The Deception Of Looks

Tags

Acceptance, Acts of Kindness, Animal and children, Appearance, Blessings, Blind, Childrens Acceptance, Diversity, Earth Angels, Gratitude, Hidden Disability

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I know what you are thinking. It is a Yeti croissant but no, you would be wrong!

That is the thing with assuming with our eyes, we never really get it right no matter how hard we try. We can never utterly understand what our eyes are tricking us into believing, as we only really see one perspective of an object that fits in with our world belief. Being led around by my hairy soul mate Munch lets people think that he is working for me, whereas anyone who knows him will know that I really work for him. Leading me to a place we need to go, results in a treat or two being eagerly hoovered up and me giving him at least a ten-minute worshipping ritual, telling him how he is the best living being ever in the world. We have found our power balance in our relationship and let us just say it is far from equal. Anyone with a Labradoodle knows that the power always lays with them and never with us.

The deception of looks alone has led us to many a faux pas in our four years together. From being mistaken as  Munch’s trainer as I “didn’t look blind enough to have a Guide Dog” (???) to being asked where my collection bucket was for the imaginary  fundraising collection someone though I  was doing as a fully sighted person with a Guide Dog,  assumptions can be wrong. Assuming Munch’s innocent face is incapable of being one of the world’s most notorious ball thief, is also another misconception. Maybe now is not the time to go into his known alias of “Good Boy” that everyone calls him when really, one of my friends knows him as the Pasty Thief that gently and lovingly alighted a pasty from her three year old daughters hand just as it was about to be transported to her mouth. A swift pasty replacement later and all was forgiven but the name has still stuck.

For me, one of the most infuriating misconceptions in the world today is when people criticize the “youth of today” from the narrative of the media alone without enough experience to make up their own minds about judging a whole section of society. Admittedly, I am slightly biased having worked with children and young people for the last twenty-six years on and off, but at least I have a privileged insight into their world. Working in schools with a Guide Dog brings with it many comments being directly and indirectly aimed at me. Some are hilarious, some are tactful, whilst others are said filter free but I for one love variety, so all are welcomed. There are times however that are heart melting such as the one  that happened last week.

Asking Munch to “find the steps” for us to lead us to our room, he quickened the pace before stopping at the end of the steps for my foot to find our starting point. Having the fuzzy triple visioned blurry light colour ahead of us seemingly reaching up to the heavens (which the sighted call stairs), we began climbing. I was aware of two pairs of footsteps ahead of me going in the same direction and held back a little for us not to get in their way. Mid climb, one pair of light footsteps stopped and began coming back down. Just as we were about to move to the side to let the lively feet and attached body to pass us, they stopped just in front of us. A sweet-sounding teenage boy seemed to lean towards us and ask, “Excuse me, do you need any help at all?”

It took me a while to wonder why he  would ask if I needed help? I began to wonder if I was walking in the wrong direction into a forbidden part of the school  or if something horrible had attached to me on our way up the stairs when I remembered I couldn’t see and had a Guide Dog with me. I know it sounds weird but if you have never been able to see clearly from birth and everything is always a blur, you know no different and it is never really an issue. This is my world where I forget I cannot see as I have never know any different. It is when I am totally oblivious to the fact that it is a disability, there is always a gentle reminder that appears to remind me that it is. When I walk with Munch by my left hand side, I totally forget he is a Guide Dog as I chatter away to him asking him to turn left or right or find doors and objects whilst praising him as we go. The problem when you have sight loss living in a sighted world is that you sometimes forget that people can see.

When my brain finally caught up with what the sweet boy meant, my heart melted. He must have seen someone with an obvious disability (even though I was too away with the fairies to remember I had one myself) and took time out of his day to ask if there was anyway he could help. He did it so discreetly, lowering his  tone not to draw attention which in itself showed what kind hearted soul he really was. I thanked him a lot for stopping to ask  but said we were fine. As he went on his way he told me to take care which I wished him back as my smile widened. There are more Earth Angels around us than we realized. This seemingly small interaction between a teenager from the Sighted world and a grandmother from the Sight Loss world spoke volumes about the world we live it.

To him, his kindness was a natural part of his being  . To me, his kindness was a gift that will get him so far in life that I hope his Karmic bank overflows. He saw me with a disability where I may have needed a bit of assistance. Whereas I saw myself as fully able bodied . We were both 100 % right  in that situation in our own ways. I hope that he always has someone around to help him if he ever needs it.

Ever Increasing Family Love

Tags

Animal, Animals and Children, Blessings, Children's Milestones, Childrens Acceptance, Christmas, Family, Gratitude, Guide Dog, Labradoodle, Unconditional Love

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So, our much-awaited Christmas present for 2020 is going to be a new baby in the family. What a perfect way to end a less than perfect year.

My second grandchild is due on 23^rd December which is something the whole family is excited for. How do I think Munch will react? Well if his relationship with Arna-Rae (my first born granddaughter) is anything to go by, I think they will be best friends.

Munch came into our lives when Arna-Rae was just nine months old and they hit it off straight away. He went to sniff her when they first met and the fact that she had some crumbs on her tights meant that this was going to be a match made in heaven. A new playmate and a food dropper all rolled into one was Munch’s idea of heaven. She was as gentle with him as he was with her as they played alongside one another stealing each other’s toys.

Arna-Rae started taking her sweet first steps as Munch walked alongside her and when out and about, she would hold onto his Guide Dog harness whilst out on their adventures. He was there for some of her firsts and is still there alongside her as she grows into the beautiful little girl that she has become. As she tries to dodge his sloppy morning kisses, she cradles his head so sweetly in her loving arms that have held him a multitude of times.

She says Mam (shortened version of Mamgu which is Welsh for grandmother) and Munch and not just Mam as she knows we come as a pair. She has only really known me with Munch as my Guide Dog and never on my own so to her, we are one. His happy helicopter tail rotates with delight as she comes crashing through the door as he knows his food dropping playmate has arrived for some fun. They know and love each other deeply.

When Arna-Rae’s brother or sister arrives and grows with the family, the only problems that I can see occurring are as follows-

• Who will be the first to snuggle up to him?
• Who will have the most fun toys to play with?
• Who will be most generous with food?
• Who can throw the ball the furthest?
• Who will be most likely to go on mischievous adventures with him?
• Who will be most likely to find his stinky anal exhales funny and not run away from him?
• Who will be most likely to run the fastest with him whilst out on free runs?
• Who will take up less room on the couch with him as he stretches out?
• Who will give the best belly rubs and nose kisses?
• Who will love him even when he is being a monster?

The truth is they will both be there each of these times as he will be there for them. The beauty of animals is that they are only capable of unconditional love. One may give him the most food or throw the ball the furthest, but he will love them both equally as will I.

The last four years as a grandmother has been the best. Getting to witness Arna-Rae grow form a tiny 4lb 12oz newborn into a beautiful, loving, kind four year old who has a wonderful sense of self  has been magical and I am so excited to see what her enchanting sibling will also bring into life. This Christmas will certainly be a perfect ending to a less than perfect year.  

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The Questioning Child

Tags

Animal, Children, Childrens Acceptance, Diversity, Dog, Food, Gratitude, Guide Dog, Happiness, Humour, Individuality, Inspire, Kindness, Love, Pets, Positivity

The common sense seeking scenarios that go on in a child’s mind is anything but boring. For children to develop schemas for the world that they live in, they need to explore and question everything. As all parents or those who work with children know, young children across the land get fixated on the why, how and when’s of anything from why they can’t keep a giraffe in their bedroom to when they can start their own second hand tooth business. Lulls in bizarre questions never last. Throw an animal with a funny looking thing on his back into the mix and the questions get a whole lot more …. entertaining.

Our shopping trips consist of far more than just buying things. We usually get stopped and asked questions about Munch, whilst Munch tries his best to distract shoppers despite apparently being trained not too. Munch takes me to his favourites aisles first before I can carry on with my shopping and whilst doing this, we carry out our obligation to provide a prompt for some inquisitive questions from children being fired at their poor worn out parents. As Munch leads me around the shop, our ears burn as we are being talked about by curious children. I feel sorry for the parents left to search for the answers, but I just love that momentary insights into the workings of a child mind. There have been some hilarious questions asked by these innocent minds.

A few weeks ago, as we were walking towards the toilets in a shop, I heard a little boy ask his father “Daddy, will that dog be able to pee in the toilet when he stands up?”. As we disappeared around the corner the voice of the father trailed off after he replied “No, it is the lady who is going to the toilet not the dog and..”. I would have loved to hear what came after the and. I laughed so hard as an image of Munch standing up on his two back legs and aiming for the porcelain came into my mind. To be fair, it was a valid question that he had.

His doggy bits have been discussed by kids behind our backs more than once. Just last week, a little boy walking behind us asked at the top of his voice “How can that dog sit down without any bum cheeks?”. Again, a good question from a bright mind. We once got stopped by an authoritative looking boy and girl whilst coming through a shop door where they swiftly told us that you could not bring a dog into a shop. When I explained he was a special dog that helps me see I was quizzed on why I needed him as I had my own eyes, they were not satisfied with my response when I couldn’t stifle a giggle any longer. After they had asked me why I couldn’t see well, does he get paid to work for me and is the thing on his back a coat that has gone too small for him (his harness) we were allowed past as their apologetic mother steered them out of the way whilst apologising profusely. I assured her we enjoyed the questioning from such bright minds and thought it was sweet. I really love how children’s minds work.

My gorgeous granddaughter is one of Munch’s best friends. He gets so excited when he sees her and as she is around the same size as him, they physically see the world through similar eyes at their level. She has the same serene chilled out energy as him and both love company and attention. They understand each other on such a special level. She offers to give him her potty which he kindly declines. They share the same love for food which she always offers whatever she is eating. He usually accepts. If she cries after a fall, he comes running to see if she is ok and rubs his head into her and gives her his paw to give her the healing that she needs. When she sleeps over our house, Munch and Angus the cat are the first ones she calls to check if they are ok and he runs up to her to say hello. They reflect each other’s loving selves perfectly. She rarely questions anything about him as my Guide Dog to her is normal as she has grown up knowing no different.

I love hearing children questioning the world that they live in whilst others innately know the answers as they live with the answers every day. Children need to question to learn about the world around them and the peculiar sights that they have never seen before. Accepting diversity in the world can only happen when the unknown becomes known. Answering the questions of children can help them embrace difference and make them a normality. A win win situation for all.

Children and Accepting Difference

Tags

Childrens Acceptance, Diversity, Great teacher, Individuality, Kindness, Positivity, Unconditional Love, Unique

The brain operates happily when surrounded by sameness. As soon as something comes into our awareness that is a little different, it can throw a bit of a wobbly. The amygdala in our brains can fear the unknown and distrust this new concept that we are faced with. The only way the brain feels like it can cope with such uneasy feelings is to call on the neurons in the mesolimbic system to release that pleasure giving dopamine transmitter that happens when we return to the comfort of our ‘Sameness Tribe’. Basically, the brain would rather stick with what it knows than be scared by difference. Luckily as we have evolved, our understanding and acceptance in the world has increased due to better education and general knowledge about diversity.

Embracing difference has been a hot topic for some time, so what can we do help sustain and deepen this? Teaching children about diversity is essential in today’s society, it is estimated that 95% of the World population will experience physical and/or mental health conditions at some time in their lives so it is inevitable that children will be exposed to some form of ‘difference’ in life. Childhood is the best time to learn acceptance and non-judgmental attitudes due to the welcoming neuroplasticity of the brain and can control how they perceive the world. Here are a few ways and reasons why you should help your child embrace difference in others.

Highlight difference and then normalize it – When a child sees a new object, it is natural that they will always want to explore that object and question. It is no difference when they experience an individual that they meet that does not fit into their ‘Sameness Tribe’. They are not making loud comments or asking cringe worthy questions to embarrass the other person, they are just genuinely interested. Don’t be afraid to explain to them why an individual may look or act differently. Honesty is key. I often hear children telling their parents that dogs are not allowed in shops, so they ask why I have my Guide Dog with me. That is such a valid point as they are still learning about the world around them and need to know the answers. Highlighting the role of Guide Dogs there and then allows them to connect new information to real life situations.

Encouraging them to step out of their own comfort zone – Life will always be full of surprises no matter how hard you try to control otherwise. Remaining in your own comfort zone may keep your amygdala happy but life can become riddled with uneasy feelings if this comfort zone gets taken away form you suddenly. Explaining to children how other people cope successfully with adverse situations is essential to the developing mind. Positive role models of people living with diversity will allow a child to develop coping strategies, acceptance, non-judgemental attitudes, resilience and adaptability. These qualities are essential for a healthy outlook on life.

Prepare them for their own differences – The best gift a child can ever have is to feel comfortable in their own skin. Mental health and wellbeing of an individual can be adversely affected if they do not feel accepted by the outside world. By modelling acceptance of difference in others, children learn to identify their own uniqueness which can prevent internal conflict if they ever feel different in some way. Such an acceptance will allow them to develop a positive mental attitude in becoming an individual regardless of sameness or differences in themselves and others.

Help increase Theory of Mind – To effectively function in the world we need to not only know about ourselves but also about others. The intents, desires, beliefs and thoughts of others minds as well as our own, can help us connect empathetically and create meaningful relationships with others. It is important that children learn from a young age that they are equal to others and are never more or less important than the next person. Helping a child understand that an individual may appear to be different but their core values, needs and wishes in life are equal to their own, allows empathy to develop.

Support unconditional love and compassion – Children are innately accepting and loving towards others. Changes to this innate way of being can come from outside societal influences and not from within so it is key to keep this innate loving way of being alive. Children who love unconditionally, see the world in a more positive light and don’t want to ‘fix’ another’s imperfections. Having compassion for others also allows their own self love to grow at the same time. By encouraging these two qualities in a child life, they will become that best friend, that everyone wishes they had.

Not only do we teach our children, but they can also become our greatest teachers in life. Having such compassionate teachers in this world, would make the world a far nicer place for all to live in regardless of if they belong to their ‘Sameness Tribe’ or not.

The Weapon Of Blindness

Tags

Blind, Childrens Acceptance, Great teacher, Guide Dog, Hidden Disability, Love, Positivity, Santes Dwynwen, Sight Loss, Unconditional Love, Vision Impairment, Visual Impairement, White Cane

As she fought off obstacles that were not there, she swung the white cane from side to side daring anyone or anything to get her way. Attracting some fellow onlookers who fancied a go of her new-found weapon, she zoomed across the room at a speed that could make her heels smoke. Not caring what anyone thought of her, she continued her travels. As her feet picked up pace so did the speed of the cane and I knew there would be a collision soon, so I gently guided her towards the side of the room and took the Weapon of Blindness back under control. She fell into a sobbing heap on the floor. It was hard being 2 years old.

This is what happened when I took my granddaughter to an indoor play area and took my Weapon of Blindness instead of my Guide Dog Minster Munch. He had come with me before to this play area but wasn’t feeling too good after eating yet another forbidden object so was replaced by my extendible white friend. In the past, I could sense some of the poor parents’ apprehension about letting a dog that was twice the size of their child near them. Today however, the parents seemed more uneasy that I would bump into their children with my cane.

To restore the fun in my Granddaughters day, I gave her the new toy back. What was amazing was that I had never used the cane in front of her before today and she saw me use it for all of 5 seconds before whipping it out of my hand for the first time. She began using it correctly. She did not bang it around or push it along in front of her but moved it swiftly from side to side enough to swing it not much further than the width of her body in a perfect manner. She had taken 5 seconds to learn something that had taken me 4 weeks to learn.

As I walked behind her holding onto her sides like we were doing the Conga, I realized that she was doing it right where I had been doing it wrong all along. Her focus was only on getting from a to b and did not give a flying frisbee who saw her and what people thought of her. Here I was being given one of my greatest life lessons by a 2-year-old elder. Surrendering to the now, she had no plans, she had no past she just had the fun of being one with the Weapon of Blindness. As she held it steadily in her hand (which by the way was at least 4 times her height) she knew no fear, no limits, no shame.

I vowed today to live more like my little warrior. As she takes the cane off me and happily trots around the play area with other kids following her begging for a go of this Weapon of Blindness, I fall more and more in love with her authentic self. The freedom to meet challenges with power, comes from breaking our own imagined ties to fear-based restrictions. So today I will live by my granddaughters’ mantra in life. “ Gooooooooo”.

The term Weapon of Blindness for the white cane, came from a young boy’s experience of holding one in a talk I was part of for World Vision Day.