The Last Laugh

Tags

Book Deal, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Photography

My maid is so easy to train, it’s laughable.

Here we are AGAIN on another photoshoot for a magazine article and she is expecting me to do as I am told. I have been in her life for over two and a half years now and she thinks that I obey her commands. Fair enough, when I am representing guide dogs with my harness on and we are out walking I will do my bit and act like the angelic guide dog that I am. As soon as my harness slips off however, I will return to my strong-willed authentic self. I will only act in ways that I find satisfying to my soul whilst off duty and I have certain conditions that I require to be met. This is especially true when I am asked to pose for photos and the staff don’t get it right first time around. Here are my requests for this photoshoot which I find totally reasonable. What do you think?

– I demand a long run around before the photoshoot to let my hair down. The cheeky maid says it helps relieve some of the mischief, but I just need her to run around after me to let her know that she will always be trailing after her real owner.
– I will only come back on my lead when I am ready and not when she is ready for me. Best thing come to those who wait so I am doing her a favour by making her wait so that she gets the best of me.
– I will send chills of panic down the spine of the maid and the photographer as I flirt with the idea of jumping in the river so that they will only be able to get the soggy doggy look and not the perfect picture that they are after. It was so funny to hear the sheer panic in their voices when they saw me dipping my paws in the river. I am all heart though as I only had a quick paddle before returning to the less hairy two-legged race.
– I work on treats alone. Mere compliments of me being such a good boy falls on deaf ears as I know I am good, so hand the treats over otherwise I will not be so good. I have the training down to a tee so that I will stay put for one treat and then move around for another one so that I am able to get multiple treats in a short space of time whilst the photographer shifts at lightning speed to get the perfect shot.
– I demand that I am always centre stage and if the maid must be in it, I will ensure that I will always look better than her.
– I require that I have ALL the “what a beautiful photo” comments directed at me if the maid is in shot as I am the one that gives the photo the wow factor.
– I will always work to bribes. At the end of each shoot I will require being pandered too and maybe taken for another walk, a play with a ball, have masses of fuss and an extra special treat of the humans forbidden food. If not, I will refuse to partake in another photoshoot ever again.

I must give the maid and photographer credit this time that they did adhere to my demands so it is likely that if I can fit them in for some more in the future if I fancy it.
The most rewarding photo that was taken today however was this last shot that the photographer captured. Just minutes earlier the maid had been lying down by the side of me for a photo of us both and she was not being professional as I and was taking her time to get it right. I thought enough was enough and I let out a few somewhat aromatic anal exhales that I had been keeping in for this perfect moment. She soon hurried up and got the poses right so that she could escape out of shot for some fresh air away from my exploding derriere.

I love having the last laugh.

Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? .. . No It’s A Guide Dog

Tags

Alternative, Animals, Beauty, Dog, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Photography

Here in his natural habitat, lives the wildest of the species. Wild yet placid, he adapts to his surroundings without a blink of the eye. With no predators around to stop his decent on the vast open space around him, he leaps into action. The evolution of this species began around 45 million years ago and is rarely seen today. Many would say that they have become extinct but as you can see from this nature snap, they are alive and kicking with passion.

Amphicyonidaes (bear-dogs to the amateurs among us) as evolution progressed had dog like proportions but a heavier bear like build as can be seen in the above image. With the ideal mix of spirit and strength, this particular amphicyoidae has survived the Welsh climate despite leaving behind his ancestors around 2 million years ago. Current DNA from this solitary survivor shows that he has survived due to the fact that …. hang on…. wait…. Okay, scrap all that, it seems like it is not actually an evolutionary miracle, but it is in fact …. A dog. Hmmmmm.

How I would love to tell people that he is something as rare as an amphicyonidae , but I will just have to stick to the truth. There is something about being constantly questioned not only what breed of dog he is but also what type of working dog he is that really wants me to spin a little bit of a yarn. The disbelief that some people have in hearing he is a Labradoodle and not an Irish Wolfhound or other breed just makes me want to make the truth a little more fun and far-fetched. The “I didn’t know that Guide Dogs use these types of dogs” brigade I am sure would appreciate a little chuckle instead of the seemingly mundane “yes they do now” response.

The latest query about Munch’s authenticity as a guide dog came from a friendly inquisitive man whilst I was out walking. Stating “I was wondering what type of animal that was when I saw you from further back. He looked more bear than dog” this sweet man chuckled. Asking if he was a trainee sniffer dog, I softly shattered that illusion for him as I told him the only thing he would be good at is sniffing out food and the local lamp posts for the doggy newspaper version of what is going on around the area. “Well, you have shocked me now. Not only is he a guide dog but the strangest looking Labradoodle I have seen” He shouted over his shoulder as he bid us farewell.

The “Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s guide dog” affect is still well and truly alive in our surroundings. I am just trying to think of some witty come backs that I can offer the ones who are confused by Munch’s heritage. If you have any, please let me know as I think it is only fair that we start a local rumour that there is a rare species roaming around the streets just to keep the mystery surrounding him going.

Working With Humans

Tags

Blind, Blogging, Dog, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Patience, Photography, Sight Loss

How many times can she get it wrong?
Today has been so frustrating. I have been sitting here like the perfect Labradoodle that I am and there she is being the typical scatty maid as she is. Humans are the weirdest creatures ever. We have been here for nearly two hours to record a video of us which will last less than a minute. We would have finished much sooner if my daft maid could string a sentence together without saying “Um” and “no, start again” over and over whilst speaking English, Welsh and Martian all in the same sentence. Why couldn’t the Guide Dogs have matched me with someone more efficient?
Luckily it was my favourite dog walking footman that was with us as he encouraged us to have lots of breaks in filming and led us all to a huge field so that I could have a well-deserved run. Meeting other dogs here meant I could remove my regal robes (or harness as some people not in the know call them) and exercise my gracious body. I even led other dogs to believe that I was an equal as we played together and not the King that I secretly am. Such fun.
Unfortunately, after I had had my well-deserved break, we were back to getting yet another video completed where apparently the maid had gathered her thoughts and was now able to string a sentence together to record the short promotional video for the Writers Workshop for the publisher that we needed to film. I am seriously considering getting another writer for my next book to ensure that not only does everyone know what an amazing guide dog and everyday Idol that I am, but also to let the world know how frustrating it can be when you really can’t get the staff to do what you want.
Working with humans has taught me many things which are.
– They are so fussy about things that they really do not need to be fussy about.
– They need to sniff often, play more and love everything.
– They over complicate the simplest of tasks. Either do or don’t. That’s it.
– They need to run like no one is watching and chase their non-existent tail just to know what it is like to be in the moment more.
– They need to realize that a picture of you from any angle is a good angle because you are perfect just as you are.
We finally got to finish the video when the maid’s mouth became friends with her brain again and I was free to sashay away with grace. Humans can be so hard to control.

What You See When You Can’t See

Tags

Acceptance, Alternative, Blogging, Diversity, Education, Kindness, Photography

The following post relates to the above picture that was shared numerous times on social media which questioned if the lady was indeed visually impaired

What you see when you can’t see?
You see a blurred picture apparently showing a woman walking with a white cane in one hand and a phone in another. You see blurry squiggles on the laptop screen that the narrator reads out to you. You see the images from the spoken word forming in your mind and creating the picture that everyone is talking about. You see the innocence of the woman walking along carrying on with her life unaware that she is being watched. You see the courage that she has taken to learn the new skill of walking with a cane through mobility training that she now must use to carry on living independently. You see that now she uses a white cane; her disability is on display for others to judge.

You see that that the person who posted this did not do so out of kindness but out of ignorance. You see the person who did this has enough functional vision to be able to judge in appearance without a care about the persons feelings. You see that the person who posted this image on social media to entice others to join in the judgement does not understand the impact of doing such things has on people. You see the negative comments that people make is just an insensitive epidemic that could do with some educating in certain areas.

You see people’s emotions getting hurt when they talk about things that they know very little about. You see people hating on the haters instead of helping them think in different ways. You see people who once judged on appearance now listen to knowledge that they did not know and change from judgement to acceptance. You see sighted people understand what it is like to live with sight loss and that they too can use technology designed for people who aren’t blessed with perfect vision.

You see people from both the sighted and insightful communities coming together to talk about what sight loss is and what it isn’t.
You see separation change to oneness when people whether sighted or with sight loss learn to see each other as more than the labels that they carry around with them. You see that people begin to feel more open talking about the world that they know little about. You see that when knowledge becomes power then ignorance becomes obsolete. You see that the picture that was taken said everything about the misunderstanding of what sight loss is and nothing about the courageous woman pictured who could teach many a thing or two about living life successfully.
Sometimes it is easier to see the true beauty in life when you use more than your eyes to see.

Photo Shoot Mayhem

Tags

Animal, Dog, Guide Dog, Humour, Individuality, Labradoodle, Pets, Photography, Unique

When I hear the words photo shoot, many other words spring to my mind. Perfection, alluring, professional, co-operation, ideal, beauty, empowerment and organised are just a few words that conjure up in my mind what it must be like to partake in a shoot and produce images that any photographer would be proud of. When I am asked to take part in a photo shoot with Munch however, less positive words take up residence in my now worried mind. Imperfect, questionable, novice, ill timed, restricted, comical, feral, disheartening and haphazard are my versions of photoshoots regardless of how amazing the photographer is if I am the subject. Add Munch into the mix and it goes a little more unpredictable.

I have this way about me that would make a clown look elegant. When I am meant to look one way, I can be found facing another. When half of my body is doing as it is being told by the photographer, the rest of my body is starting a spontaneous dance that the camera will always catch. Just as the rest of me is looking camera ready, my Cousin Itt wild hair will cover my face. The thing is, being blind you forget that others can see, and they see things that you have no idea about. On a plus side I could not see the photographers disapproving expression that I just knew he was giving me as I did the opposite of what I was being asked.

Munch is also a reluctant participant when having photos taken and likes to do his own thing. I have been told that there are some amazing photos on the internet of dogs lovingly gazing at their owners and some beautiful action shots that show the characteristics of both dog and owner. Anytime we have attempted to have photos done, we probably look more like strangers being caught in a chance meeting, not a pair that live together 24/7. With me not being able to physically see where he is and him knowing where I am but choosing to scan the area for any chance of mischief, what is captured is more of a calamity than a connection.

On this day, as we sat by a tree for a photo shoot, he was whining whilst looking up the tree and I knew that there was a squirrel near-by tempting him up the tree to act like Tarzan with a Baloo type body. A near-by river was also inviting him in for an afternoon dip, but I told him we couldn’t, and he sighed and sulked like a stroppy teenager. Not the best face for a photo when we trying to capture the joy in life. Another way that I spoilt his day was by not letting him to go off and play with the photographer even though it also happened to be his favourite ever dog walker. Munch really was a reluctant model that day so between his mood and my scattiness, I could sense that the photographer was wishing he was anywhere else but with us.

We needed just one picture of us for some local press to say about the book deal, so it didn’t seem too much of a mammoth task to most but to us it was. We were finally able to settle on a photo with my hair looking like a fuzzball (despite it being previously straightened and some anti frizz spray applied) whilst Munch lay beside me with his tongue flopping out the side of his mouth as if he had been drinking some doggy happy juice and that would just have to do. Perfection is not in our nature, but authenticity is. Being ourselves in the photos would just have to do as anything else just wouldn’t be us.

Thanks to Steven Hill Photography for your patience and lovely photos.