed me), so he is welcome to come back for a game of chase whenever he wants.

Until we meet again Munch, keep being the gentle soul that you are.