The Last Laugh

Tags

Book Deal, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Photography

My maid is so easy to train, it’s laughable.

Here we are AGAIN on another photoshoot for a magazine article and she is expecting me to do as I am told. I have been in her life for over two and a half years now and she thinks that I obey her commands. Fair enough, when I am representing guide dogs with my harness on and we are out walking I will do my bit and act like the angelic guide dog that I am. As soon as my harness slips off however, I will return to my strong-willed authentic self. I will only act in ways that I find satisfying to my soul whilst off duty and I have certain conditions that I require to be met. This is especially true when I am asked to pose for photos and the staff don’t get it right first time around. Here are my requests for this photoshoot which I find totally reasonable. What do you think?

– I demand a long run around before the photoshoot to let my hair down. The cheeky maid says it helps relieve some of the mischief, but I just need her to run around after me to let her know that she will always be trailing after her real owner.
– I will only come back on my lead when I am ready and not when she is ready for me. Best thing come to those who wait so I am doing her a favour by making her wait so that she gets the best of me.
– I will send chills of panic down the spine of the maid and the photographer as I flirt with the idea of jumping in the river so that they will only be able to get the soggy doggy look and not the perfect picture that they are after. It was so funny to hear the sheer panic in their voices when they saw me dipping my paws in the river. I am all heart though as I only had a quick paddle before returning to the less hairy two-legged race.
– I work on treats alone. Mere compliments of me being such a good boy falls on deaf ears as I know I am good, so hand the treats over otherwise I will not be so good. I have the training down to a tee so that I will stay put for one treat and then move around for another one so that I am able to get multiple treats in a short space of time whilst the photographer shifts at lightning speed to get the perfect shot.
– I demand that I am always centre stage and if the maid must be in it, I will ensure that I will always look better than her.
– I require that I have ALL the “what a beautiful photo” comments directed at me if the maid is in shot as I am the one that gives the photo the wow factor.
– I will always work to bribes. At the end of each shoot I will require being pandered too and maybe taken for another walk, a play with a ball, have masses of fuss and an extra special treat of the humans forbidden food. If not, I will refuse to partake in another photoshoot ever again.

I must give the maid and photographer credit this time that they did adhere to my demands so it is likely that if I can fit them in for some more in the future if I fancy it.
The most rewarding photo that was taken today however was this last shot that the photographer captured. Just minutes earlier the maid had been lying down by the side of me for a photo of us both and she was not being professional as I and was taking her time to get it right. I thought enough was enough and I let out a few somewhat aromatic anal exhales that I had been keeping in for this perfect moment. She soon hurried up and got the poses right so that she could escape out of shot for some fresh air away from my exploding derriere.

I love having the last laugh.

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Are You Talking About Me?

Tags

Book Deal, Guide Dog, Humour, Interviews, Labradoodle, Media

She is at it again. Speaking on my behalf. I am Munch and I am the real owner and should be listened to, not the maid. She may have physically written the book, but it is I who is the inspiration to write the book and its my telepathic abilities that got her to type out my thoughts. Does nobody see this?

I have had interest about the book and interviews coming out of my floppy ears recently and don’t get me started on photos that everyone wants. Being such a handsome Labradoodle is no doddle, it takes a lot of effort to look this good, but I must keep my fans happy, so I am willing to look as gorgeous as possible especially when the media are around.

Last week the maid was interviewed about how I had changed her life and brought spiritual meaning to her by Spirit & Destiny magazine which will be out in January of next year. She did big me up in that interview which I was pleased about and we have just been for some photos to send off to the magazine which shows all my good sides.

Earlier on this week, I had a journalist travel seven hours on trains to come to interview me, but I let the maid do the talking as I casually snoozed curled up on the sofa next to her acting my usual angelic self. The journalist had read my book and the things that the maid had written about my mischievous self were obviously hard for her to believe as I behaved impeccably in front of her. I have a photoshoot with the rest of the staff (or the maid and the rest of the family as they like to be addressed) later this week to accompany this article that will appear in a few weeks in the Femmail section of The Mail.
I have another radio interview scheduled with Hay House Radio the day before my book in released so as you can see. I have been a very busy dog.

Unfortunately, I must rely on the hired help to speak on my behalf and she sometimes tells of funny stories I would rather we forget about. I am using my innocent eyes to try and tell people of my perfection and to ignore the true stories that the maid is saying and try and convince them she is exaggerating but shhhh please don’t tell anyone of my pleading eyes tricks. I will also be acting like the well-trained dog that I am meant to be in front of people which may be difficult to keep this act up for a long time, but I will try my best. I am even planning on listening to what is asked of me and obeying it in front of these important people, but I am not sure if this is a step too far for my innate stubborn self.

My plan is to ensure that everyone will believe that I am as innocent as my face looks, do you think it will work? I have five weeks before the book is out so I will try not to “accidentally borrow” another tennis ball from a shop, do any more dodgy doggy cuddles between strangers legs or be a panini thief in the run up to it to avoid bad press. I solemnly swear to allow Angus to eat some of his cat food and not take it all, keep the eye rolls to a minimum and not run off with another dogs ball for at least another five weeks to ensure that I will only been seen in a good light. Who knows maybe I will decide to write my own book about the maid then to tell of all her naughty ways which would be a good read I promise.

I am just off to perfect my look of innocence. What ever other people say about you just remember your inner angel and let it shine out for all to see.

A Writer’s Flow

Tags

Blogging, Book Deal, Humour, Iamwriting, Motivation, Writing

I am not sure which is worse. Writer’s diarrhoea or writer’s block?

As you may have noticed from any previous posts of mine that you have read, I cannot stop waffling on as my firework mind shoots its contents onto the page. I have always admired the talented writers that keep their focus on one subject and allows a gentle trickle from one point to another to offer the smoothest delivery to the reader. As words offer a tempting bridge between the reader and the writer, it seems impossible to do anything but to merge into the flow of words. These are the ones that I imagine really have their s**t together.

The bunged-up writer who struggles with writing blocks are the ones I really feel for. It must be so hard keeping genius pieces of writing in the creative headspace that they were organically formed in and not know how to create the written mark on paper that will mesmerise the masses for eternity. A writer’s block seems so cruel. I belong to the group of writers’ that do not flow steadily or get blocked but the ones that gush like a waterfall which isn’t always a pretty sight.

Writer’s diarrhoea is a thing that I don’t think any prescription can cure. If you are a divergent thinker like me, you know what it is like to go from a to b via x, y, z, around the planet, break the sound barrier and return to your destination via teleportation. Sound familiar? Join the club. In this writer’s runs club, it tends to get a little messy if you loose focus on your original point but if you leave any of your gazillion thoughts out for the reader to try and figure out, it feels like you are letting the whole story down. If you suffer from this leaky ailment try and surround yourself by people who can help mop up.

My angelic mopper upper came into my life in the form of my editor for my book that is due to be released in September. This pillar of sensibility has not only reined in my partying mind, but this genius has been able to make sense of my rambling words and made them flow like a proper writer. What a true miracle worker. The final edit is almost complete thanks to her patience, knowledge and Midas touch and I sit back feeling truly blessed.

Having a touch of writer’s runs means that you cannot easily cut off, so you have a surplus of ideas that need to be channelled somewhere. My ‘somewhere’ just happens to be into another book that I have just finished writing. I didn’t really mean for it to turn into another book, it just kind of happened. From nearly 60,000 words which flowed out over the last three months, I have a fully formed manuscript that I need to tackle the basic edit of which should be fun as I can’t even remember everything I have written.

Whatever group of writers that you belong to, the result is always the same. Our own unique relationship with our work comes out whenever it is ready, and the flow is perfect for us. Nobody’s way of writing is better than another way, it is just our way. If you get there in the end, you are a success.
Keep writing your own way.

The Power Of Books

Tags

Author, Book Deal, Book Review, Kindness, Motivation, Writing

There are some people who you can sit and listen to for hours on end and still crave more. Dr David Hamilton is one of these people. It was my third time at one of his talks but Munch’s first and I think it is safe to say he enjoyed as much as the rest of us, His enjoyment was enhanced even more by the fuss and attention that he got from a lot of the audience members and the author himself. Subtlety has never been his strong point.

If you have never read one of David Hamilton’s books, let me assure you they are well worth a read. One of my favourite books by him is The Five Side Effects Of Kindness. This is an audiobook that I love to dip into for a feel-good factor. The book focusses on the health benefits of kindness from lowered blood pressure to slowing down the ageing process by reducing wrinkles. The former chemist really knows his stuff and presents research findings on the subject in an easily understandable format.

His other books include How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body, I Love Me, Why Kindness Is Good for You and The Contagious Power of Thinking to name but a few. All these books that I have binge listened to help to understand the correlation between the mind body relationship and owning our own choice of behaviours. To me, such books are music to my ears as they speak of concepts that I have always been aware of even from a young age. The coming home feeling that these books give always excites me.

The books we seek to read and the films that we choose to watch, are reflections of parts of us that will always wants company. We are what we read, write, watch and listen to, so making good choices in these is key to a happy life. Feel good influences will always be more beneficial than seeking out the doom and gloom in life. I don’t think anyone in history has ever complained that their life is too happy, as they have chosen to make it so by surrounding themselves with inspiration.

Munch may be seeing more of David Hamilton in the future as our book that is out next year is being published by Hay House which is the same publishing company as his. Becoming part of such a positively influential company feels such a privilege. It is weird to think that from next year onwards Munch may be at his own book events and taking centre stage. I cannot wait to see who we will meet along the way.

Things Happen For A Reason

Tags

Animal, Blind, Book Deal, Dog, Happiness, Hay House, Inspire, Love, Meaning of lIfe, Motivation, Positivity, Things Happen For A Reason, Writing

Giving thanks to failures and challenges in my life has never been as powerful as it is today Kissing the closed doors that have shut in my face and celebrating all my body parts that don’t function as well as a ‘healthy’ body, I can’t wait for magical days ahead of me that are waiting to be lived. If I was given the opportunity to have born with perfect sight, I would have turned it down. These things have all happened for a reason.

If my sight had not gone from bad to laughable, I would not have met my furry soul mate Munch and we would not have been about to embark on a very exciting time together. If he wasn’t born with not only the ideal temperament of an amazing Guide Dog but also the personality of a star, I would not have started this blog. A personality such as his needs to be shared to show that dogs are not just possessions that owners keep but equal beings that enhance life of the less hairy friends they end up living with.

The love of reading books was challenged many years ago when I stopped being able to read them. Isn’t the only option left then in such a situation, to write them instead to keep this love affair alive? It is this love of the written word that I have never seen clearly, that motivated me to attend a writer’s workshop 6 months ago. As Munch got lots of new beautiful admirers, I got lots of new ideas. A competition to win a book deal with one of the world’s leading publishers was offered to one lucky winner. As I scribbled down words that I could not see to look like I fitted in, I felt like an imposter in a room full of professionals.

Never one to pass up a challenge, I thought I may as well submit something and worked on a proposal for 3 months only to change my mind on the subject. As Munch lay his head on my lap during a meditation one night I knew that the book should be about him and his beauty. Relying on narration on the laptop to write the blurry words, we didn’t have long to chuck something together and make it look something like a few chapters.

Without all of things happening for a reason, we would not be about to start a whole new way of life. As the voice of an angel phoned me the day before the official date of the winner being announced to tell us we had won the competition, I thanked the universe for giving me a life full of luck. Three days on, I am still checking the video of the announcement on the official Hay House page to check that this is not just a long day dream. Why would they have picked this book proposal out of so many talented writers with books that people need to read.

Over the last 17 years, I have become a Hay House groupie. I have many of their books that I cannot read but bought to pass on to others who need them. Oracle cards line the shelves in my bedroom and I have their logo on Vision boards of things that make me happy. I have been to many of their workshops and seminars because they have people who you cannot help but love. These true earth angels spread messages that gives people hope and motivation to change the way people think and live. They are here for a reason.

I believe the reason that I was born with a connective tissue disorder was to be able to feel whole even in an imperfect body. The reason that I was partially sighted form birth was that it allowed me to see the world in a different way than many. The reason that Munch came into my life was to teach me it was now okay to tell the world that I could not see after pretending I could for the last 38 years of my life. The reason that all these things happened was to be able to have a story to write that helps people see the beauty in difference.

Things happen for a reason that we may not realize. When we think we are suffering, we are making room for better things. When we suffer physical pain, we are reminded of how precious health is. When we lose the ability to do something, we gain the ability to live life in a whole different way. When we think we are not good enough at something in life we are admiring the perfection in another person that exists within us that we need to wake up.

As Munch and I enter a dreamlike reality, we really hope that you find yours too and are just as ecstatic as we are with your new lives. I feel so blessed that such an amazing publisher is interested in my writing that has been inspired by Munch and countless other two-legged beings. Keep focussed on your dreams. Miracles really do happen.