Are You Talking About Me?

Tags

Book Deal, Guide Dog, Humour, Interviews, Labradoodle, Media

She is at it again. Speaking on my behalf. I am Munch and I am the real owner and should be listened to, not the maid. She may have physically written the book, but it is I who is the inspiration to write the book and its my telepathic abilities that got her to type out my thoughts. Does nobody see this?

I have had interest about the book and interviews coming out of my floppy ears recently and don’t get me started on photos that everyone wants. Being such a handsome Labradoodle is no doddle, it takes a lot of effort to look this good, but I must keep my fans happy, so I am willing to look as gorgeous as possible especially when the media are around.

Last week the maid was interviewed about how I had changed her life and brought spiritual meaning to her by Spirit & Destiny magazine which will be out in January of next year. She did big me up in that interview which I was pleased about and we have just been for some photos to send off to the magazine which shows all my good sides.

Earlier on this week, I had a journalist travel seven hours on trains to come to interview me, but I let the maid do the talking as I casually snoozed curled up on the sofa next to her acting my usual angelic self. The journalist had read my book and the things that the maid had written about my mischievous self were obviously hard for her to believe as I behaved impeccably in front of her. I have a photoshoot with the rest of the staff (or the maid and the rest of the family as they like to be addressed) later this week to accompany this article that will appear in a few weeks in the Femmail section of The Mail.
I have another radio interview scheduled with Hay House Radio the day before my book in released so as you can see. I have been a very busy dog.

Unfortunately, I must rely on the hired help to speak on my behalf and she sometimes tells of funny stories I would rather we forget about. I am using my innocent eyes to try and tell people of my perfection and to ignore the true stories that the maid is saying and try and convince them she is exaggerating but shhhh please don’t tell anyone of my pleading eyes tricks. I will also be acting like the well-trained dog that I am meant to be in front of people which may be difficult to keep this act up for a long time, but I will try my best. I am even planning on listening to what is asked of me and obeying it in front of these important people, but I am not sure if this is a step too far for my innate stubborn self.

My plan is to ensure that everyone will believe that I am as innocent as my face looks, do you think it will work? I have five weeks before the book is out so I will try not to “accidentally borrow” another tennis ball from a shop, do any more dodgy doggy cuddles between strangers legs or be a panini thief in the run up to it to avoid bad press. I solemnly swear to allow Angus to eat some of his cat food and not take it all, keep the eye rolls to a minimum and not run off with another dogs ball for at least another five weeks to ensure that I will only been seen in a good light. Who knows maybe I will decide to write my own book about the maid then to tell of all her naughty ways which would be a good read I promise.

I am just off to perfect my look of innocence. What ever other people say about you just remember your inner angel and let it shine out for all to see.

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Minster, a.k.a…….

Tags

Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Nickname, Unconditional Love

Minster may be his official name as he was kindly sponsored by Lincoln Minster Prep School but deep down, he will always be my little Munch.

Nicknames are funny little things that usually have stories behind them that only those close to them know the reasoning behind them. The nickname Munch came about after his trainer spoke of his love for anything edible (and non-edible) and it’s kind of became a gateway into other nicknames that have stuck. Here is a brief list of some of the other nicknames that Munch goes by…

1. Angel Delight (because he is when he is sleeping).
2. Baby cakes (he will always be my baby).
3. Beyoncé (as he struts around like her).
4. Chihuahua wannabe (when he is acting like lap dog).
5. Clown (as if he wasn’t a guide dog, he would be entertaining crowds in a circus).
6. Drama king (Just stating the obvious).
7. Einstein (due to his lookalike eyebrows and his intelligence).
8. Fluffy face (when he needs a haircut).
9. Great oaf (due to his clumsiness).
10. Guru (he teaches me new life lessons each day).
11. Hairy bear (self-explanatory).
12. King Munch (let’s be fair, he is).
13. Lord and Master (quite rightly so).
14. Lazy Bones (he cat naps more than Angus who is a cat).
15. Mischief maker (the best around).
16. Monster Munch (if he was a pack of crisps, he would be cute scary ones).
17. Munch Bunch (tasty like a yoghurt).
18. Munchkins (his child like nature).
19. Munchkin Mop tops (thanks to his mop of hair).
20. My owner (I know my place in the relationship).
21. Precious (due to his delicate nature).
22. Rebel (he doesn’t do rules).
23. Sloth (which is like his usual pace in life).
24. Smelly Bear (from his awful anal exhales).
25. Sugar cube (due to his sweet nature).

May I just add, I always give him a kiss and a belly rub when I am calling his these as not to offend him and most of the time say it in my head not to create a show down where no doubt he will win. I know he must have a few nicknames for me but many may be unprintable as I am sure I can hear them slip out when he is rolling his eyes at me and sighing at me to tell me exactly what he thinks of me asking him to move his body into an upright position.

If I ever confuse you by referring to him by different names I do apologize. Everything I call him always comes from a place of unconditional love that I have for him and his quirky ways. I feel blessed to have met all these sides to him and I know I will continue to meet more as time goes on and I cannot wait.

Power Saving Mode

Tags

Guide Dog, Labradoodle, Summer solstice, Writing

Who doesn’t like a lazy summer day where the pace is slow and the good times flow? Moods seem more uplifted and people use this natural boost of Vitamin D to energise their days to connect with nature and make the most of the outdoors. Al fresco eating is a must as being indoors all day seems to be a waste. Tans and topped up and beach ready bodies that have been worked on for months are on show for all to see. The sun worshipers among us, need no prompting to lounge around in the sun and make the most of it whilst it is here.

Then there are the other types of people in the world that avoid the sun at all costs. The ones whose energy is zapped by the blazing bad boy in the sky who cannot seem to fire on all cylinders in this hot weather. Eating outdoors is a definite no unless they want to share their food with flies, wasps and other winged intruders who always seem to be buzzing around taunting them. The pale skinned among us who turn an impressive shade of lobster dare not leave the house unless they are smothered in sun cream as past experiences of horrific sun burn are etched into their memory. The sun protesters are the ones that dread stripping off the layers in this torturous season of heat. Seeking out a shady breeze is what keeps these people sane during the insanely hot season.

Munch kind of lays in the middle of these two groups of people. He loves the ideology of the first group where lounging around is a necessity and he is also rather partial to a little bit of al fresco eating especially where dropped BBQ food occurs. The other part of him however must side with the later lot that seeks the shade of the sensible. His hairy warrior like body does not last long in the sweltering heat so he needs constant fanning down and feeding of treats. His own designated paddling pool does not really get used for its purpose and he refuses to get into it so uses it as a constant drinking bowl to keep him hydrated.

As with most dogs in this heat, we don’t go out unless it is first thing in the morning or last thing at night to protect him from the heat which goes in well with my current restrictions on mobility after the knee op. Combine this with his delayed haircut as it was too hot in the groomers for the dogs, then we have a great excuse to be on power saving mode for the next couple of weeks.

Munch is napping at Olympic standards and I am using the free time to write like a serial writer. Whereas the power saving mode is beginning to annoy me slightly as I like being active, it seems like Munch is falling deeper and deeper into this new pace of life.

As he snores and I tap away at the laptop, I think this is the universes way of preparing us for a busy few months ahead of us from September onwards. Where other people will be entering the natural slowing of the pace that happens in Autumn, we will be picking up the pace and being the odd ones out. Learning to surrender to a slower pace of life has not been easy but it is what it is. Recharging batteries whenever we can in the year allows us to reboot and reenergise when we most need it to help us live the life that is waiting for us. However you are spending these sunny days, enjoy what they bring as much as you can.

Operation Munch

Tags

Animals, Doggie People, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Operation

So, the knee operation went well, and it is beginning to heal nicely. Most importantly though, I know you are all wondering how Munch has coped with it all. Here is a quick rundown of how he coped on op day.

7.30am – We arrived at the hospital and were shown to our own cubicle as they aware that Munch was coming in with me. As soon as we entered the room and the nurse left to get the paperwork to fill in, Munch went to jump up on the bed immediately. I caught him mid air and firmly told him to get down before Infection control on the ward had a total meltdown.

9am – Two nurses, the anaesthetist, surgeon, surgical procedure representative and a few passing people in the corridor had come to say hi to Munch and fallen in love with him. Many asked if they take him home with them, others just settled for a fuss.

10.30am – Munch went home for a little run and nap with my friend whilst I popped down to theatre. In the anaesthetic room the anaesthetist asked where Munch had gone which started a conversation off with the anaesthetic nurse about Munch and her nine stone New Foundland dog and the anaesthetist’s Golden retriever. After the spinal was administered and we were all busy laughing about doggy antics, the surgeon came in and asked whenever we were finished having our loud party, he was ready for us. Ooops, I always seem to get told off for laughing too loud and causing mayhem.

1.50pm – After a bit of ACL ligament removal and donor replacement, bone shaving, bone grafting and anchoring into place with some screws, I woke up in the recovery room to another nurse asking me about Munch. They had obviously been talking about him when I was in the sedated land of nod. After hearing more doggy stories from this new person it was time to go back up onto the ward.

3pm – During routine obs I was asked when Munch was coming back. My “when I get discharged” answer was not good enough apparently, so the nurse went to ask the other staff members and they said to bring him back now if I wanted to as they loved having him there. We settled on asking him to come back at 6.30 for the staff to have their Munch fix before they finished their shift.

6.30 – I was informed by my friend that brought him back that he was stopped in the corridor on the way up and was told by one of the nurses that he shouldn’t have taken him home as she missed him (Munch not my friend). I knew by the “Oh’s” that I heard when he came back that Munch was back on the ward and heading my way. After a quick sniff of my bandaged knee and a few gentle kisses he settled back down in the room but not before he gave me the obligatory “you are in MY bed” look.

7.45pm – Munch popped his head out in the corridor (whilst off harness but on his lead), to have a little nosey around. Two of the new night staff saw him and fell in love with him. I heard more and more voices coming over to him and cooing all over him as I was told there were six members of staff in all there fussing all over him. Questions fired at him and fuss was made, two even got sloppy kisses from him which I am sure they soon washed off with anti-bacterial wash

9.10pm – The porter came to collect us to take us to the main doors to go home. Munch had a quick sniff of him for approval which began off a whole new set of doggy stories from his own life.

All in all, it is fair to say that Munch had a lovely day full of fuss and attention. I had a day filled with sweet dog stories from all directions from people I never would have really had these conversations with them if it wasn’t for Munch. That day, my knee op was just a minor triviality in life with Munch. He has yet to go anywhere subtly and seems to always be centre of attention but that is the way that I always want to keep it. He is the best pain relief ever!

A Peaceful End To A Protest

Tags

Animals, Dog, Guide Dog, Labradoodle, Respect, Tolerance, Unconditional Love

I wonder what his placard would have said if he had one.

I WANT FREEDOM. WHEN DO I WANT IT? NOW?

LABRADDODLES RULE.

1 HOUR WORKDAYS ARE TOO MUCH

YOU MUST OBEY THE KING

I BARK, YOU LISTEN

Many may have thought that this sit-down protest came out of nowhere but I, his maid, knew him well enough to know that I was obviously asking too much of him. I was asking him to pass a place of play that he loved to cause mischief in. His on-duty Harness wearing persona Minster was out doing his guide dog duties but his Munch like side was triggered by the sight of wide-open grass. What was a dog to do?

As his pace slowed down, I knew we were in trouble. His gentle leader clad head softly turned to his left as his heart began to long for some freedom. He wanted to bound around like a leaping lamb in the place where he has spent many a morning leading Elle the golden Labrador astray. A place where he has accidentally on purpose run off with a ball or two from some poor unsuspecting dog just for the banter. It is here that he has had many an unsuccessful attempt to jump up into the trees that may have a squirrel or two. Basically, this is one of the places that he can be free to be the clown that he was born to be.

The problem that I had on this day was that I did not have my cane with me or his bell collar that I use to hear where he is as opposed to seeing where he is so I could not really let him off his harness. He had already had a run in the morning and a 3 mile walk so was far from exercise deprived but his cold shoulder was telling me different. His sit down protest lasted a good 15 minutes and despite my reasoning with his rational side, he refused to budge. He was going in that field one way or another and I was just going to have to deal with it.

During our pointless one-way conversation, a person had passed by twice commenting “oh, you are still here then” on the way back. I really wanted to say “yes, my owner has decided he is not budging until he gets his own way” but I settled with the little fib of “Yes we are just having a rest in the fresh air”. Not wanting to be reported for loitering with intent (although I am not sure what harm a blind woman and a stubborn guide dog could be accused of), it was time to compromise. He would get his own way, but he would have to stay on the lead to help me avoid any trip hazards.

Slipping his harness off his body, I could sense his hopes getting up. When I failed to unclip his lead from his collar, I sensed his hopes fall. Not a good thing for this drama king to experience as I knew that although he thought had got what he wanted; he was not wholly free. His sulking shoulders were reluctant to move his legs at a quickened pace to begin with, but he soon warmed up to the compromise that we had come too with semi freedom being offered.

Over the last two and a half years, he has trained me very well. It was clear from the start that he was the one in relationship that called the shots and I was daft enough to obey. He works so hard for me and has allowed me to return to work and live independently again so it is only fair that there is a lot of give and take in the relationship. Learning to compromise in any relationship is essential to be able to hear each other’s needs be it a romantic relationship, family relationship, friendship or a relationship with animals.

If I had a guide dog that totally obeyed my every command out of fear of being disciplined, I would feel utterly heartbroken. He dedicates his life to helping me get around and fills the hearts of people that he meets with pure love and joy, so if he wants to have a little tantrum now and again so be it. We are equal beings with equal needs that need to be heard. If your animal is training you well too, be grateful that he/she feels comfortable enough to ask you. When we learn to listen and let go of control, we learn to love unconditionally.

Time Off For Good Behaviour

Tags

Animals, Dog, Guide Dog, Labradoodle, Mobility, Thanks

Do you promise I only have a few more shifts to go until the holidays?

I know that is what he is thinking as I have been promising him this time off for a long time. The beauty of working in schools is that we have a lot of holidays which suits Munch just fine. He was put on this earth for many things such as giving and receiving an abundance of love, being a constant source of entertainment, training people to pander to his needs but work? ……not so much.

Most of his workday is spent laying around on his bed, client’s feet or in a corner in a huff. When he is not in his horizontal hibernation, he can be found playing with his toys, giving a client his paw to demand attention or doing the dying fly impersonation on the floor to centre all attention around his dramatic display. Keeping all of that in mind, I use the word work in the loosest of terms in relation to Munch.

He is even more excited this year as he has an extra week off than our usual 6 weeks so 7 weeks of off duty fun awaits him. When he will be running around freely on a field somewhere or swimming in a river, I will be slightly out of action with a healing knee after the upcoming operation that is happening in 2 weeks-time. I cannot wait to hear from his dog walkers what mischief he gets up to on his days out.

Everything is planned out to make sure that he has the most fun summer ever. A timetable of fun awaits him whilst I may be stuck indoors for a little while. I have a feeling that as he hangs up his harness for a few weeks he will have no regret, only happiness coursing through his body. I cannot wait to sense how happy he is each time he is brought home with a tired-out body and his bank of joy filled up.

Healing from the operation will be much easier if I know everyone is taken care of. The children are all sorted, and I know will be a great help. Angus and Faith will be happy doing their own cat and tortoise thing, but it is Munch who I have been most concerned about. Will he unlearn his guide dog commands when he is off? Will he have a tantrum when his harness goes back om him in a few weeks? Will he demand new working conditions when he returns to his role when I am more mobile?

I know that even when I am on crutches whilst wearing a Robocopesque leg brace, we will learn to listen to each other and work as partners in our own unique way. Munch is rather a fan of the slower pace of life, so I don’t think my new pace of walking will annoy him too much. A pocket full of treats and lots of fuss and praise may help soften his heart when he returns to a slower pace of work life.

I will keep you all posted on his summer escapades which will no doubt bring a smile or two to your face. The harness free pics will hopefully show his fun off duty summer that he deserves so much. Let the fun begin.

When The Mighty Fall

Tags

Animals, Dog, Drama King, Humour, Labradoodle

She calls herself a dedicated maid who loves me so much but here I am having to rely on a supermarket toilet hand dryer to give me the blow dry that I should be receiving everyday as part of my grooming regime.

Do you think it is too late for me to request new staff members who treat me with more respect and appreciate my regal ways? Here she is bringing me to a common place and not even apologising. The untrained eye may see me as just a guide dog and not the King that I really am.

She makes me walk and refuses to carry me because apparently, I am too big. She refuses to give me all her food when I look at her in “that way” with my adorable eyes and only gives me bits whilst muttering “don’t tell anyone form guide dogs or the vet that I am giving you this”.

She makes me shower when I don’t want to. I will swim in rivers and the sea whenever I get a chance, yet she finds it puzzling that I will not walk in the rain. Apparently to the maid it is odd, but I think she is the odd one who expects me to be reasonable with her. I don’t do reason very well. I overheard her once laughing and saying to a friend that she doesn’t think I am trained when it is obvious that SHE is the one that is not trained. I have high standards that she clearly has trouble meeting such as now.

Here I am, King Munch having to rely on a hand dryer to get the blow dry I should be getting daily. Appearance is everything to a handsome fella like me so does she think that daily brushing is enough for the upkeep of my public persona? My telepathic pleas for a permenant personal poodle pamper staff member has fallen on an unreceptive brain so what is a dog to do? The only way to get through to her to demonstrate my needs is obviously to show her although she cannot see. By stepping between her and the hand dryer each time I am hoping that she will get the message that I should have a far more deluxe version at home for my personal usage which I will choose at my convenience.

Could you do me a favour please? If you ever see me lowering my standards and getting blow dried in public could you, please give my maid a nudge to tell her that she needs to install a full doggie grooming parlour in my residence please? Between us we will educate her on my needs as a regal being. Falling from my pedestal is never easy so please send loving thoughts my way until my correct positioning in the hierarchy in the family can commence. Much doggy love sent your way.

When Two Become One

Tags

Animals, Beauty, Dog, Guide Dog, Labradoodle, Oneness, Thanks, Unity

When a guide dog meets his/her new working partner, neither of their lives will ever be the same again.

After months of training to become super intelligent guide dogs that will give their time and love unconditionally to their new partners, they begin to weave their magic into the life of their new best friend. The blessed person with sight loss who has been awaiting this guide dog gift day for a long time can begin to attempt to return to some normality of life safe in the knowledge that they have a furry friend helping them. It will be the mix of both of their energies that will create a foundation for the most life changing bond that they will ever experience.

Matching guide dog to partner goes way beyond pairing up the first dog that is available. The needs of the guide dog partner are known and is key in choosing which dog will be suitable. Some matches will not work out and the partnership may be brief, whereas others will last for over 8 years and will create a bond that will never be forgotten. The guide dog will become part of the family, part of the community and most importantly part of the person that walks along their righthand side throughout life.

Guide dogs are far from over worked robots who do nothing but serve the person in their life. They are far more than a pet and far less than a slave. They go places that many animals never get to experience, and they get admired by the onlookers who see their beauty and their worth. They get to put smiles on the faces of people who live in loneliness and feel the love from strangers that surrounds them when they cross their paths. The extended family that the guide dog comes from with the old puppy walkers, trainers and guide dog staff have all had an essential role in helping the dog reach their full potential.

Since Munch came into my life the “I” has ceased and the “we” has begun. His needs are always top priority (along with the children) when I wake in the morning. Creating a happy life for him is key in us being able to work as a partnership throughout our life together. People always see us as a package now and where they see one of us, they expect to see the other. He plays more than he works, and he is pampered and never struggles. My love for him grows each day, and the mischievous imperfections that make him who he is, I hope will keep evolving.

The universe was in cahoots with our souls when it matched us together and for that I will be ever grateful. Being known as the one with “the unusual guide dog”, always makes me smile and my heart fills with joy. Becoming one with this drama loving, chilled out mischief maker means that I get to witness things that I never would have without him. I really hope that you get to become one with a furry or non-furry being in life and appreciate their quirky ways. Merged lives can expand the solitary life that will soon become a distant memory when we trust the oneness of all living beings.

A Panini Thief? Where?

Tags

Animals, Dog, Foodie, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Sharing

“Well, his official name is Minster as he was sponsored by Lincoln Minster Prep school, but I have nicknamed him Munch”, joked the trainer that had brought this beautiful hairy soul into my life. It wasn’t long before I knew why his nickname had come about.

Led by a typical Labrador stomach, Munch cruised through life hoovering up unwanted food debris with utter dedication to this life path that he had chosen. One of the advantages of being a guide dog was that he could go places that other dogs were not allowed. Working alongside his maid in different schools around the area meant that he had a lot of ground to selflessly cover in relation to removal of food waste. Not a break or dinner time went past that this hard-working soul was not on high alert for removing any food-based slip hazards that the two legged less hairy race could slip on. No corner remained unexplored on his shift.

Just the other day he was faced with preventing an urgent food spillage that was about to happen right before his eyes. As his maid was taking him through the reception area of a school, he spotted a potential health and safety hazard about to occur on his patch. Being the ever-vigilant hero that he is, he knew he had little time and had to act fast. Prevention was always better than cure, so he stepped up to the mark without a second thought for his safety. There in front of him dangling at face height was a chicken tikka panini in a careless hand. Knowing the damage that such a spillage could cause on the carpeted floor he sprang into action and put his own safety on the line. Saving the school cleaner a messy clean-up, he did what any decent citizen would have done and went in for the chomp.

Rescuing the whole panini in his mouth, he stood with pride showing off his heroic skills. The gasps of the astonished people all around him was obviously a shared appreciation of his bravery wasn’t it? As he stood with half of the panini poking lengthways out of his mouth, he pondered how he was going to get the whole lot in his mouth at record speed. It was in that moment that everything changed. Out of nowhere, the cruel hand of the maid came around to remove the mid-air panini part out of his mouth for some strange reason. There he stood, the top food spillage preventor around, being relieved of his duties. How could this be happening?

As he quickly ate the remaining of the chicken tikka panini that was safe in his mouth, he heard a lot of commotion from the two legged less hairy race. The maid was saying sorry a million times for some strange reason and there was a lot of giggling going on around him. As the maid offered to buy the pupil a new panini, he stood in utter amazement that nobody had stopped to thank him. After all those years of perfecting his cleaning up skills, nobody could see that he was just being of service the best he could. What had the world come too when a top dog is no longer celebrated? The mind boggles.

Entering the office in reception a few moments later, he received the standing ovation that he rightly deserved as the three receptionists laughed at his little show. With his helicopter like tail rotating in excitement, he allowed the ladies to come and stroke him. The maid was still rambling on about some “little monkey” that she knew but he did not know what she meant. A quick sniff in the bin under one of the receptionist’s desks gave the ladies in the office the all clear from any potential food disasters. Regardless of the maid carrying on about being embarrassed by that little monkey that she kept harping on about, he went straight back into his professional role. He was not a quitter.

Arriving back in their counselling room with a full belly and job satisfaction, he drank two bowls full of water and settled down for the afternoon. The lack of appreciation from the maid filled him with disappointment. He decided to put her in the doghouse and give her the cold shoulder for the remainder of the day. Withdrawing his love for her he made her beg for his forgiveness to get back in his good books. He is sure he heard her saying something about there being a panini thief around, but he couldn’t be sure. He needed a rest before he had to go and tackle any more crime and prevention.

If you ever need a food spillage expert to come to your area for a major clean-up operation, just give Munch a call. He knows you will appreciate him more than his maid does.

Confessions Of An Eye Rolling Enthuisiast

Tags

Animals, Dog, Drama King, Eye Rolling, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle

To my fellow eye rollers, I am writing this post on your behalf to educate the static eye gang on why the art of eye rolling should be pursued. Now, if we were having this conversation around 60 years ago, us eye rolling enthusiasts may have been called flirts due to the fact that our dramatic eyes were a sign of flirtation, but I can assure you that my eye rolling is usually due to another reason. Well, if there happens to be a nice-looking Labrador in the vicinity (especially light-coloured males), my eyes may do some old-fashioned rolling. In normal circumstances however, my eye rolls are just a visible by-product of wearing my emotions on my adorable face.

Many two legged less hairy beings (aka humans) believe that us dogs do not roll our eyes but let me assure we do. Admittedly, my eye rolling behaviour was non existent before I moved into my maid’s house, but the eye rolls soon began when I realized what I was expected to put up with. After my guide dog graduation in my bright new harness, I was told that I was ready to be a fully working dog. Nobody told me how hard the work was though. I mean, I sometimes must even work up to 2 hours a day in harness. I know what you are thinking, how do I cope? This is where the eye rolling talent comes in as I can let all those around me know that I am not impressed. To be fair, the maid cannot see me rolling my eyes, so I am extra thoughtful to her and just give her loud sighs.

Here are a few situations that you may see me roll my eyes in protest and I know that you will feel my pain and fully support my visual display of distain.

1. When the maid wants me to get out of bed before 7am for her to take me for a walk (which means working).
If, however, one of my favourite dog walkers comes to take me out for a nice walk and free run, I am totally fine with that.

2. If I must go out walking in the rain.
Swimming in lakes and rivers is totally fine with me but not rain.

3. If the maid tells me off for eating Angus’s cat food.
If she wants me to work for her, she must understand I need fuel to function at such high levels that I do.

4. When the maid refuses to go and retrieve the ball that she has thrown when we are playing catch.
I will maybe retrieve the ball for the first three times and take it back to her to throw but then it is up to her to throw and retrieve the ball and attempt everything to get me re-engage in the game.

5. When all the two legged less hairy race complain about my anal exhales.
They have yet to master the art of appreciate the organic aroma that I produce and share with others, they really need to live more by the sharing is caring motto in life.

6. When the maid takes me to clothes shops.
Unless there is a Pet food aisle in a shop, I do not want to be there. Hoovering up stray bits of dog or cat food (I am not fussy) that has fallen on the floor from a ripped bag is me demonstrating my helpful nature. I do not wear clothes so therefore such shops don’t interest me.

7. When playtime ends.
When I am put back in my harness by my maid or on the lead by one of my dog walkers, my eyes will roll in protest. Play and sleep are the only two modes that I can ever be found in and surely, they don’t want me to sleep all day, do they?

8. When I gently take food out of any hand that is at my level and get told off for it.
I am polite and I never snatch. If there is food at my level, it is obvious that they want me to have it as they know that a regal being such as I need to be fed. Apparently, taking food off children is frowned upon. What a stupid rule as they are usually the ones with the tastiest of foods.

9. Having been told off yet again for digging up the flower beds.
I am a dog, I dig, Get over it.

10. When the maid uses that annoying sing song voice and talks to me in a childish voice.
I am far more intelligent than she will ever be so why she talks to me as if I am a baby I will never know. I have trained her and my other staff well and they should know that I should be spoken to like a king.

Eye rolling is just my way of expressing that whatever you are saying or doing is not okay with me. I am Munch and I am an eye rolling enthusiast and always will be until the day that my maid and other staff learn their wrong doings.