There is this bizarre rumour that has been spread across the globe over the decades that dogs have owners and only cats have staff. What a lot of old tosh. I am the King of my home and utilise my staff whenever required. Let me introduce you to my servants.
Chief Maid – It is because of this one that I landed up living here. All through guide dog training school, I knew I was destined for something big. My charming good looks got me extra attention so when I arrived in my “Owners” house (pfft, as if), I had mastered placing spells upon people to make them do as I want through my pleading eyes. The chief maid accompanies me on my royal visits and tends to my needs. She is under the impression that I am her hired help, but everyone else knows different.
Head of PR – This one that I have hired is used when I am out and about without my chief maid, He also doubles as a footman among other things. He accompanies me out in public when I fancy a free run without my robe on (or harness in common terms). He is responsible for answering questions about me to those who stop and ask. Not only does my PR tell people that I am a Labradoodle not an Irish Wolfhound, but he also informs them about my alluring personality, regal ways and high standards.
Lady – in-waiting – I do realize that this role is usually used for females of a high ranking such as I, but I am all for Equal Opportunities so I felt it was only right that I had access to one. She is the kind eldest daughter of the chief maid and always ensures that I have everything that I need and is always at hand to make my life more comfortable whether it be a quick massage of my body or ego or ensuring that my sleeping arrangements are good enough for me.
Chauffeuse – There is a need sometime to be taken somewhere in style as it cannot be expected of me to walk everywhere. My Chauffeuse is the beautiful second daughter of the chief maid and is well trained enough to know that I will only get in and out of the car in my own good time and not on command. Her patients with me is appreciated as she has learnt over time that I do things at my own pace and in my own unique style. I may not do the royal wave to the cars that travel behind me on the road, but I do acknowledge them with a slight nod of the head when I am upright and happen to be glancing in their direction out of the rear of the car.
Royal Butler – The third born to the chief maid is a son who I have made my butler. This loving soul understands my needs so well and ensures that I always have what I need. In fact, he understands me so well that I have taken over his bedroom. If I lie on his bed, he is always there to fuss over me. He feeds me sometimes when the chief maid is not looking, and she has even ordered a larger bed now so that I am able to stretch out on his bed a little more and maybe allow him a tiny corner to sleep in. I know, I am all heart towards my staff.
Personal Trainer – The youngest of the chief maids’ children who is the one that is sporty like me. Well, I mean we both love to play with a ball although I obviously cannot be seen to be huffing and puffing too much to the common onlooker so I only play for a limited amount of time but my amazing personal trainer always tries to help my warrior like ways by play wrestling, stick pulling and taking me on assault courses full of mud. This is where I leave my inner pup out to play away from the eyes of those who expect me to be in my work mode. He is my perfect partner to make mischief with.
The Nanny – Technically, this may not be the official title, but this is the adorable granddaughter of the chief maid. She ensures that I always have toys around to play with and we always go on the hunt together for things that we should not play with but are fun all the same. I loved it when she drew on the walls at my eye level so that I could appreciate the artwork in my own art gallery whenever I wanted. She drew such a masterpiece until the spoil sports painted over it. She is so caring that she always pampers me and babies me.
These are just my main members of staff, I also have a nutritionist who is the mother of the chief maid who always gives me tasty treats that my chief maid always tries to ban as apparently, I need to lose a little weight. Huh, she listens to that vet far too much. I also have two royal guides who take me on fun walks when I go and visit. They are the father and brother of the chief maid so when I get to visit that fun house, I get fed lovely forbidden foods and taken for glorious walks and do not have to work. Ah bliss. I also have a stylist who I visit every three months or so to make sure my eye brows are on fleek along with many other staff members that I am too tired to write about as I will be needing my fifth nap of the day soon,
I hope all my fellow canines out there have such loving staff members around them because we are more than worth it. Happy training.