The Unidentified Floating Object

Tags

Dogs, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Pets

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Investigations are under way following local sightings of an unspecified creature.

A local resident was able to swiftly capture a photo of the unidentified being as it was frolicking around in a local lake. Mr Nutter said “I was walking back from the local pub when I thought I would go the scenic route. It was here where I came across this strange being. Look, I know I had a few pints, but I couldn’t quite make out what I was seeing”. When asked what he thought it could be he was reluctant to guess. “This being just appeared to be floating on water and rotating at the same time. It was strange to say the least”.

Many experts have attempted to put this mystery to bed. An online film critic Mr Ticket offered that maybe Hollywood had been at the Llyn Lech Owain lake secretly filming a new Star Wars film. “There is definitely a Chewbacca look to this picture. There is no denying that that is Chewbacca mid shake of his luscious locks. This Wookiee is owning this picture and posing for the camera. A professional at his best” offered the critic. Not everyone however agreed with Mr Ticket.

Offering a more logical explanation to this photograph, Mr Brains Head of Psychology at the University of Life announced that this was just a case of Pareidolia. Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that caused the human brain to see things especially human faces in objects. “After studying hundreds of pictures on Wikipedia and other reliable sources, I can say that this is nothing but some debris floating in that filthy lake water giving the impression that it is a face”.

Mr Deep, a Marine Biologist from somewhere in the Pacific Ocean excitedly told us his take on what this was. “It’s incredible, who knew that these still existed? The long-haired ocean dwelling giant eel up until recent years was thought to only exist in Fairy tales but sightings such as these prove different. This clearly shows the creature emerging from the depth of the lake. The mystery is however how it got into a lake in Wales”.

Mr Click a photography expert of Fresh Air for almost 30 years described how he thought that he held the answer to the mystery. “You see, when you have an inebriated person who is three sheets to the wind, they lose all control of the camera. If that were me taking that photo, I would be focussing more on the fresh air above the lake than looking down at the mucky mess that lay beneath. This is the danger of putting a camera in the hands of non-fresh air lovers” scowled Mr Click.

When our reporter went back to the scene of the incident, they could not find any signs of this controversial being. Our reporter stopped to ask a local what they thought about all the Global attention that had been brought to this place of tranquillity. The woman who was standing right by the lake with a Guide Dog Harness slung over her shoulder whilst holding a long white cane listened intently to the reporter. Looking uneasy she refused to comment. As the reporter headed off in the direction of the car park, the woman was heard in a hushed tone saying “Munch, you are confusing people again”. It is unclear what or who this Munch is.

If you have any suggestions to what this water dwelling creature is do not hesitate to get in touch.

Whatever The Question, The Answer Is Always Play.

Tags

Guide Dogs, Pets, Unconditional Love, Work And Play

Whatever the question is, the answer is always play.

It’s been a weird few week with the two legged less hairy race home more. I have joined the common four-legged hairy canine, feline and other species who remain home day in, day out which is strange for a working dog like me. My guide dog skills aren’t needed as much these days by my maid as we are now part of the “working from home” force which is a little disappointing if I am being honest.

At home, I no longer get the “oh look, there is a dog in school” coo’s or the chance to help the cleaning staff out by hoovering up the dropped food from the corridors as we move through the school on our daily journeys. I don’t get to take my bed and toys to work with me and steal my maid’s lunch from her bag when she is busy working now either. I must admit though that it is the children I am missing the most.

The children always want to play with me when I am in school. As she counsels them, I bring them one of my toys to play catch. As they cry into my fur, I lick their tears clean with my tender kisses. As they lay on the floor with me, we pause and reset, ready to emerge from the room to continue life as best they can. You see, it is the children that have the best way of being in the world and that is what I am missing being part of the most.

Children love without condition in a world that they want to see equality which disappears more each day. They are our teachers who show us that when all else gets too much, the answer to anything we are ever going through is play. It is in the land of play that worries are forgotten, imagination sparks into life and connections are made to people, objects and nature alike.Here in the land of play where hearts heal when the worries stop, people rediscover who they really are and who they can potentially become.

Happiness is the default setting for all when they return to the powerful first language of play. This is the universal language that unites humans and animals and is a bubble of bliss that brings them together more than anything else in the world.Over the last three weeks of being home, we have played more than usual which has made me one happy dog. Play is the anthem of my heart that I want to share with everyone around me anyway I can.

If you are finding yourself lost in a world that no longer makes sense, the answer to it all lays in play. Gift yourself with the simplest medicine that you will ever need. Play and let your tail wag with pride and joy and let the love pour in. By the way, “Tag, you’re on”!!!

The Greatest Showman

Tags

Animal, Dog, Freedom, Guide Dog, Happiness, Humour, Personality, Pets, Showman, Smile, Speaking

You must have seen or heard them. Those adverts of adorable Guide Dogs that appear on T.V. and Radio highlighting the amazing work that they do to help people with sight loss remain independent in life and are the lifeline to many. The training that these dogs go through is immense and not all qualify due to the intense standard that they have to pass to make it. They obey commands, act with initative and selflessly serve the person that they are paired with, basically they are super dogs. With all of this in mind, I often stop and wonder how I ended up with ……… this!

Please don’t get me wrong, I mean I love him so much, but I often wonder how did he qualify? He was even a demonstration dog for the Guide Dogs whilst in training although nobody can quite figure out what he was meant to be demonstrating! His off-duty Munch qualities never cease to entertain as his big personality is always on show but his on duty Minster like qualities should show professionalism. Hmmmm.

Whilst at a friend’s monthly networking event last week, it was our turn to go and speak. I knew it was going too well when I told him to sit and he obeyed first time around. I mean, he never obeys first time around unless there is food involved (I am sure he must have been snoozing during the obedience part of his training). My suspicions were right to be raised when mid first sentence, my little 5’2” Minster Munch gently hopped up on his back legs like a lamb to try and steal the microphone. Not once but twice although I think that he felt the audience laughter was his encouragement to do it the second time.

Making his presence known is one of his specialities, so to add to his debut performance he also decided to leave the audience with an aroma that could only be produced by a dog or a rotten corpse. As we swam back to our seats after our brief talk, through the thick eye watering decomposing stench from his derriere, I questioned yet again how he had made it to be a Guide Dog. He certainly belonges more on stage than he did on harness.

We are starting to do some speaking events for Guide Dogs from next month on so maybe this is just a preview of what we have in store for us, Maybe I should request an extra mic at his level for each event to ensure he has his say? Maybe a spotlight could be placed above him on stage as he sits on a throne to direct the attention to the correct place? Whatever the future holds, I think we had better get perfecting his pawtograph ready for his fans as he steals each show. This Diva really knows how to make an impression!

Here We Go Again

Tags

Animal, Blind, Dog, Guide Dog, Happiness, Humour, Judgement, Pets, Sight Loss

Don’t you just love it when the thoughts you are having in your mind manifest in front of you on the face of another. It makes you feel like you are not alone in the world thinking these thoughts. My daughter captured our thoughts in the facial expression of on duty Minster as we entered a familiar conversation with a stranger. After chatting to a lovely lady about how cute Minster was, she asked the omnipresent question that always surrounds us when out. “Have you got a client waiting for him after his training finishes?” she started the rehearsed dialogue. She was shocked when I said he had been trained and was mine and said she thought that they were only for blind people. Here we go again.

In the last 20 months since having him I have been asked for my collection bucket as they thought I was a fundraiser, been quizzed by members of the public who become on the spot ophthalmologists, been ignored as a stranger talks to the person I am with instead of me (as if a blind person can’t talk) and numerous other things that are too legthy to go into. To be fair none of these have offended me, they have just intrigued me and made me think of how some sighted people think that people with sight loss look like? More importantly, is there a way that I can stop this from happening in the future? Here are some of the solutions my quirky mind thought up –

• Overdose on the blind stereotype by wearing dark glasses, use my cane alongside my odd-looking Guide Dog and carry a braille book wherever I go
• Pre record an audio recording stating yes, I am registered blind and give a brief answer to all the questions that I am always asked and play it as soon as the questioning starts as that way I will save myself so much energy.
• Get a Neon sign to attach to my head saying yes, I am blind and yes, he is my Guide Dog.
• Get a printed dogs coat for on duty Minster saying ‘I am with the blind one’ with an arrow pointing towards me.
• Teaching Munch to talk so that he can answer the questions as they may believe him more.
• Become vampire like and avoid going out until dark so that we don’t have to encounter many people.
• Move to a desert island and hope that no parrot ever mutters “are you training him?” so that we can live without question.

Or, we could just carry on loving it really despite our eye rolls that we now mirror in each other. We love meeting people and we will never tire of being asked the questions that people want to know. I think that this is a good thing as I think that these questions will be asked for a very long time.

Smiling His Way Out Of Trouble

Tags

Animal, Dog, Freedom, Gratitude, Guide Dog, Happiness, Humour, Labradoodle, Love, Pets, Positivity, Smile

This is Munch’s face that should show regret but shows something totally different. This is the reaction that I got back after I gave him a row for the second time that day for stealing the cat food from Angus. He swiftly walked off with glee after I had attempted to show my authority yet failed miserably. As he jumped on the sofa and lay on his back contentedly, paws to ceiling, he knew that he was invincible. Merrily brushing off my stern words he sighed deeply, smiled widely and allowed my adoration to commence. He had won yet again.

His first victory over me that day was when we were out in the garden and we were digging the flower beds in sync. I was attempting to plant, he was successfully causing a soil Tsunami nearby. There must have been a fault in the signalling system that day as whenever I said stop, he heard go as he carried on with his Munch like behaviour. As he washed away my futile attempt of a row with his doggy kisses over my face and a smile, he knew that he had won this battle as I stopped to play ball with him. He knew how to win an argument.

His second victorious win later that day had been when he ran off with one of my granddaughter’s soft toys yet again. As it had been in the washing machine a million times already that week, I tried to take it off him. As he knows I cannot see what he has, he comes up as close as he can to my face to show me what he has in his mouth and knows that the race is then on to see who will cross the finishing line with the object. As he hurtles through the house knowing that I will never catch him, he is always in the lead. Pretending to ignore his naughty behaviour will eventually pay off so I patiently waited for him to settle down with the toy in his mouth. When I did eventually get the toy back he gave me the sweetest of smiles as I lay my head next to his as he gently nudged the toy towards me. He had won me over again with his cheeky little smile.

As he uses his smile to charm his way through life, I feel blessed that I have been gifted such a quirky Guide Dog that I love so deeply. As he lays on his back with no care in the world, he knows that I will always forgive his mischievous ways and still shower him with the love and affection that he rightfully deserves. As he selflessly guides me through life and spreads his Munch magic with others, I hope that he will always keep smiling. As he smiles away with a belly full of cat food, I know he is planning his next victory he can have over his lowly maid and I am planning how to let him think he has won. It is sometimes worth losing just to see someone else’s happiness when they win.

The Mischief Maker

Tags

Animal, Dog, Freedom, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Mischief maker, Pets

Entertaining your little cherubs when they are off school for the long summer break can be quite a challenge. When the boredom kicks in chaos can kick off, so keeping inquisitive minds active can mean the difference between summer bliss or utter pandemonium. Munch has decided he is one of these little cherubs as technically he goes to school during term time to work (I use that term very loosely) so he feels that his summer should be filled with me keeping him entertained. How lucky am I!

We have spent the first week so far being out and about as much as possible in the rare cool moments that we get in this bizarrely hot summer. When people see him as on duty Minster then off duty Munch, they find it hard to believe that he is the same dog. His off-duty mischief making persona can usually be witnessed from afar. It seems to be his mission this summer to lead angelic obedient dogs astray by any means possible and he is making good ground on this mission.

Whilst having a free run a few days ago, he befriended a little Labrador pup and decided to become the tour guide to explore this new surrounding that both had stumbled across. They ran side by side up and down banks and across a field like they were training for a doggy Olympics. Munch thought it would be good to take his new-found friend into some bushes and non-pup friendly places that neither of them should have been in. The utter look of contempt that Munch apparently had on his face when the pup’s owner rescued him from Munch’s planned expedition, clearly showed his disapproval of being belittled.

After this short-lived adventure, Munch decided to widen his search for a new partner in crime. He found a potential candidate in a dog that was nearby trotting along obediently next to his owner. In a milli-second Munch appeared by his side and bowed down in front of him to invite play. They were soon hurtling away into the distance happily together. Just a few minutes into this play session, my friend who I was with began calling Munch back as the little monster had found some flower beds awaiting his Yeti type invasion. He took with him his innocent friend who had never bothered with the flower beds on previous visits. Luckily, they came back before any real damage was done.

The next day we took him to a nearby lake and wooded area that he loves, to let him run free again. As he swam around in the lake whilst loving life, he spotted some oncoming canine friends coming close and merrily barked away to invite them in. He was elated when one came in for a splash around with him. They swam and chased each other around in circles for a bit until his pal had enough and went out of the water. Reluctantly Munch got out to see if he could come and persuade the owners to let their dog play for another few minutes, but they had to leave. Munch sat down in protest as he often does and was copied by his playmate. This staged sit in was once again led by my diva dog and I apologised for his bad influence yet again.

If this little cherub was a child, he would be the one that was always central to any mischief that was taking place. He just loves to play and is always on the look out for someone to corrupt into making mischief with. Keeping him entertained and out of too much trouble on our 6-week holiday will be interesting and will certainly stop me from getting bored. My little Monster Munch was put on this earth to keep me on my toes and prevent any boredom. Hope your holidays are filled with less mischief. Unless of course you are causing mischief yourself, and in that case enjoy. If you need a partner in crime, Munch will be eagerly awaiting your invite.

Photo Shoot Mayhem

Tags

Animal, Dog, Guide Dog, Humour, Individuality, Labradoodle, Pets, Photography, Unique

When I hear the words photo shoot, many other words spring to my mind. Perfection, alluring, professional, co-operation, ideal, beauty, empowerment and organised are just a few words that conjure up in my mind what it must be like to partake in a shoot and produce images that any photographer would be proud of. When I am asked to take part in a photo shoot with Munch however, less positive words take up residence in my now worried mind. Imperfect, questionable, novice, ill timed, restricted, comical, feral, disheartening and haphazard are my versions of photoshoots regardless of how amazing the photographer is if I am the subject. Add Munch into the mix and it goes a little more unpredictable.

I have this way about me that would make a clown look elegant. When I am meant to look one way, I can be found facing another. When half of my body is doing as it is being told by the photographer, the rest of my body is starting a spontaneous dance that the camera will always catch. Just as the rest of me is looking camera ready, my Cousin Itt wild hair will cover my face. The thing is, being blind you forget that others can see, and they see things that you have no idea about. On a plus side I could not see the photographers disapproving expression that I just knew he was giving me as I did the opposite of what I was being asked.

Munch is also a reluctant participant when having photos taken and likes to do his own thing. I have been told that there are some amazing photos on the internet of dogs lovingly gazing at their owners and some beautiful action shots that show the characteristics of both dog and owner. Anytime we have attempted to have photos done, we probably look more like strangers being caught in a chance meeting, not a pair that live together 24/7. With me not being able to physically see where he is and him knowing where I am but choosing to scan the area for any chance of mischief, what is captured is more of a calamity than a connection.

On this day, as we sat by a tree for a photo shoot, he was whining whilst looking up the tree and I knew that there was a squirrel near-by tempting him up the tree to act like Tarzan with a Baloo type body. A near-by river was also inviting him in for an afternoon dip, but I told him we couldn’t, and he sighed and sulked like a stroppy teenager. Not the best face for a photo when we trying to capture the joy in life. Another way that I spoilt his day was by not letting him to go off and play with the photographer even though it also happened to be his favourite ever dog walker. Munch really was a reluctant model that day so between his mood and my scattiness, I could sense that the photographer was wishing he was anywhere else but with us.

We needed just one picture of us for some local press to say about the book deal, so it didn’t seem too much of a mammoth task to most but to us it was. We were finally able to settle on a photo with my hair looking like a fuzzball (despite it being previously straightened and some anti frizz spray applied) whilst Munch lay beside me with his tongue flopping out the side of his mouth as if he had been drinking some doggy happy juice and that would just have to do. Perfection is not in our nature, but authenticity is. Being ourselves in the photos would just have to do as anything else just wouldn’t be us.

Thanks to Steven Hill Photography for your patience and lovely photos.

It’s Okay. He Was Smelling My Sausage

Tags

Animal, Cuddles, Guide Dog, Humour, Labradoodle, Love, Personal Space, Pets

“Excuse me” snapped a slightly irate voice in my direction, “do you mind?”. My day dreaming was halted by this angry sounding older man in front of me and at first, I thought he may want to borrow my Mr Tickle like long arms to reach something from the top shelf at the supermarket, but that sensible idea was soon quashed. “Sorry?” I answered in an even tone as I was not sure what he was on about. After a moment in our puzzling exchange, he broke the tense silence by saying “Oh it’s the dog. I thought it was you”. Quickly sniffing the air to check if Munch had anally exhaled again leaving an aroma of decomposing matter, I was firstly relieved that he hadn’t and then utterly offended that the man had thought that I had. ”It’s okay love, he was only sniffing my sausage” continued the man who was now sounding far chirpier. Being lost for words rarely happened in my life but this day I could not ever remember what words were.

It was only when this gentleman explained to me what had happened that I realized what my mischievous Guide Dog had done. The man did not want me to reach something for him and neither had Munch farted his eye watering stench, but it was something much worse. Munch had decided to go into his favourite private area invasion mode and gone between the mans legs for a cuddle. The man explained that he had dog treats in his back pocket which had probably enticed Munch in for a sniff. He then decided to stick his head between the mans legs as he had in his hand a dog sausage treat from the shelf. Until he had looked down and saw Munch’s head peeping through his legs he had thought that it was me getting up close and personal with him! Great thanks Munch, thanks a lot.

To those who are used to this daft dog’s ways, they are used to his over friendly way of greeting them and love it. Well most love it and as long as you have at least a 30 inch leg you usually get away with having Munch avoiding your sacred parts but any shorter and you may get problems. My mother has only 25 inch legs and she has already got stuck sitting upon his little pony like frame and has had numerous other near misses. I know his sentiment is loving and it shows he loves the people he cuddles but when it comes to strangers he really needs to draw the line. Despite calmly explaining to him that it’s not socially acceptable to do this to the two-legged race, he simple sighs and looks away in defiance. Dealing with this Diva Dog is never straight forward.

As I apologised to the now laughing man, we quickly retreated from the dog food aisle as I shrunk away in embarrassment and Munch sashayed away with pride. On the walk home, I warned him that I would not bail him out of doggy prison if he ended up on some sort of dodgy doggy register for his sausage smelling antics. He obviously did not listen to a word I said as this has not deterred him. I am sure the universal power that matched us up has a constant stream of entertainment from us as we clumsily get through life.

Just to pre-warn you, if you ever see us both out together maybe it would be best to stand with your legs firmly closed shut to avoid Munch’s special cuddles. This dog has no shame.

Too Hot To Trot

Tags

Animal, Dog, Fun in the sun, Guide Dog, Labradoodle, Pets, Work And Play

With the sound of children screaming with delight whilst splashing around in the pools in their gardens throughout the neighbourhood, it is obvious that our summer has arrived. As barbeques tempt nostrils throughout the land, people soak up the sun at every given opportunity. Unless of course you are a Guide Dog owner and then these scorching days take on a whole different meaning. Even if you are a sun worshiper, you spend most of your days indoors protecting your Guide Dog from extreme heat. Protecting your pooch’s paws and avoiding heatstroke in the hairy bunch means that days in the sun are usually observed from afar whilst hiding in the shade.

Munch has had mixed feelings about this hot weather that we have been blessed with. There is the frustration that he has had as it has been too hot for the furry fella and he has found it way too uncomfortable. There is however the upside that he has not had to work as hard in this heat as we only go out first thing in the morning and last thing at night so in the middle of the day he can do what he wants. He has utilized this time off in many ways that has made him smug. So far, he has…

-Been fanned down like a Greek God and given iced water.

-Lounged around lazily most of the day, enjoying his well-deserved time off.

-Secretly smirked as we have been forced to stay at home which has meant that I have had to tackle all the housework where usually we would usually be out somewhere loving life. I work as he rests.

-As he has run off with various items of clothing and things he should not have, he knows it is too hot to run after him, so he can just get away with it.

-He secretly sniggers as I empty and refill the paddling pool numerous times a day as the Diva will only go near cold water and turns his nose up if it gets even a little bit tepid.

-As Angus the cat is too hot to move in this weather, Munch has free rein of the house and garden without fear of getting a sly swipe from Angus.

-He happily shows off his summer body to anyone who wants to see, as he lays on his back with paws stretched up to the sky.

This is only our second summer together and previous summers of being out in the sun are a distant memory. Ensuring that he is okay and staying out of harm’s way by staying out of the sun is paramount. This new way of summertime living is quite nice, and he has taught me that stopping and enjoying the simplest things in life are priceless. Taking Munch’s approach on life when it is too hot to trot, is beginning to appeal to me as time goes on. Let this lovely weather last …

The Questioning Child

Tags

Animal, Children, Childrens Acceptance, Diversity, Dog, Food, Gratitude, Guide Dog, Happiness, Humour, Individuality, Inspire, Kindness, Love, Pets, Positivity

The common sense seeking scenarios that go on in a child’s mind is anything but boring. For children to develop schemas for the world that they live in, they need to explore and question everything. As all parents or those who work with children know, young children across the land get fixated on the why, how and when’s of anything from why they can’t keep a giraffe in their bedroom to when they can start their own second hand tooth business. Lulls in bizarre questions never last. Throw an animal with a funny looking thing on his back into the mix and the questions get a whole lot more …. entertaining.

Our shopping trips consist of far more than just buying things. We usually get stopped and asked questions about Munch, whilst Munch tries his best to distract shoppers despite apparently being trained not too. Munch takes me to his favourites aisles first before I can carry on with my shopping and whilst doing this, we carry out our obligation to provide a prompt for some inquisitive questions from children being fired at their poor worn out parents. As Munch leads me around the shop, our ears burn as we are being talked about by curious children. I feel sorry for the parents left to search for the answers, but I just love that momentary insights into the workings of a child mind. There have been some hilarious questions asked by these innocent minds.

A few weeks ago, as we were walking towards the toilets in a shop, I heard a little boy ask his father “Daddy, will that dog be able to pee in the toilet when he stands up?”. As we disappeared around the corner the voice of the father trailed off after he replied “No, it is the lady who is going to the toilet not the dog and..”. I would have loved to hear what came after the and. I laughed so hard as an image of Munch standing up on his two back legs and aiming for the porcelain came into my mind. To be fair, it was a valid question that he had.

His doggy bits have been discussed by kids behind our backs more than once. Just last week, a little boy walking behind us asked at the top of his voice “How can that dog sit down without any bum cheeks?”. Again, a good question from a bright mind. We once got stopped by an authoritative looking boy and girl whilst coming through a shop door where they swiftly told us that you could not bring a dog into a shop. When I explained he was a special dog that helps me see I was quizzed on why I needed him as I had my own eyes, they were not satisfied with my response when I couldn’t stifle a giggle any longer. After they had asked me why I couldn’t see well, does he get paid to work for me and is the thing on his back a coat that has gone too small for him (his harness) we were allowed past as their apologetic mother steered them out of the way whilst apologising profusely. I assured her we enjoyed the questioning from such bright minds and thought it was sweet. I really love how children’s minds work.

My gorgeous granddaughter is one of Munch’s best friends. He gets so excited when he sees her and as she is around the same size as him, they physically see the world through similar eyes at their level. She has the same serene chilled out energy as him and both love company and attention. They understand each other on such a special level. She offers to give him her potty which he kindly declines. They share the same love for food which she always offers whatever she is eating. He usually accepts. If she cries after a fall, he comes running to see if she is ok and rubs his head into her and gives her his paw to give her the healing that she needs. When she sleeps over our house, Munch and Angus the cat are the first ones she calls to check if they are ok and he runs up to her to say hello. They reflect each other’s loving selves perfectly. She rarely questions anything about him as my Guide Dog to her is normal as she has grown up knowing no different.

I love hearing children questioning the world that they live in whilst others innately know the answers as they live with the answers every day. Children need to question to learn about the world around them and the peculiar sights that they have never seen before. Accepting diversity in the world can only happen when the unknown becomes known. Answering the questions of children can help them embrace difference and make them a normality. A win win situation for all.