My maid is so easy to train, it’s laughable.
Here we are AGAIN on another photoshoot for a magazine article and she is expecting me to do as I am told. I have been in her life for over two and a half years now and she thinks that I obey her commands. Fair enough, when I am representing guide dogs with my harness on and we are out walking I will do my bit and act like the angelic guide dog that I am. As soon as my harness slips off however, I will return to my strong-willed authentic self. I will only act in ways that I find satisfying to my soul whilst off duty and I have certain conditions that I require to be met. This is especially true when I am asked to pose for photos and the staff don’t get it right first time around. Here are my requests for this photoshoot which I find totally reasonable. What do you think?
– I demand a long run around before the photoshoot to let my hair down. The cheeky maid says it helps relieve some of the mischief, but I just need her to run around after me to let her know that she will always be trailing after her real owner.
– I will only come back on my lead when I am ready and not when she is ready for me. Best thing come to those who wait so I am doing her a favour by making her wait so that she gets the best of me.
– I will send chills of panic down the spine of the maid and the photographer as I flirt with the idea of jumping in the river so that they will only be able to get the soggy doggy look and not the perfect picture that they are after. It was so funny to hear the sheer panic in their voices when they saw me dipping my paws in the river. I am all heart though as I only had a quick paddle before returning to the less hairy two-legged race.
– I work on treats alone. Mere compliments of me being such a good boy falls on deaf ears as I know I am good, so hand the treats over otherwise I will not be so good. I have the training down to a tee so that I will stay put for one treat and then move around for another one so that I am able to get multiple treats in a short space of time whilst the photographer shifts at lightning speed to get the perfect shot.
– I demand that I am always centre stage and if the maid must be in it, I will ensure that I will always look better than her.
– I require that I have ALL the “what a beautiful photo” comments directed at me if the maid is in shot as I am the one that gives the photo the wow factor.
– I will always work to bribes. At the end of each shoot I will require being pandered too and maybe taken for another walk, a play with a ball, have masses of fuss and an extra special treat of the humans forbidden food. If not, I will refuse to partake in another photoshoot ever again.
I must give the maid and photographer credit this time that they did adhere to my demands so it is likely that if I can fit them in for some more in the future if I fancy it.
The most rewarding photo that was taken today however was this last shot that the photographer captured. Just minutes earlier the maid had been lying down by the side of me for a photo of us both and she was not being professional as I and was taking her time to get it right. I thought enough was enough and I let out a few somewhat aromatic anal exhales that I had been keeping in for this perfect moment. She soon hurried up and got the poses right so that she could escape out of shot for some fresh air away from my exploding derriere.
I love having the last laugh.